Through Muddy Water
by HOUSEaholic
Summary: ** CHAPTER 25 UPDATED!** With everyone back together once more it was supposed to be a time of celebration. Instead, love, friendship, and the strength of the F4 are all tested with a single diagnosis.
1. Reunion

_Hey everyone, this is my first BOF fanfic. I'm in the process of re-watching the show to really understand the characters so any advice/encouragement is appreciated. I always welcome constructive criticism and feedback on what my readers are liking/not liking. This is intended to be a more serious piece and I hope you enjoy!_

_~Alicia_

**Through Muddy Water****  
Chapter One: Reunion**

The corridor hadn't changed in the slightest since they'd left the school and for a moment, pausing in front of the double doors, JunPyo felt a rush of familiarity. He stopped short of opening the heavy double doors that still more the placard daintily engraved with the word F4 to reflect. It was becoming increasingly difficult to believe that it had been four years since he'd walked this floor and almost five since he'd first met Guem JanDi. It seemed so far ago, yet so many memories were already bouncing around his mind with the sights and smells of his youth.

"Are you scared to go in?" WooBin chided, his tone playful as he clapped a hand to JunPyo's shoulder.

"Ya! JunPyo, are you going to make us wait all day?" YiJung had joined in on the teasing as well, flashing his classic casanova smile.

"Aish. You're still so pushy." He made a playfully disgusted face at his two friends who gestured for him to get on with it. With a firm push, the doors swung over and the three of them entered their former classroom, still brightly lit with the spring sun. Slowly, they each paced the floor, once in a whole lingering by their own desks with each pass, fingering the warm wood. So much of their childhood had been spent in this one room, yet despite the familiarity part of the situation felt foreign like running into an old face from the past and not knowing what to say.

"So you're really going to marry Guem JanDi." WooBin was always the first to break the silence and it was comfortable, the way they began to settle into old habits and roles within the friendship.

"Yes," he answered, biting back a grin.

"Ah I can't believe it. JunPyo is growing up."

"And Guem JanDi of all people."

"Remember when she roundhouse kicked him?" Both of his comrades laughed warmly. "He was so convinced that she liked him when really she wanted nothing to do with him."

"Ya!" He responded quickly, "I knew what I was doing. It worked didn't it?" There was more laughter from his friends and JunPyo couldn't help but to add a stray chuckle in to the mix. "We were quite the team weren't we."

YiJung leaned up against his desk looking pensive. "Ah… ShinWa High, the red card… It's hard to believe how different our lives were just four years ago." They all nodded in agreement as JunPyo and WooBin followed his cue, also taking residence at their assigned desks.

"Ya! Have you been to see GaEul?" WooBin inquired suddenly.

YiJung nodded, a grin escaping across his lips and a faint blush appearing on his cheeks.

"I see that."

"What?" The potter looked sheepish, fiddling with a pen he's found lying on the desk.

"That, right there. That smile." JunPyo pointed mischievously at him as he averted his gaze, a full grin obvious to both patrons in the room.

"I knew it! He is! He's actually going for a relationship now."

"Ya! You guys used to say that to me when I went after JanDi."

"No, what we told you was that you were being stupid."

"Anyo!"

"For a while you were. You put trash and ducks in her pool."

"It wasn't her pool."

"Either way… Not very charming."

"I don't see you with a woman." The words slipped out playfully but JunPyo instantly saw their negative effect on WooBin. Quickly, he looked down and stopped laughing.

"Mian." There was an uncomfortable silence. Four years ago he would have said the same thing in fun, but four years ago an apology wouldn't have even been part of his vocabulary. WooBin probably would have also laughed it off, but this was not four years ago and they had all changed.

YiJung sighed, returning them to conversation. "Where is JiHoo?"

"Probably sleeping somewhere like usual."

"That rascal cat."

"He never did care for F4's 'activities'."

"In all fairness we weren't exactly nice guys…"

WooBin smiled, remembering spin-the bottle at JanDi's place. "Self-centered egoist, 4th dimensional, and cold-hearted Casanova."

"Ya!" JunPyo launched himself at WooBin, playfully hitting him at that remark. WooBin pulled away laughing and then, abruptly looked down. "What?"

"Spider," he replied nonchalantly.

"Spider?" JunPyo leapt backward onto the desk, pulling his feet up. "Where? Kill it!"

Laughing hysterically WooBin gave him a push, as he tottered on the edge. "You fell for that?"

"Aish!" He pushed WooBin back, straightening out his jacket. "Ah really, Do you want to die?" WooBin continued to laugh and again, JunPyo was forced to smile. After a few moments of chuckling, he looked across the room, puzzled by the silence from his friend.

"What's the matter with you?" The potter was sitting in his chair with his eyes closed, fingertips massaging his temples. WooBin turned to look as well, his eyes questioning his friend.

"I haven't slept much since returning, I think it's the jet lag," he replied, opening his eyes and smiling. "Just need more sleep, that's all."

"Well take care of yourself. If the F4 is going to relive its glory days…"

"Glory days? You're getting married JunPyo. Your glory days are over my friend." Woobin patted him on the back, heading towards the door. "I on the other hand, am a free man." YiJung looked at JunPyo and together they nodded, rising slowly before chasing after him.

"Ya!"

* * *

"So you're really getting married."

GaEul's question was laced with admiration, excitement, and surprise all in one. JanDi smiled, smoothing out the covers in front of her nodding. She paused for a moment, tilting her head in thought. "Even though it's been four years without him, it is as if he never left. It was hard, but the star cannot get away from the moon," she smiled while fingering her necklace.

"And what about you? I heard YiJung came to the school." Her tone brightened. It was just like JanDi to put her own good news aside to hear from her friend. GaEul could practically feel the blood rush to her face as she shyly played with a lock of her long hair.

"He came to the classroom today. It was such a surprise. The children couldn't keep their mouths closed. My favorite little girl- she asked if he was my boyfriend and even told him I was waiting for him to come back!" The two friends laughed together, sinking back against the pillows and pulling the covers up to their chins. GaEul felt JanDi's head against her shoulder and smiled in the darkness.

"JanDi," she whispered.

"Mmm?"

"I'm so happy for you JanDi."

"I'm happy for you too," came the sleepy reply. "I'm happy for YiJung and my best friend".

* * *

The clay was red.

YiJung was almost finished spinning when he noticed something was wrong. For a moment he paused, hands still cupping the spinning vase. A thin, red streak had appeared on the rim of his masterpiece and with each turn of the wheel it widened, a dark band rimming the edge. With one hand he gingerly reached up, his index finger touching his upper lip which felt oddly slick. Peering at his fingers, the bright stain surprised him. His nose was bleeding.

"Aish!" he exclaimed, rising and grabbing a cloth from the workbench. Pressing it to his nose he frowned, looking at the ruined creation sadly. He had liked the way that vase was coming out. Tiredly, he rubbed his eyes glancing at the clock. It was quarter past six and in just forty-five minutes he would need to pick Gaeul up for their date. Spinning always left him oblivious to time. It was as if all else besides the clay seemed to cease to exist once the wheel began to turn.

GaEul leapt to his mind and for a moment he pondered why her face had come to him. Surprised, he realized with startling revelation that the same feeling of time freezing had occurred when he had first glimpsed her among the children in her classroom the day he returned. His heart sped up briefly and he suddenly felt very anxious to see her. Cleaning his workplace quickly, he turned down the lights and retreated to the shower hoping that the fatigue he was experiencing would dissipate so that he could enjoy his night.

When he was finished showering, he paused to survey the wide array of clothing that was at his disposal. Frowning, he absentmindedly fingered the sleeves of a few of the many jackets that were neatly hung in a row. His younger self wouldn't have cared much what he wore seeing as his clothes were all the latest fashions. But tonight was different, tonight for the first time he wanted to be clothed to GaEul's liking.

Standing at the front door he knocked timidly, pulse quickening with each second that passed. Luckily for him, she was quick to answer, her loose curls falling sweetly around her face.

"Oh! They're beautiful!" She exclaimed excitedly, leaning in to smell the bouquet of flowers he was holding. She was so close he could smell her perfume, sweet and just as he remembered. "Thank you."

He smiled, taking a step down the stairs. "Shall we go?"

She nodded her eyes bright under the streetlight._ I missed those eyes_ he thought to himself as he led her towards the car. Opening the door for her, he waited until she was settled before crossing to the driver's side and starting the vehicle.

"Are you sure you're feeling up to this?" She asked as they pulled onto the street. She was surprisingly astute and he was caught off guard with the question. _Do I look as tired as I feel?_

"Perhaps we should- I mean it's just that... You just got back from a long trip."

He laughed as she tripped across her words, his hand reaching out and smoothly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I waited four years to go out with you and you want to cancel on me? I thought that was my move."

She giggled a bit as he parked the car. Gosh, he found her so cute when she laughed. He opened her door for her, extending a hand to help her out of the car. She accepted and together they headed down the sidewalk, elbows gently touching every so often. He was surprised at the fervor in which he wanted to grab her hand. He decided to go for it, slipping his fingers between hers. She paused for a moment, slightly shocked and he gave a subtle tug. "Let's not miss our reservation." Grinning she nodded in agreement, her steps hastening to keep up with his longer strides. The clicking of her heels against the pavement as she followed him put him in a good mood.

Once they had given their orders, he couldn't help but to simply stare at her. In the four years he had been gone there were so many small details he had not quite forgotten, but certainly missed; he small curve at the end of her nose, the adorable pink color her blush made as it blended into her cheek , the smooth texture of her hair falling freely about her shoulders. She caught him looking and blushed shyly.

"Tell me about Sweden."

"What is it you wanted to know?"

"Mmm." She thought about it for a moment, once more looking ridiculously cute.

"Was it beautiful?"

"Yes, very much so. But it wasn't home."

"Are you glad to be back?"

He nodded sincerely, taking a sip of wine.

"Were you waiting… for me?"

"I hoped you were coming. I would walk by your studio sometimes so that it was still real."

"And now, does it feel real now?" He asked as the waitress placed their food in front of them.

"Anyo." She shook her head, tucking her napkin neatly into her collar. "Now it feels like a dream."

* * *

JiHoo was tired, but by no means ready to sleep. He didn't remember the last time the insomnia had kept him awake like this. Sighing, he laid on his bed looking up at the ceiling. Since JunPyo had returned home, he was seeing less and less of JanDi and it felt all wrong. He knew he shouldn't complain, but JunPyo's return had opened up a whole new set of emotions for him.

In four years, he had almost convinced himself that over the years, all that mattered was to see JanDi smile. For four years he had accepted the fact that she was waiting for JunPyo to come back. Even when he had walked onto the beach to find his friend on one knee, presenting JanDi with an engagement ring he had been happy because they were happy.

But now, in the dark- in his empty house… he felt angry and hurt and betrayed. He had been her firefighter. He was the one that held her up when the man she loved broke her down. And JunPyo, practically his brother- JiHoo had done nothing but respect him and stay behind the line. But now he was back and he was marrying JanDi. His hands were clenched around fistfuls of blanket and hot tears escaped from his eyes. _My oldest friend is taking away my reason for existing._

_

* * *

_

YiJung was starting to feel sleepy; probably from the effect of the wine and the continuing jet lag. He picked at his food, trying to figure out why nothing was appealing to him. His stomach didn't feel sick, but he couldn't bring himself to eat any of the dinner in front of him.

"How is your dinner? You don't seem to like it. Is there something wrong?" GaEul was looking at his plate and back at her own which was nearly empty.

"The food is fine. I'm just not very hungry." Her reaction was visible as she bit her lip worriedly, eyes brimming with concern. He caught a flash of her face and immediately reached a hand across the table, taking hers in his fingers.

"GaEul. Please don't worry, I will be fine. I may not be my usual self but I assure you I wouldn't want to miss this night with you for anything." She still looked hesitant, but nodded. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Four years was enough. I don't want to miss any more time with you."

"Do you really mean that?" Her beautiful eyes were searching his, reaching for the truth he kept locked away. Holding his breath he forced himself to let the walls down.

"I do."

* * *

Jandi paused, looking at the words written on the page before her. Little by little, for each day he had been gone she had stored up thoughts and words connected to their relationship until the little tattered piece of paper had been carrying in her pocket was brimming with expressions of love.

Looking at the collection before her, she was filled with a warm sense of contentedness. Locating one small section that was not filled in yet, she leaned forward and traced a box around the spot. There were two more words that had yet to be spoken before it was complete.

"I do."

* * *

_Thought or comments are appreciated!_


	2. I'm Here

_Thanks for the responses everyone, here's another chapter for you all! It might take me a few days between updates because college keeps me pretty busy. I keep using writing this fanfic as my reward for getting things done, haha._

_This one is mostly centered on JiHoo's thoughts, WooBin/YiJung's relationship and of course SoEul moments! I know there hasn't been much from JunPyo/JanDi yet, but that's coming I promise. I'm really trying to figure out how to be true to the characters so feel free to comment on that aspect._

_Much love,_

_Alicia_

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter Two: I'm Here**

WooBin entered the studio quietly and leaned against one of the large wooden tables, basking in a warm stream of sunlight opposite of YiJung's workspace. He had always loved watching his friend spin. In high school he struggled quietly to feel adequate as part of the F4. JunPyo had already shown some success as a businessman, YiJung was an established and famous potter, and JiHoo had been playing violin practically since he was born. But the years had taught him that regardless of his skills, or lack thereof, he could always find acceptance in this studio. He found himself staring at his friend's hands as they skillfully worked the clay, remembering how many times he had stood in the same spot over the years, his fascination never ceasing. YiJung was more than a friend to him, more a brother and also- a lifesaver.

"You know you're the first guy to stand in such awe. Usually it's the girls that can't stop watching." YiJung spoke affectionately, his eyes not leaving the rotating piece.

"You spin the exact same way you did before you left. It's almost as if nothing's changed."

The potter smiled, dipping his hands into water and then returning to caressing the smooth clay. WooBin was still enraptured, watching his friend's hands. He could see the slight off-kilter way the once-broken one moved in comparison to the flawless right. Despite the damage however, they both moved fluidly as they worked and it was hard to believe there was a time where they both thought YiJung would never spin again. The wheel slowed unexpectedly and the potter lifted a hand to his head, wincing slightly.

"Yo, you ok?"

YiJung nodded gingerly, a faint smile on his face as he made eye contact. "Just a bit of a headache, I mustn't be used to the brightness in here after being gone for so long. The studio in Sweden was much darker." He wiped his hands on his apron casually. "What time is it?"

"A little past noon."

"I told GaEul we would go to lunch. You should come."

He couldn't tell if YiJung was inviting him so he wouldn't feel left out, or if he actually wanted the company even though it was probably a mixture of both. He shrugged, walking the side of the room, observing the latest, uncooked pottery.

"Well either way, I should get ready." He rose, pulling at the tie on the back of the apron. Taking a step, he appeared to lose his balance and for a few seconds, he steadied himself with the corner of the table. Concerned, WooBin darted to him.

"Yo!" He grabbed the potter's arm, asking for a second time. "You okay?"

YiJung shook him off briskly. "I'm fine, just stood up to quickly."

"You really haven't been yourself since Sweden. You should take some time to adjust to being back before filling up your time." He took a seat on the bench, motioning for him to join. Reluctantly, YiJung relented and sat beside him on the bench although he appeared to not be listening. Instead, he faced forward, dark eyes looking at apparently nothing. "You spent so long away, it must be difficult on you to pick up a new schedule… Yo, YiJung. Are you even listening?" He looked suspiciously at his friend. The potter seemed a bit paler than usual and WooBin tentatively reached a hand out, letting it rest lightly on the young man's cheek. It was too warm and when he looked closer, he could see traces of sweat on the edges of the cloth that had been taming his hair while he spun.

"Aish. YiJung you really should be in bed if you're this sick," he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Really, you might be the most stubborn guy I know."

"As stubborn as JunPyo?" was the feeble reply.

"Well, not quite," he admitted with a chuckle. "Maybe you're the second most stubborn. That's still pretty stubborn comparatively." Looking over, he noticed that YiJung's eyes were beginning to droop with every word and his body was progressively slouching lower on the bench. "Ya, you can't sleep here." Grabbing YiJung's wrist, he threw his friend's arm over his own shoulders, hauling him to his feet.

"GaEul…" YiJung protested as he was disjointedly escorted down the hall.

"I'll go over there and let her know," WooBin promised.

"Anyo, I'm fine," he murmured, waking a bit and futilely trying to disentangle himself from WooBin's hold. WooBin simply took a stronger hold, clearly the stronger man at the moment.

"Ya, cut it out. Don't be like this." YiJung looked at him, eyes misty and bloodshot but with a friendly spark behind them.

"I'm supposed to say that to you."

"Yeah well you should listen to your own advice more often. You're always on my case when I get stupid," he retorted quickly. They were almost to the bedroom now and as they reached the edge of the bed he abruptly noticed how light YiJung was. Granted, the last time he had been carried, the boy had been drunk, beaten, and dead weight. Even so, something made him uneasy about how easy it was to move his friend around. Sighing, YiJung sank into his pillows, not even bothering with blankets. He yawned, his body taking over his mind's desire to stay awake and forcing him into submission.

"WooBin."

"Yeah?"

"Don't you wait around all night." His words were quiet, barely audible as he bordered on the edge of sleep. "I know you'll want to. But I'm… mm fine."

WooBin shook his head. It was just like YiJung to tell him to leave. And he was painfully aware of his intentions in staying despite that; he felt like he owed it to the potter. After all, there was a time when he'd found it hard to even keep living and not once had YiJung walked away from him. Instead, he quietly left the room and, as he had promised, fished in his pocket for his phone, dialed GaEul's number, and waited for her to answer.

* * *

The concrete was warm from the sun and the feeling of bittersweet familiarity almost unbearable. It was abnormally quiet here, for a spot nestled in the midst of an elite high school. Even so, bit didn't surprise seeing as stealing away during school to nap here had been his original intentions in picking the space.

JiHoo sighed while leaning his head against the wall, legs outstretched in front of him. Could it really be true that Guem JanDi, the girl who had stood just feet above this spot screaming about the wealthy, would be marrying the man that she had once loudly declared hatred for. It was here that they had first met. Here, he had looked at her, covered in flour and eggs and offered her his handkerchief. Here they had drawn JunPyo'a angry face on the walls with chalk. Here, he had shielded her from the sight of JunPyo kissing JaeKyung.

Hands trembling, he brought up her number on his phone, staring at the call button. She probably wouldn't answer, he thought sadly. It had been two days since they'd held a conversation longer than saying hello in passing. All he wanted was to hear her bright voice call him sunbae, to see her smile light up because of something he said, to hold her small frame against his. He tossed the phone angrily, the white enamel skittering across the concrete and gaining scratches with every inch it slid.

"Guem JanDi," he hissed through clenched teeth, "Why is your firefighter not enough?"

* * *

She'd never been to any other parts of his house besides the studio. She had been past the locked door whenever she had been feeling especially lonely. JanDi had initially been a comfort to her being in the same situation of course, but her days were soon spent with JiHoo. He, at least during the four years, had been JanDi's primary source of comfort, leaving GaEul alone with her thoughts on some nights. It was then that she would venture out and walk the street past his studio, just to prove to herself that there was a reason for him to return.

"GaEul, this way."

WooBin was leading her down the hallway and nervously she followed, her thoughts keeping her from looking around at the rooms past which they walked. She always enjoyed his company within the group and as usual, he had been quite friendly upon picking her up. He proceeded to calmly explain to her the situation while allowing time for questions. When she asked to go to back with him, he showed no signs of hesitation, but rather led her to his car and now, to YiJung's room.

"WooBin."

"GaEul," he looked at her inquisitively.

"Thanks. You're a good friend to him."

He smiled slightly in response, motioning to the door in front of which they were standing.

"He's asleep but I'm sure he'll be glad to know you're here." The words were sincere, but laced with tones of sadness. "I'll be in the other room." With that he left, disappearing down the hall. GaEul felt bad for him as he left, realizing how incredibly lonely WooBin must be to seem so sad.

A soft rustling from within the room redirected her thoughts. She stepped inside cautiously. The heavy curtains had already been closed and the room was quite dark despite the fading light outside. From under a mound of luxurious covers, she spied subtle movement.

As she drew closer, she could see that he had wrapped the blankets so tightly around himself that his face was practically hidden beneath the edges. She touched her fingertips to his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin. He stirred, leaning into the touch.

"YiJung," she whispered.

"GaEul…?"

"Woo Bin brought me. I'm here." He began to open his mouth and reply, but she put a hand on his shoulder to stop him."Anyo, don't talk. Go back to sleep," she coaxed.

Next to the bed was a shallow bowl of cool water, washcloth balanced on the rim. WooBin had clearly been taking good care of his friend before she arrived. Removing her coat, she wrung a cloth out and brought it tenderly to his brow.

"GaEul.." he moaned softly.

"I'm here YiJung. I'm not going anywhere. Just rest now."

"Can't sleep," he murmured, "too hot…"

In the dark, she made a sympathetic face even though he couldn't see it. It broke her heart to see him so uncomfortable.

"Do you want me to take off some of these blankets?"

"Anyo, it's cold." His tone was childishly whiny, but she found it adorable it its own way. Thinking about what she could do to help him sleep, she came up with an idea. Removing the cloth from his forehead, she reached beneath his head with her left hand.

"Ya," he protested, resisting the movement.

"Just one second. You're okay." She smiled inside as he quieted at her voice. Supporting his head and neck, she pulled him close to her chest, holding him there. With her free hand, she deftly slid the pillow from beneath him.

"GaEul," he breathed, words muffled by her t-shirt. For a moment, she paused to savor the feeling of his head so close to her body. The contact felt so natural and it made her realize even more home much she had pined for him for the last four years. A few seconds passed where all she felt were his gentle breaths on her, their sound obscured by quickened pace of her own hear passed. She then flipped the pillow so that the cool side was facing up, lowering him back down and smoothing his hair out affectionately. She watched him as he relaxed, letting his head turn so his cheek was against the fabric. A contented smile danced on his lips.

"How did you know?" It was adorable the way his face furrowed slightly as if he was exhausted that he had to think very hard about what he was saying.

"My Mom used to do that for me when I was young and it always felt so good, no matter how sick I was. Sometimes if I was afraid or had a nightmare I'd call her in the middle of the night just to ask her to do it so I could feel her holding me. It made me feel safe."

"Safe…"

She wasn't sure if he was just repeating her words, but her heart leapt anyhow as she watched his flawless face before her. She brought a freshly dampened cloth to his brow once more, draping it carefully across his skin and stroking his hair.

"GaEul… Mian."

She leaned close to listen, her cheek practically touching his. Kissing his forehead and readjusting the cloth she answered with reassurance.

"Anyo YiJung. There's nothing to apologize for. "

* * *

Woobin restlesly stretched out upon the guest bed that was so familiar to of dropping in on his friend and spending the night had made him quite familiar with this room.

Closing his eyes, he recounted the events of the evening. After he had led GaEul to YiJung's bedside curiosity had gotten the better of him. He had made his way to just outside the room, silently listening in. GaEul had been telling some story about her mother taking care of her and inside, he wished he had had the chance to experience such a thing in his youth. Growing up with his father and his father's friends, he had never experienced motherly love. He had always thought that once the four years had passed, things would go back to normal but as he was witnessing,this was not the case. YiJung had GaEul now and she not only was fulfilling a romantic place in his heart, she was also filling a friendship place. The space that used to be his and his alone. Retreating to the guest room he had felt guilty for being so upset. After all, it was not YiJung or GaEul's fault that they had fallen in love.

Wearily, he turned out the light and rolled over to face the wall._ I'm really am happy for you YiJung_, he thought. _I truly am my friend. I just... I don't want to lose you._

* * *

His room was dark, but thin beams of sunlight snuck through the slats of the dark curtains so he knew it was daytime. Fumbling for his phone, he peered at the time- 10:00 am. Something damp touched his hand and he reached over, picking up a washcloth. _GaEul._ He looked around the room with urgency. For a moment he thought he had been dreaming, but then he spotted a small mound on his armchair. It was rising and falling evenly and he could see a long cascade of hair draped over the arm of the chair. He smiled looking at her. She must have been there the whole night. He felt better, but didn't think he'd be strong enough to move her so he carefully covered her with one of his blankets instead

Tiptoeing to the bathroom so as not to disturb her, he removed his clothes, turned on the shower, and stepped in. The hot water felt wonderful and for a while he just stood beneath the flow, enjoying himself. When he was finished, he dried himself quickly and slipped into some clean clothing. He felt slightly lightheaded from the steam but at least his fever was house was virtually silent as he towel dried his hair and if he didn't know any better, he'd assume he was alone.

He enjoyed living similarly to JiHoo, with the help staff being absent from his day to day activities. The artist side of him enjoyed the alone time and he was never truly alone with WooBin dropping by every so often to check in on him. At the thought of his friend, he suddenly became suspicious. Exiting the bathroom, he headed for the guest room down the hall. The door, usually kept closed, was slightly cracked. Peeking through the void, he spied the back of a brown leather jacket and dark jeans sprawled across the quilt. _I knew you wouldn't leave, _he thought with a grin.

"Sunbae?"

He jumped startled at the feminine voice. A very sleepy looking GaEul appeared, her hair tousled from sleeping.

"How are you feeling?"

She looked amazingly beautiful in the sunlight hall and he stepped forward, pulling her close. "Better GaEul. I'm sorry to worry you."

Surprisingly she didn't resist the hold, but instead buried her face in his shirt. He heard her yawn before she sleepily spoke again. "Anyo."

"GaEul?"

"Hmm? She was still awkwardly speaking into his chest but he enjoyed the contact.

"Thank you."

He swore that with his words, he could feel her smile.

* * *

_Thanks guys, I'm hoping to get Chapter 3 up soon!_


	3. Trust My Judgment

_Sorry for the wait guys! Its quad finals at school so I've been bogged down with loads of assignments before spring break. I had a massive exam today and if any of you have taken organic chemistry, you understand why all my time has gone to that class._

_Anyhow, here we go. (Oh and spring break is next week I'm hoping to really get things moving along with all my free time!)_

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 3: Trust my Judgment**

It was taking all of his willpower not to walk out of the restaurant.

JiHoo tried to relax and enjoy the company of his friends, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to maintain composure as the night dragged on. Simply put, it was not the same as it had been four years earlier. Conversation seemed strained at times, the topics desperate. It was as if they had run out of things to say and were eating as a group of strangers rather than friends.

The real problem however, was not the awkwardness within the group; his issue was more personal than that. The discomfort had begun almost the second JunPyo had showed up. It was bad enough that the guy had been missing for the past three days, no doubt off somewhere wooing JanDi, but now JiHoo was being forced to listen to what seemed like endless wedding talk.

He looked across the table at WooBin who seemed to be laying low as well, also uncomfortable with all the talk about love and future spouses. To WooBin's right was YiJung, nodding his head every few sentences as JunPyo droned on and on. He had been suspiciously quiet all night and JiHoo thought he looked like he would fall asleep at the table. Frowning, he resigned to pretending he was still paying attention to JunPyo's latest story. Luckily, he didn't need to pretend for long as the food arrived and there was a pause in the conversation.

JunPyo lifted his glass "A toast, to the return of the F4!"

"And to Guem JanDi and Goo JunPyo!" WooBin offered up in good manners. JiHoo's ears burned at the statement, but he raised his glass with his friends regardless. Glasses clinked and the stifling silence continued as they all fell upon their meals, no one with anything significant to say. Too frustrated to eat, Jihoo's eyes wandered the table and he noticed something peculiar. YiJung had been rolling his sleeves up to eat when the flash of dark had appeared, stark against his skin.

"What's that?"

"Nothing." YiJung hastily moved to roll the fabric back down self-consciously. Unfortunately for him, Woobin was quicker, catching him in the act and snatching hold of his wrist. From across the table JiHoo could see his grip line his fingers up perfectly with the dark ovals. Woobin stared at the marks with a strange look on his face before letting go abruptly, taken aback.

"Did I do that to you?"

"What? You hurt YiJung, hah." JunPyo remarked, mouth full with rice.

WooBin ignored him, still looking shocked. "The other day- when you were sick. I grabbed onto your wrist to help you."

"It's nothing," YiJung mumbled, picking up his fork and poking around his plate. "It's just a bruise. I'm fine."

"YiJung was sick? How come you guys never tell me anything, huh?" JunPyo interjected, looking up and finally joining the conversation. JiHoo wanted to hit him for being so thick, but instead focused on the marks on the potter's arm.

"WooBin, how tightly did you hold his wrist."

"Aish, really guys. It's not that big of a deal, it was an accident." YiJung was still playing with the contents of his plate, trying to divert their attention back to the food and away from himself, clearly uncomfortable.

"How is that even possible? I didn't hold on that tightly." WooBin's tone was changing and he kept looking at JiHoo, concern flickering in his eyes.

"YiJung-ah…-"

"Ya!" JunPyo interrupted once more, laying down his utensils. "Are we going to eat or talk about YiJung and a stupid bruise."

JiHoo could see the embarrasment on YiJung's face, so he let the topic go for the moment, peering down at his own plate. As much as he was annoyed with JunPyo, YiJung was clearly not a fan of the conversation moving along any further.

"Aish…" JunPyo muttered, taking another mouthful. The four of them returned to eating silently, each taking an occasional glance at another in between bites. JiHoo could see WooBin consistently looking in YiJung's direction, still disconcerted.

YiJung noticed, laying down his utensils with an exasperated look. "I'll be back," he muttered hastily, "bathroom."

WooBin jumped up almost immediately, ready to follow the potter. At the same time JiHoo also rose and reached out a hand stopping him.

"Anyo, I got this one."

WooBin looked at him, surprised. They stared at each other for a moment before WooBin unexpectedly nodded, conceding to sitting back down. JiHoo flashed him a reassuring look before striding away from the table. He could still hear JunPyo complaining as he left the table but his thoughts were now elsewhere. His medical mind was overriding his everyday thought process as he followed YiJung. He'd heard the countless warnings against looking for disease in people whilst studying medicine, but his gut was telling him something was actually wrong here. Even though his insides were conflicted, he entered the men's room calmly; there was no need to further fluster his friend.

"YiJung."

"Are you my babysitter now?"

"Anyo." He leaned casually against the sink, facing the door and waiting for his friend to be done.

"How long has it been?"

From behind him came the muffled reply. "I don't know, I noticed it this morning. It's just a bruise."

"But how long since you first began feeling ill? Since before you returned?"

There was a long pause and then a quiet reply. "A week before…"

JiHo looked down as his suspicions were confirmed, thinking before speaking. "Do you trust me?"

"You're going to ask that?"

He smiled, crossing his arms in front of him. "I meant my medical judgment. I have the day shift at the hospital tomorrow. You should come and let someone check you out. You say you trust me, right?" The sound of the faucet turning on was the only reply to his words as YiJung had apparently stopped talking. "I'm not going to tell anyone about this; it's not my decision to. But YiJung-" he turned to make eye contact, "please… trust my judgment on this."

Without another word and without looking back he left the room, door swinging behind him and Yijung standing by the sink alone with his options.

* * *

The cold had settled earlier than he anticipated and he was worried that she wouldn't be warm enough and the whole night would be a disaster. As it was, he was already starting to wish he'd worn more layers himself. Shivering, JunPyo dug his hands deeper into his pockets, patiently standing outside JanDi's door. When she finally appeared, her excitement was much more apparent than his as she shyly joined him on the sidewalk.

"Yah JanDi. Don't you have anything warmer to wear?"

"Warmer?" She did that thing where she cocked her head to the side in thought, repeating his words. It made him chuckle a little, he'd missed all those little quirks of hers.

"Yes, warmer. It's cold out here." As he spoke, he shivered a little. If he was already cold, then she definitely was going to be.

"Anyo, I'll be fine." She shook her head, moving closer to him.

"Ya! Your fiancé's trying to look out for you. Can't you listen for once, aish." She looked at him with that stubborn look that usually preceded more back-talk but before she could open her mouth he spoke first. "JanDi-ah." She looked at him, eyes wide. "Please."

"W-W-Weh?" He laughed softly, taking her by the shoulders and turning her around. With a gentle push, he nudged her back towards the door. She obeyed quietly, disappearing through the door once more. He sighed, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He really wanted things to go well tonight. After lunch, he had felt strangely lonely. The F4 had grown distant from him, strange and secretive. JiHoo had been brooding and moody all afternoon and then there was that thing with YiJung…

The door flew open again and JanDi reappeared, her cute face framed by one of those hats with the giant pompom on top. He inspected her from head to toe to make sure that she looked warm enough before he nodded approvingly, taking her hand. "Ga Ja!"

Happily, they set off down the street, JanDi taking twice as many steps to keep up with his longer strides. "How was lunch?"

He almost pulled away but he reminded himself that it wasn't her fault. She was trying to bring up a friendly subject and unintentionally intruded upon an unfriendly memory. "Let's not talk about the F4 right now." He checked his watch nervously. "Aish! We have to get going!"

"Where?" Her feet went a mile a minute as she practically jogged beside him.

"Just keep up." He half-dragged her around the corner and down to the playground where he had once begged her to tell him she liked him. He could hear her sharp intake of breath as the scene came into view.

"Whoa, it's so pretty!" Her eyes shined with the reflection from the lights that shone across the playground equipment.

"You're still easily amused huh." He laughed watching her face.

"Goo JunPyo!" She sounded angry, but her smile was soft and pleasant. He took her hand once more, leading her towards the merry-go-round in the center of the yard. Lights were wrapped around the bars, illuminating the metal circle. Layers of blankets and cozy pillows covered the cold metal and he sat on the edge, motioning for her to join him. She did, settling in front of him, still gazing at all the lights.

"Come here." She looked so warm in her coat and he was practically numb from the cold so he pulled her close. She tried to wriggle away from his hold almost immediately.

"Are you not going to sit still?"

"Anyo, you've got me so tight, I can't move."

"Shh, look." He pointed up at the night sky. She held still for a moment, intrigued.

"I don't see any-"

"Give it a second," he murmured while breathing in her scent. Almost as soon as he spoke the lights turned off. He felt her startle with the change and he pulled her closer to him. "Look now," he whispered in her ear. Together they tilted their eyes up to the black sky, waiting with breaths held for something to happen.

A brilliant star flashed across the sky, leaving a bright tail behind that slowly faded into the night. He couldn't see her face, but he imagined it clearly in his mind. Within a few more seconds more balls of light jetted across the open air, each leaving their own beautiful tails to linger gently until gone.

"Here." He carefully poured and passed her a warm cup filled with coffee. She took in in gloved hands, still watching the spectacle up above. "I didn't pay for this one. Well, the lights and blankets and such but not the stars."

"Meteors."

"What?"

"It's a meteor shower." She leaned back against him contentedly as he stiffened at her words.

"Wha-"

"They're beautiful." Her gentle words stopped his rising belligerence. "Thank you."

He relaxed, feeling her warm body fit perfectly against his. He was no longer cold; everything inside him felt warm and the crappy beginning to his day no longer mattered. It was just him and her and he relished in the moment. Sighing, he buried his nose into her shoulder.

"I'm glad you waited for me… my moon, Guem JanDi."

* * *

He awoke tasting copper.

Rolling over, Yijung coughed into his sleeve, surprised at the bright red splatter that appeared on the fabric. Looking down, he discovered that the edges of his blanket stained as well and he felt a familiar slick substance on his upper lip. His nose was bleeding again.

"Aish!"

Stumbling out of bed, he snagged a handful of tissues and pinched his nose tightly. In front of his closet, he stared at his reflection in the full-length mirror, disturbed by the half-dried red line smeared across his cheek and the soiled tissue that was slowly becoming saturated with blood with each second passed.

He grabbed another tissue. The flow wasn't slowing and as he looked back at his bed his heart skipped a beat at the crimson stains left where he had been laying. It was on his face, all over his pillow, in his sheets, and he was frightened.

Breathing heavily through his mouth, he remembered what JiHoo had said just before leaving dinner._ I have the day shift at the hospital tomorrow. You should come and let someone check you out. You say you trust me, right?_ Shaking, he picked up his phone and hit the first number on the speed dial. It rang only twice before there was a soft click and a sleepy voice on the other end.

"YiJung?"

"WooBin." He paused for a moment hesitantly before continuing, still pressing the Kleenex to his nose, praying for it to stop.

"YiJung… Are you alright?"

"Anyo, I need a favor from you. It's important- I need you to take me somewhere."

"Right now?"

YiJung wasn't sure how to reply, his mind too panicked to decide. The sight of the blood -stained tissue in his hand made up his mind and the silence seemed to make up WooBin's.

"I'm on my way."


	4. I'll Be Fine

_Sorry for the wait everyone, I had miterms this past week at school. The good news is that I am not on spring break so chapters should be coming quicker and more often. Once again, I'm so thankful for all the positive reviews, you guys really keep me inspired so thanks!_

_~Alicia_

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 4: I'll Be Fine**

The smell of rubbing alcohol burned his nose and he suddenly found himself second-guessing his decision to come to the hospital. The sight of the needle JiHoo was prepping didn't help either. To his right, WooBin's gaze were also focused on the instruments laid out on the tray beside the chair.

"Ready?" JiHoo asked, rolling up YiJung's sleeve casually.

"Anyo." He shook his head quickly, shifting uncomfortably in the chair. His eyes were wide and he pulled his arm away from JiHoo's gloved hands.

"Ya. Really?" JiHoo looked amused at the potter's childish reaction. "WooBin, it's not that bad right?" He looked over at his other friend who had grown a shade paler as he backed further into the corner. JiHoo couldn't help but stifle laughter at the sight of them. "I can't believe you're both this uncomfortable with needles. Especially you, WooBin." As he spoke, JiHoo took YiJung firmly by the wrist and applied the disinfectant in a circular motion. Flinching, he pulled his hand back, breaking the hold. "Would you rather one of the student nurses do this?" He asked playfully.

YiJung shook his head quickly, holding out his arm. "Anyo, just make it quick."

"I'll give you candy when you're done," he joked, "both of you."

Swiftly and efficiently he cleaned the skin once more, gently inserting the needle into the crook of YiJung's arm. Blood flowed into the clear plastic tubing, filling three vials that were expertly placed by skilled hands. YiJung had his eyes scrunched closed, putting like a kindergartener still while WooBin was staring at the ceiling absentmindedly.

"Done." JiHoo announced, applying a band-aid to the spot as YiJung opened one eye curiously. He laughed again at his friends before filling out the rest of the paperwork. "The lab is rushing the tests because you are a VIP patient. You should hear back in a couple of hours. You can stay here if you like but I doubt you want to."

YiJung rolled his sleeve back down, and JiHoo saw him take a lingering look at the fading bruises on his wrist before he looked back up. "Thanks."

JiHoo nodded, "Keep your phone with you. I'll see you in a few hours."

* * *

He loved watching her sleep, always had.

To JunPyo, it still seemed so unreal that here she was, in his house, wearing his ring on her left hand. He sighed, resisting the urge to jump in bed and curl up next to her. Unfortunately he was well aware that both his mother and father were home and permission to have his fiancée stay overnight in the guest room was not the same as being allowed to stay in that roomwith her. So for now, he just watched her thinking about what it had felt like to hold her in his arms under the stars, carrying her to the car when she's fallen asleep and then to the guest room when they arrived home.

Smiling he leaned over to kiss her forehead. Pulling back to look at her sleeping face one more time, he slipped a small note beneath her pillow gently before leaving.

_I'm leaving first- didn't want to wake you. I'll call you after the meeting. Saranghae, ~J_

* * *

It didn't happen very often, but this one once of the few times since they'd been friends, that he felt uncomfortable being a part of YiJung's personal business.

WooBin leaned against the wall, keeping out of the way and feeling out of place. He knew his relationship with YiJung was close-knit, and therefore they kept nothing from each other, but something inside of him felt like he was prying by being in the room while the doctor delivered the results of his practically-a-brother's tests. He was thankful, in a way, that he couldn't see YiJung's face at the moment. This whole situation was becoming increasingly more disconcerting and he wasn't sure if he's be able to maintain composure if he watched the potter receive bad news.

Almost businesslike, the doctor began to speak. "So YiJung, your blood work showed some concerning results. Preliminary tests show an elevated white count. You could be fighting an infection of some sort but your other symptoms are indicative of a different issue. I recommend another test to be certain."

"Another blood test?" He saw YiJung's shoulders become significantly tenser with each second. His own muscles were tightening around his chest, making it harder to breathe normally. His stomach was squirming with anxiety and he couldn't even imagine what YiJung must be experiencing.

"Not exactly," the doctor continued. "This one is called a bone marrow aspiration. Basically, we extract some bone marrow from your hip bone. Then we can look at those cells to get more detailed information. We have the space so we are going to go ahead and schedule you an appointment for tomorrow."

The shock of the statement overwhelmed him and WooBin couldn't help but interject before YiJung had a chance to speak again. "So soon?"

The doctor looked up as if he's forgotten there was someone else in the room. "It's important we come to conclusive results as soon as possible."

"Wha-" YiJung raised a hand to WooBin, signaling him to stop. Swallowing hard, he clenched his jaw and did as requested.

With an unsteady voice, YiJung asked the question which was burning in the back of WooBin's mind. "What is it we could be dealing with here?"

"Best case, some form of anemia. Worst, some form of cancer. But we can't be sure until we complete this test." There was a torrent of silence that came crashing down on the room before the doctor tentatively broke the plane. "Do you have any questions?" WooBin did. He had a million and one questions, but it wasn't his place to ask right now. Right now, all he could think about was protecting YiJung who was looking away.

Reacting on instinct, WooBin reached out to rest a hand on YiJung's shoulder. The reaction was immediate and violent as his touch was swatted away. The next words from the potter's mouth were cold and distant as he retreated somewhere inside himself.

"Anyo. Thank You."

Most of the other students hated writing charts, but he had always found some enjoyment in quiet, alone time.

* * *

JiHoo sighed wearily. Ordinarily charting was easy to accomplish, a nice break from the usual business of medical school, but tonight he was distracted. Throwing his pen down, he reached across the desk for the newest-looking folder. Opening it he stared once more at the results of the blood panel even though he was sure he knew it by heart.

"So YiJung," he murmured, running his finger along the name on the file. It seemed impossible that this could be happening but here was the proof before him. Tossing the file away in disbelief, he reached for his phone.

There was no one to call. JanDi and JunPyo were on a date, absorbed with each other's presence and ultimately unreachable. YiJung wasn't speaking to anyone since the morning's appointment and JiHoo knew that when he wanted to be left alone it was best to do so. WooBin had turned his phone off out of frustration and fear. Alone with the scariest piece of paper he'd ever looked at, JiHoo didn't know what to feel. He didn't remember being this numb since after his parent's accident. Unconsciously he touched the scar beneath his eye. He needed someone to distract himself, someone he could give and give and give to so he could forget everything else.

_GaEul._

The thought hit him like a tornado, fast and strong and irrational. He thought about GaEul who was beautifully innocent and being thrown into a situation that could only lead to this thought he felt guilty for even entertaining the thought but his tired doubts were stronger, persevering in this battle. _Jandi has JunPyo now. They have each other and there's no longer a need for me to follow her around, _he thought to himself.

More confused than ever, he laid his aching head on the desk. The room was dark, silent, and he found himself readily welcoming the simplicity of dreamless sleep.

* * *

He couldn't bring himself to call her.

YiJung had dismissed WooBin as soon as he had pulled into the drive. He'd spent the night alone, staring down a bottle of wine with her stuck in his mind.

He broke the seal on the bottle, pouring it into a glass and swirling it gently with his good hand. Sighing heavily, he pushed the glass across the table so it was beyond his reach. With such an important test in the morning, he should not be drinking tonight. Besides, he reminded himself, there was no conclusive answer yet.

Holding his breath, he flipped his phone around in his hands as he exhaled.

She answered almost immediately, practically taking his ear off with her shriek. "YiJung-ah, are you alright?"

Shakily, he answered in as steady of a voice as possible. "GaEul… sorry I missed your calls. I was- out… with WooBin." It wasn't a total lie, but it still felt wrong to be deceiving her. "I just must have lost track of time. Mian."

"Oh." She sounded disappointed and it made him feel even guiltier for leaving her alone for the whole day. But not was not a time for apology and he needed to spit out exactly what is was he was trying to say before he lost his nerve.

"Listen GaEul, I have something I need to tell you."

"Would you like me to come over?" She sounded so excited at the prospect, but he knew he would not be able to handle her presence at the moment. He was more frightened of hurting her in this mood than he was of his potential health issues.

"Anyo, I- I'd rather be alone for a bit if that's okay." She grew very quiet and he clenched his hand tighter around the phone to stop it from shaking."GaEul," he swallowed anxiously. "Today, with WooBin we weren't just hanging out."

"You weren't…?"

"Anyo, I spoke with a doctor."

"But… I thought- I thought you said you were feeling better." Her concern made him hurt even more as his eyes drifted back to the alcohol. His mouth had become increasingly more dry and he licked his lips nervously before continuing.

"They want me to come to the hospital tomorrow- for a test."

"I'll take the day off." Her answer was immediate and painfully sincere.

"Anyo, your students will worry." He quickly blurted, hoping it didn't sound too harsh.

"But YiJung…"

He felt as if his voice was going to break and he felt like he could barely continue the conversation. "I'll have WooBin pick you up from school and you can meet us at the hospital, ok?"

"YiJung…"

"GaEul." He was fighting the urge to hang up but he until he gave her some sort of reassurance.

"Everything's okay, right?" Her voice was so small and fragile and he knew if would break them both to deliver bad news.

"Yes," he forced himself to lie to her. "I'll be fine GaEul."

_I'll be fine._

* * *

Sorry so short this time, I'll make the next chapter longer!


	5. Results

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter Five: Diagnosis**

The gravity of the situation was becoming frighteningly real.

Dressed in a hospital gown, prodded, poked, and asked a hundred questions, YiJung was now waiting in the procedure room for a doctor to be ready. JiHoo was with him, the only friend permitted to come this far because of his involvement in the medical program. Much tohis dismay, WooBin had been banished to the waiting room where YiJung guessed he was probably going stir-crazy. Rarely was his friend in a position where he couldn't find a way around the rules and already, by mid-morning his intent of staying by YiJung's side had been thwarted.

"Are you nervous?" JiHoo's question was friendly and honest.

"Truthfully?"

JiHoo nodded affirmatively, still looking at him. YiJung nodded back as he shivered beneath the thin fabric they'd forced him so wear. JiHoo leaned against the table next to him. "Usually they only give general anesthesia. I've asked them to give you a mild sedative so you'll have to stay here for observation until tomorrow. It's better for you not to be alone. You might be a little sore after, but they'll give you medication," he paused for a moment, looking around, "Is GaEul coming?"

YiJung looked away quickly. "I told her not to worry and to go to school. She doesn't know any of the details."

"Do you really think that's best?"

"We don't know anything yet. It won't do any good to worry her." It felt strange to try and explain to his friend. He knew he didn't need to justify his decisions, but part of him knew it was wrong to keep so much from GaEul. JiHoo opened his mouth in response, but was interrupted by a nurse briskly entering the room. YiJung groaned at the sight of her tray.

"Another needle?"

"One more, but this one's going to stay put for a while," she explained while setting up her materials and inserting a slender IV needle. He was sure his face must have been comical, but nothing about the needle currently taped to the crook of his elbow. He started at the plastic tubing, his stomach churning with anxiety.

"Alrighty," the nurse continued while pulling out another needle. YiJung bit his lip, expecting another stick, but this one was inserted into the line that ran into his vein. "I'll be back in a few minutes; you might start to feel drowsy before then."

YiJung nodded in thanks as she left, resisting the urge to touch the foreign IV in his arm. JiHoo turned to face him, motioning for him to leave it alone. "I'll be in there the whole time. WooBin and Gaeul can come in once you're out of recovery."

"Ok," he nodded; his eyes were beginning to feel really heavy. The room seemed to be spinning a bit as he closed his eyes to fight the dizziness. He was starting to feel very confused.

"It's the medication YiJung. Don't fight it." He felt a hand touch his arm and he opened his eyes to see JiHoo's face swimming blurrily before him as a wave of drowsiness washed over him.

"That was quick…," he murmured as JiHoo's profile disappeared and the room faded to black.

He watched his friend nod off and then nodded to the doctor standing by the door, freshly scrubbed and ready to go.

JiHoo took a step back as the medical team immediately stepped in. An anesthesiologist moved to monitor the potter's vital signs and started him on the more effective IV sedation while two nursed turned YiJung onto his side and applied iodine to his hip.

JiHoo looked away, biting his lip. He'd seen the procedure plenty of times before, but never on a friend. It wasn't a pleasant one to witness either. Staring at the wall he heard YiJung's sharp intake of breath as the biopsy needle was inserted. The potter gave a small whimper. "YiJung. Ya, look here. You're okay. You're okay." He forced himself to look at his friend, grabbing hold of his hand. He'd forgotten the sedative didn't render patients fully unconscious and it surprised him when YiJung's fingers closed around his.

"All set," the doctor stated as he withdrew the needle. "JiHoo, do you want to apply the pressure bandage?" JiHoo stepped forward, trying to put his feelings aside and act professionally. When the doctor had gone, he looked down at his sleeping friend.

"I'm here YiJung," he promised, "I'm here."

* * *

He hated waiting.

The hospital wall clock was not WooBin's friend and if it wasn't mounted so high on the wall he would have smashed it by now. Half an hour they had told him, and coming from a background where being punctual was regarded as important, he was more anxious as the thirty minute mark grew closer. Luckily, the waiting room was surprisingly empty and he was free to pace as much as he wanted. Footsteps other than his own broke the monotonous rhythm and he looked up hopefully.

"Ji-Hoo? Hows-"

"He's fine. They just moved him back to his room. The sedative will take a few hours to fully wear off. He'll probably just sleep for most of the time. If he has any pain, just let one of the nurses know and they'll take care of it. You can see him now." JiHoo gave him a relieved smile. "Ga Ja?"

He nodded, conflicted at how to feel. He was certainly relieved that YiJung was doing well following the procedure, yet still wary to celebrate without a good diagnosis. At his bedside, he felt slightly shocked at the sight of his friend in a hospital bed, IV and oxygen monitor attached to his body. WooBin leaned over the side of the bed, mouth dry. "YiJung, are you in any pain?"

"Anyo," he murmured, eyes still closed. "Tired."

WooBin put a hand on his arm with a friendly pat. "Araso, you did good buddy. Just sleep for now."

* * *

The only thing stopping him from speeding and swearing the whole way to the hospital was the presence of his fiancée.

JunPyo kept his eyes on the road, trying to focus on driving and forget about the welling anger inside of him. He couldn't believe that his own friends could have left him in the dark like this. JanDi was silent, taking the hint that he was not in the mood to discuss the situation. Inside, he felt a little guilty for interrogating her after she had mentioned that YiJung was in the hospital. He just didn't understand why none of the F4 had said anything to him about something as important as this. His thoughts were a torrent of confusion that grew inside of him, building force the closer the got to the hospital.

When they finally arrived and he parked the car, his anger was at such a point that he couldn't suppress it any longer. Storming through the doors, leaving her to run behind him he caught sight of his two comrades. "JiHoo! WooBin!" His sudden shout startled them both, he could seem them jump from where he was. _They better be nervous, _he thought to himself.

"JunPyo." WooBin was extending a hand in greeting. He ignored him, bristling at the audacity of the gesture.

"Where is he?"

"YiJung? He's sleeping." WooBin gestured towards the door and JunPyo automatically stepped to it, pausing with a shaking hand on the doorknob.

"You guys thought you'd just keep me out of the loop, huh?" His words were icy and laced with accusation.

"Anyo, it's not like that."WooBin protested, eyes darting from JunPyo's face to his clenched fist and back again. "I thought JiHoo was talking to you." His words were an unintentional catalyst as JunPyo rounded on JiHoo as soon as he heard them.

"You, do you want to die?"

"Anyo, JunPyo it's-"

"If you paid a little more attention to someone other than your fiancée, maybe you would have been more aware." He heard JiHoo mutter fiercely under his breath, interrupting WooBin's pleas.

"JiHoo." WooBin looked over as if shocked at what he was hearing.

"You bastard!" JunPyo felt his fist fly as fast as his words, striking JiHoo across the jaw and forcing him to stagger backwards.

"Goo JunPyo!" All three looked over at the voice. In the commotion, they had overlooked JanDi standing just ten feet away. "Stop it! Please…"

JunPyo froze, hand still clenched in fury and eyes darting from his fiancée to the fallen JiHoo. They all stood there for a moment, looking at her. Slowly he lowered his fist, kicking the wall angrily. "Aish!" He spun to face JiHoo who was helped to his feet by YiJung. "This time," he threatened through each heavy breath, "we really are through." Blood still boiling, he left, fingers curled so tightly that his fingernails could slice his palms.

JiHoo grabbed JanDi's wrist as she made to follow him. Angrily, she pushed him away. "Don't touch me." With a look that clearly read "keep away", she shook her head and went after her fiancé with her jaw set firmly in an expression of disgust.

He wiped his mouth, feeling the sting of both the punch and JanDi's emotion. Looking up, he was surprised to see WooBin also clearly upset with him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" WooBin gave him a push that forced distance between the two men.

He looked at him, frustrated. "He hasn't been around. You've seen how much time they spend together. While we all noticed something was going on with YiJung, he didn't even bat an eye. And then he comes in here yelling…" He wiped blood from his lip with his hand, still keeping out of arms reach of WooBin

WooBin looked at him in disbelief. "That's what you're going with?" The protective side of him was coming out, ready to protect his friend. "Listen, I don't care what feelings are still there for JanDi or he hasn't been around or whatever your problem is. He's here now and picking a fight with him isn't helping anything. He stepped forward, grabbing JiHoo's jacket with fierce a fierce gaze. "This is thelast thing YiJung needs. The_ last_ thing." Releasing his hold, he turned his back and slipped back into YiJung's room leaving JiHoo alone again.

* * *

He tried, but he even as angry as he was, he couldn't leave the hospital.

"Ya," a voice came from behind. JunPyo turned to see who it was, shaking his head.

"Aish JiHoo I swear, do you want me to hit you again?"

"JunPyo." His answer was calm and more like his usual tone. It peaked JunPyo's interest so he allowed him to take a seat next to him. There was a long pause before anything was said again.

"Where's JanDi?"

"Don't." He immediately responded cold.

"JunPyo. Mianhe."

JunPyo laughed, looking down and shoving his hands into his pockets. "Mian. That's all you have to say? Mianhe?"

"Anyo." He waited for more, but all he received was more silence in place of an explanation.

"Go ahead."

JiHoo sighed and leaned forward so his arms rested on his knees as he looked ahead. "We shouldn't be like this. YiJung needs us. We need each other."

In that moment, he realized that JiHoo's words meant nothing to him. He'd had enough of this game and he was leaving. Rising from the bench, he used his last bit of politeness for this stranger he once called friend.

"I'm leaving first."

His comrade had dozen off in the large easy chair beside the bed. JiHoo found it endearing, the devotion they had for each other. Their friendship had grown leaps and bounds ahead of his shoddy mess of a relationship with JunPyo

"WooBin," he tapped the young man on the shoulder, rousing him "I'll sit with him for a bit, take a break."

"Anyo, it's alright." WooBin was clearly still angry with him for the incident earlier.

JiHoo pointed to the clock, trying to act normally. "School lets out soon, you should pick up GaEul. You need to spend some time out of this place anyways. You'll be back before he even wakes."

Hesitating, Woobin nodded and picked up his keys. "Araso".

She was already waiting outside when he arrived at the school.

"GaEul," he called to her.

"Sunbae!"

"GaEul, you need not look so frantic. YiJung did just fine. He's resting now and he'll probably be a little sore. The medication made him a little sleepy but he'll be more alert in a few hours. I came to bring to the hospital to see him."

"Oh thank you Sunbae!" She threw her arms around him as he awkwardly

He nodded his head in the direction of the car as she continued to keep her hold on him. "Ga Ja?"

"Sunbae?"

"Mmm?"

"This test… what exactly?"

"YiJung didn't explain to you?"

"Anyo, he was very- reserved… with the details." She sounded as confused as JunPyo had been yet it didn't surprise him that YiJung was keeping the details to himself. He's just trying to protect you, he thought. WooBin tapped his fingers nervously on the steering wheel, not taking his eyes off the road. "Do you know anything sunbae?"

"Anyo," he lied through his teeth.

"He didn't talk to you abo-"

"GaEul, this is something you should talk to him about." He wished he could tell her, but he knew it wasn't up to him to do so.

"Mian." She sounded so scared that he almost said more but he bit his tongue and lied once more.

"I'm sure he'll tell you at some point."

He wasn't sure he believed it, but she needed to.

* * *

He hated the feeling that things were going from bad to worse in twenty four hours' time.

JiHoo cradled the results of the bone marrow biopsy in his harms, staring at the numbers as slowly paced the hallway. There was a soft click as WooBin emerged from the hospital room looking weary. He perked up visbibly when he noticed the file.

"Are those the test results?"

He nodded, "I can't say anything though, I'm bound by confidentiality." He knew it was a potentially disastrous statement so he braced himself for another confrontation.

"JiHoo I swear-"

Quickly, he tried to diffuse the situation. "I could jeopardize my position in the program if I told WooBin."

"You're really not going to tell me?"

"I can't!" The words flew out his like daggers, sharp and full of pain. He hadn't meant to, but his tone revealed everything there was to know.

"Something's wrong, right?"

He nodded, not looking up. "All I have is the results, it's not a diagnosis. When the doctor reviews them he'll speak with YiJung. Then he can decide whether or not to tell everyone. Mianhe WooBin." He expected a reaction, but not the one he got. Instead of protesting or grabbing onto him, WooBin ran. Shocked, JiHoo fumbled to put the chart back before taking off after him. He knew WooBin wouldn't have gone very far and in the darkness JiHoo squinted to try and find his friend.

A shadow caught his eye. WooBin was sitting on the same bench JunPyo had discovered earlier. He was sitting tensely, shoulders heaving with quick breaths. As he drew nearer, JiHoo saw the glint of blood on his hand. An uneven gas ran across his comrade's knuckles. Probably from the brick or concrete that made the walls of the building.

"Let me see." He said quietly, reaching out. WooBin pulled away from him, jaw still clenched. Quietly, JiHoo tried again and again WooBin pulled away. Kneeling, JiHoo continued to try until WooBin sfinally topped fighting his touch.

"He saved my life you know." Woobin was staring ahead as if in a trance. He didn't even seem to care if there was an answer. JiHoo didn't reply, but instead began bandaging the hand.

"I was going to jump. I was on the bridge walking the rail. He grabbed me. Told me what a selfish bastard I was being."

JiHoo had always known something had gone on between the two of them and he knew WooBin wasn't looking for a conversation so he let him keep talking as he pulled tape from the pocket of his white coat.

"He was right you know, I was being selfish."

JiHoo finished and stood, facing his friend. "He'll be getting the best treatment. And he came in early which is always good."

"You really believe that?" He wasn't sure he did but he sure wanted to. They all wanted things to be okay again.

"I have to." He nudged WooBin's foot with his own. "Come, we should go in and sit with him until he wakes."

* * *

The room was awfully bright as he cracked an eye open, annoyed that the sun had woken him up.

YiJung sleepily reached up a hand to push his hair from his eyes, looking around the room. WooBin was hidden behind an open newspaper; he could tell who it was by the ring on his friend's hand. It had been a birthday gift, the year he had stopped WooBin on the bridge.

"Ya. Don't you have a life?" he inquired sleepily.

"Yo my bro, you're awake." WooBin folded the paper neatly, putting it to the side and surveying his friend. "How are you feeling?"

Out of the corner of his eye, YiJung saw JiHoo excuse himself so quietly that it seemed his presence was the remainder of a lost dream. He shifted in bed uncomfortably, feeling a deep ache in his hip. "Like I'd rather sleep my own bed."

WooBin had drawn the chair closer, smiling. It was then that YiJung noticed the clean white bandage encasing his friends knuckles. "What happened to your hand?"

WooBin shrugged, looking away. "Nothing..." he murmured, rising quickly and turning his back. There was an unnatural tension in his stance. YiJung shook it off, stretching out beneath the covers. He looked around the room with a hopeful glance.

"Where's GaEul?"

"With Jandi. They went to look at flowers for the wedding. It's a good distraction for her. She's been worried about you." He nodded, half disappointed that she wasn't there and half glad that she wasn't cooped up worrying about him. It made him feel guilty to see JiHoo and WooBin still in the same clothes they had worn yesterday. He had a pretty solid hunch that the pair had been there through the night.

"She was here for a while but after the procedure you were pretty much out for the count. I brought her after school yesterday. She just stayed next to you and said she was happy to just sit and let you rest. JiHoo took her home when she fell asleep in the chair around midnight. He insisted it was better for her to rest and see you today when you get home."

YiJung nodded in agreement. "Kamsahmnidah.

A knock at the door interrupted the conversation. JiHoo had returned with another doctor, one he did not recognize. There was a sudden uncomfortable silence and he became increasingly aware the neither WooBin nor JiHoo would make eye contact with him.

"So YiJung. I'm Doctor Kim. I have the results from the preliminary testing as well as the latest biopsy. Unfortunately, your bone marrow showed signs of abnormal white cells. This and the documented fatigue, brusing, and nosebleeds you've been experiencing are all indicative of acute lymphocytic leukemia. I'm sorry."

The room went hazy as he tried to process the words. His throat grew dry and he wanted desperately for one of his friends to look at him.

"JiHoo." The slenderer of the two was looking down, but raised his gaze at the mention of his name. YiJung looked at him with a face of disbelief and confusion.

Slowly, JiHoo spoke in a faraway voice as if reciting lines from a textbook.

"Leukemia, it's a type of cancer."

* * *

I'm not sure how I feel about the final product on this one... Let me know your opinions!


	6. Not Fair

He was back in the waiting room.

After the diagnosis had been delivered, YiJung had kicked them all out to speak with his doctor privately. Now the doctor was long gone, probably off somewhere delivering news to another patient, and a nurse had informed them that YiJung was not up to seeing anyone for a bit.

The longer WooBin sat in the waiting room in silence, the more time his imagination had to run wild. He found himself imagining all of the worst-case scenarios over and over, growing more nauseous with each thought.

Standing quickly, he ignored JiHoo's puzzled look and bolted to the bathroom Once inside, he heaved into the sink, sick with fear and confusion. Nothing was left in his stomach but the knot that had coiled there. Running the tap, he cupped his hands beneath the stream and brought them to his lips to rinse his mouth.

The door swung open behind him. "YiJung, gwaenchanayo?"

He nodded shakily, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Everything was not alright, but he knew what his friend meant. JiHoo handed him a paper towel looking concerned.

"I'm fine." He was trying so desperately to make it sound believable, ironically more for his own benefit than JiHoo's. He knew his friend wasn't buying it but then again, how could he.

"The nurse came to say that he's asking for you."

WooBin immediately started to panic. "I can't-"

"I know, but we've got to be strong for him right now, araso?" JiHoo was so calm it was amazing. He was always like that really, even as a child. It made him perfectly suited for his chosen profession. Tossing the paper towel in the trash he nodded slowly, steadying himself on legs that felt like rubber.

"Ok," JiHoo reassured, leading him out with a hand on the shoulder.

Swallowing hard, he cautiously entered the room before he had any time to hesitate. YiJung was perched on the bed, back to the door. He was no longer in a gown, but redressed in his normal clothes and it almost seemed like the whole situation was a sick joke.

The potter's voice was strained and hollow. "Someone needs to tell GaEul. I won't… I won't be able to tell her and then be there for her." WooBin could hear the break in his friend's voice.

"Araso. What do you need me to do?" WooBin's was also struggling to speak, to keep his voice steady. _Not here,_ he thought. _Not in front of him._

"Just be there. I trust you, it has to be you." His sentences were growing shorter and more choked. WooBin wanted to run to him, but there was an air of distance hanging over the room.

"I'd like to be alone now."

The words were so foreign to him. Woobin took a step forward.

"Just go… please."

"Araso."

* * *

She knew something was wrong the instant she arrived at the hospital.

Neither Woobin nor JiHoo would answer GaEul's questions, and both of them kept looking at her with sympathetic eyes. Silently they pointed her into the room. YiJung was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, playing with the corner of the blanket. He was silent as well. The hair on the back of her neck stood up almost immediately.

"YiJung-ah, what's going on? Is something wrong?" She prayed that he would say no.

"GaEul. I need to tell you something." His bottom lip trembled, oh god. "Please don't say anything until I'm finished."

She nodded, her anxiety building like a wave. "Araso."

"The test- it showed a problem." The way he stammered through his words was frightening.

"Anyo," she stepped further away from him like a broken record. "Anyo…"

"I- I have leukemia." The words came like a wrecking ball, smashing her into a million pieces. She wasn't even sure she could understand what he was saying.

Mianhe… Oh GaEul, mianhe," he hung his head, hands gripping fistfuls of blankets.

Her gut reaction was disbelief, anger, rage. "You lied to me!" She heard the words she wanted to say being screamed hysterically. "You said you'd be fine!" Half aware, that her mouth was open and the cries were hers, she charged at him, swinging as hard as she could. As he raised his arms against her weak fists, she saw his face; saw him look away with a pained expression.

"Look at me, you liar! You promised me, you promised!" Her body was no longer under her control as she lashed hands grabbed her by the arms, pulling her away. She harder she fought, the tighter WooBin held on, keeping her from YiJung. "Anyo!"

"Ya GaEul. Ga Eul!" WooBin struggled to hold her still. He spun her around, pressing her against his chest so she could no longer see. "Ya, it's okay, it's going to be okay."

Her legs gave out beneath her and she slid from his grasp to the floor. He let her go and knelt between her and the bed as she sobbed, her long hair further obscuring the view. Someone else in the room was crying as well, their breaths noisy and unrestricted. _YiJung._

"GaEul," WooBin said gently, one hand on her shoulder. She didn't answer him; she didn't have the energy to. Exhausted she lay on the ground trembling and unable to move. There were footsteps and she was lifted gently. As she was carried from the room tears still rolled down her cheeks.

Closing her eyes, she could still hear him crying too.

* * *

His fingers hurt, but he was nowhere near ready to be done playing.

The pain was what how JiHoo knew he wasn't dreaming. Music was his escape and his release all at the same time. Drawing the bow across the strings, he could forget about the events of the day and lose himself in the sound of the violin's cries. Over and over he played through his repertoire, arms aching and fingers burning but heart still sinking. Forcing every fiber of his muscles to work, he tried to let the notes take him away. Frustrated he succumbed to his mind, dropping his hand and laying the instrument on the table.

This was never supposed to happen to him. His parents, his grandfather, his best friend; he'd lost them all just as he'd become comfortable in a relationship with them. And now there was JunPyo angry at him for accidentally falling in love, WooBin preoccupied with his best friend, Gaeul going to pieces in the hospital, and YiJung potentially slipping away from all of them. He fell miserably across the bed. He was exhausted mentally and physically but he could not sleep. His fingers stung and he studied the deep marks of the strings etched into them wondering how many scars he'd accumulate this time around.

The last sound he wanted to hear was a knock on his door.

Downing another glass of alcohol, YiJung lazily refused to move. His hip no longer ached, the liquor had taken care of that long ago. Now it was only his head that was full of complicated medical terms, treatment options, and empty reassurances. He heard the door open and soft steps patter across the floor. He looked up at his visitor as he filled his glass again.

"GaEul, you shouldn't have come." He looked down, vaguely aware that she wouldn't approve of his behavior.

"I wanted to see you. I wanted to apologize… for yelling at you and trying to hurt you It's not what you needed."

Luckily for him, she had yet to catch on to his drunkenness. On the flip side, the intoxication was making him surly and felt ready to pick a fight about nothing. "If everything works out by saying sorry, then why would there laws in the world and why would there be police?" He laughed, ignoring her hurt look.

"I was scared… " Her eyes locked onto the table before him. "I'm still afraid." She couldn't seem to look away from his glass.

"Bwoh, this is not okay to you?" He showed her the bottle shamelessly.

"Anyo, you're just upset. I don't like it but I- I understand." Her demeanor betrayed her as she shifted uneasily and looked around the room avoiding his eyes.

"No GaEul." He scoffed like a bully on the playground.

"YiJung." Her eyes grew wide and she seemed almost frightened of him.

"This is the man I'll always be. I'm no good for you." He meant this one, tasting the sting of his drink as it slid down his throat.

"Why are you being like this?" She was trying to make him realize what he was doing but he was already too far into his lies to stop now.

"Is this upsetting you? You should have thought about that earlier." He couldn't think straight anymore and he wanted it to just end.

"But YiJung…"He stiffened at her pleas, delivering one more blow.

"Don't come around anymore."

He watched her face crumple, the tears she was fighting back raging forward with ugly force. He used to think she was beautiful when she cried, but at the moment he needed reasons to not want to grab her and hold her close.

"YiJung sunbae…"

"Don't!" He was yelling because it was so difficult to think about her and the hell he was facing. He was drunk and a coward and screaming at the girl he loved because she cared so much. For each tear he shed, hers were tenfold as she stood frozen, two rivers tracing down her cheeks.

He watched her leave and immediately picked up the bottle again, trying to drown her from his memory where her beautiful eyes still haunted him.

* * *

He had kidded himself into thinking that Yijung would be alright alone when he insisted he'd be okay by himself.

WooBin should have known by now that he would have ultimately sought comfort in a bottle. He could deduce what had happened as soon as he received the hysterical call from GaEul. He'd given strict instruction to his men to make sure she was brought somewhere safe and JanDi was supposedly on her way over to console her. Once that was sorted out, he had made his way to the studio as quick as possible. This long day had already turned into a long night and it was only quarter past midnight.

"YiJung you open the door right now or I swear I will break it down. Studio or not, I'll find my way in there!" He pounded on the door with both fists as he yelled. Abruptly, the door cracked open and an exhausted looking YiJung leaned his head against the doorframe. WooBin could see the sickenly familiar bottle in his hand.

"God YiJung." He shook his head as he pushed his way through the door. YiJung staggered along beside him, bleary eyed. He sighed, reaching for the bottle. "Give me that. You've had enough for now." YiJung ignored him, brushing aside his hand as he unsteadily ran a hand along the table.

"I'm fine."

_Obviously not, _he thought looking at the sorry state his friend was in. Changing subjects, he remembered why he had come down check on his friend.

"What did you say to GaEul? "

"GaEul," he laughed softly.

"Ya, what's so funny?"

"She waited four years for me and you know what? I'm not the one." He half laughed, shaking his head and leaning against the counter. "She's better off now anyways," he muttered taking another sip from a glass he clasped in his hand. "I don't need her."

"YiJung, you know that's not true." WooBin tried to pull the alcohol away from the distressed potter.

"Anyo, don't touch me!" He waved him off rather violently, stumbling backwards to get away.

"You don't have to do this YiJung, there are other ways to deal with this." He pleaded with his friend, while trying to figure out how to get him to put down the drink.

"What makes you think I want to deal with it, huh? Maybe I just want it to end right here." As soon as the statement slipped out, influenced by alcohol or not, WooBin grabbed him by the collar so fast that the glass in his hand smashed on the ground.

"You do not get to talk about that," he hissed "You do not get to do that after all we've been through. You owe it to yourself, to me, to the guys… to GaEul to at least try. You are not allowed to say things like that, Araso?"

YiJung simply stared at him, lost in his drunken stupor.

"ARASO?" WooBin flug him away. Emotion compromising his judgment, he stalked across the room headed for the door. Something held him back before he exited and he paused, breathing heavily.

There was a long pause and then a meek whisper.

"WooBin."

"Yeah." He looked at his friend, exasperated.

"I'm sick." YiJung's demeanor had changed and he was now staring at the broken glass and scotch on the floor. His tone was much quieter and WooBin had to strain to hear him.

"Yeah buddy." Woobin acknowledged, watching him carefully.

"I've got cancer."

WooBin sat beside him, just beside him. "Yeah buddy, you do."

YiJung looked up at him, eyes wet with tears. "It's not fair…"

WoBin's chest hurt as he looked his friend in the eyes.

"Anyo, it's not. But it's going to be okay. Everyone's with you and I'll be right here, I promise."


	7. Let's Go Together

I'm back! My apologies dear readers…. college, computer crashing, group projects failing. Yeah it's been a tough two weeks. But we are moving onto a considerably less angsty chapter with more SoEul moments! Enjoy

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter Seven: Let's Go Together**

He was exhausted and the sun had only been up for a few hours.

WooBin didn't know how long he had sat with YiJung, he just knew that eventually his friend had calmed down enough to drift into sleep and even though he seemed alright, WooBin was too nervous to also catch any rest. Instead, he wandered about the hall in between frequent checks on a snoring YiJung. It made him laugh when he thought about all the times that YiJung had kept him awake during sleepovers as a child with his heavy breathing.

Somewhere around the eight o'clock check YiJung stirred, rolling over with a groan. "Don't let me do that again."

"You shouldn't drink so much." WooBin warned him gently, but firmly as YiJung sat up pressing a hand to his forehead.

"Here." WooBin pressed a glass of water into his hand, taking a seat beside him on the bed. "You're dehydrated."

"Thanks." He took a few sips of the water, staring about absentmindedly.

"YiJung," he began uncertainly, "This has to stop."

"I know, I just… I couldn't… I didn't know…" WooBin could see his friend searching for some explanation realizing that the potter probably didn't even know why himself.

"I understand," he reassured. "I don't need an explanation. Just know that you've got all of us behind you for support, araso?" YiJung nodded gratefully and WooBin patted him on the back. Now that that was taken care of, it was time to move on to part two of the days plan. "Get ready so we can get out of here."

"What?" YiJung looked thoroughly puzzled.

"We're shooting with the guys today, remember?" He tried to make the conversation as normal as possible. "YiJung, we made these plans last week."

"Plans… change." YiJung looked down.

"There's no reason to cancel. It's a beautiful day outside and it's been a while since we've had fun together." He purposely put on a positive attitude

"But-but," YiJung sputtered.

"Anyo, the fresh air will be good for you." He gave his friend a sharp clap on the back before leaving the room before there was another chance for him to refuse.

* * *

He was accustomed to waiting in the large foyer, but this time he was waiting for a different person. JiHoo was surprised that it didn't feel stranger to meet her here but maybe he was finally starting to accept the reality of the engagement.

"JiHoo sunbae?" A familiar voice came from behind him.

"Guem JanDi." He smiled at her but she didn't return the gesture. He had hoped that the events of the hospital would have been forgotten but it didn't seem like that was the case.

" JunPyo already left the house to go shooting with everyone else." He really wished she'd stop looking at him like she wanted him to leave.

"I was never really into that. I thought you and I could have some tea."

"Anyo, I don't think that's a good-" It hurt the way she instantaneously rejected the idea. Maybe coming here wasn't such a good idea for him. Quickly, he cut her short so he could tell her why he really came before losing his nerve.

"Mianhe JanDi. It was unfair of me to say what I did at the hospital." The words rolled out of his mouth and he held his breath, waiting for her reply. She looked down, averting his gaze stubbornly but only for a moment. With her reply came a piercing stare.

"He's been really upset you know- about you… YiJung. And on top of that he has the company to take care of. He's kept completely out of the loop, rushes to be at the hospital, and then his best friend starts accusing him."

He paused, composing himself after her outburst. Honestly, he hadn't come here to talk about JunPyo and despite having begun to apologize, seeing her defend him made him want to take it all back. Five years of standing by her and here she was yelling at him.

"JanDi, I came to find out how_ you _are." He was through with discussing JunPyo. That topic had never really been his intent in the first place.

"Yoon JiHoo. I think you should go." The statement nearly took his breath away. He didn't remember the last time she'd been so formal around him.

"JanDi, mian. I know he's your fiancé." He couldn't believe he was back to apologizing again, but he couldn't bear to see her get hurt again.

"But?"

He sighed, this was not going where he wanted it to. Exasperated, he swept his bangs from his eyes trying one more time.

"You're a special friend. You deserve to be taken care of. I hope you'll still consider me someone to talk to if he doesn't." There was a long awkward moment with the two of them standing face to face, neither looking at the other directly.

Nodding he took the cue, "I'm leaving now."

* * *

After much coercion and safely armed with sunglasses and a bottle of water, WooBin had finally managed to drag him out of the house.

_Typical. _YiJung thought as they trudged up the hill. Ever since they had been friends, WooBin had refused to let him be solitary. Today was certainly not the exception, although he couldn't say he wasn't glad to be out and about. The sun was warm and despite the lingering effects of the alcohol he felt pretty good.

"YiJung." JunPyo approached, hands in his pockets. He nudged the potter gently, taking stride beside him. The pair were silent as they walked the rest of the way until they had just about reached the top.

"Mianhe. I should have been there the other day."

He knew it was only a matter of time before the hospital was brought up. "Anyo. It's not that big of a deal." He was hoping the conversation would end sooner than later. Luckily, the exchange was interrupted by a friendly shout from WooBin.

"Yo" He had managed to already reach the platform, gearing up and loading his rifle. "Coming?" YiJung nodded at him smiling at his friend's enthusiasm and signaling that they were coming.

"Ya," JunPyo said seriously regarding him. "If there's anything you need- anything, araso?"

YiJung nodded. "Thanks."

"C'mon guys!" WooBin shouted impatiently once more, lining up the gun and looking towards the target.

"Ya WooBin! Would it kill you to wait a second?" JunPyo retorted, sounding more like his usual self.

YiJung laughed at the reaction. "Ga Ja?"

At the top of the hill, YiJung stopped to lean against the rail and take in the surroundings. A headache still hung vaguely behind his eyes but the warmth of the sun felt nice. The company of his friends felt even better though and he gladly joined in as they began firing rounds.

"Where's JiHoo?" YiJung mused after several rounds.

"Must be at the hospital." WooBin hastily commented as they paused to reload. "We used to do things like this every weekend, remember?"

"Yeah. Although," YiJung murmured mischeviously, "we didn't have much say. This guy made all the decisions." He pointed in JunPyo's direction.

"Aish, really now. I never forced any of you, besides I picked good activities," came the indignant reply.

"I don't know if I remember good outings." YiJung joked, winking at WooBin. It felt good to be outside, hanging out with the F4 like old times.

"Aish." JunPyo ignored them as usual, lining up his sight for his next aim.

"JunPyo!"

JunPyo squeezed off the shot before bolting upright, looking around. His face lit up at the sight of his fiancée striding up the hill. "JanDi-ah, what brings you up here. I thought you were going to plan wedding stuff.

"Anyo, not until GaEul gets out of school." She gave him an I-can't-believe-you-didn't-remember-that look before continuing. "But I thought you guys might be hungry. Lunch is ready back at the house."

"Sounds good to me, guys?"

WooBin nodded, laying aside his firearm and brushing off his hands. Both men turned towards the potter for his reply.

YiJung froze for a moment, watching as JunPyo held JanDi tightly, laughing in sync with her. JunPyo ruffled her hair affectionately, smoothing it out after she fiercely objected to the static it created. The gestured stirred an awful memory.

"_Don't come around anymore. Don't!" _He remembered. He could see her reaction now, the tears rolling down her perfect cheeks and splashing onto the wood floor. _Had he really been that malicious to her, to his sweet Gaeul?_

JanDi looked over at him. "YiJung-ah, are you alright?

"You guys go, I have to be somewhere. Really," he looked up at them hastily,"go."

"Are you sure you're-"

"Yeah I just- I have to go somewhere." Checking his watch, he saw that he had just enough time. _Keys, where are the keys? _He was anxiously patting his pockets trying to get his thoughts back in order. _I don't have… WooBin- WooBin drove us. _He looked at his friend frantically. "Do you have-"

WooBin shook his head in agreement. "Ya!" He tossed him the keys with a supportive look. "Do what you need to."

"Thanks." He barely spit the words out before his feet carried him down the hill.

"What was that?" JunPyo looked thoroughly confused.

WooBin smiled. "I think he just remembered last night."

The school buses were lined up in a row when he pulled in the driveway. Relieved, YiJung found a parking spot nearby as he waited for the front doors to open. No sooner had he hastily checked his hair in the mirror, wishing he looked a bit more presentable, when the audible sound of the bell cut through the air.

Almost instantaneously kids were running down the stairs, some struggling with backpacks nearly as big as them. It made him smile to see. He'd never admitted to anyone, but having children of his own was one of the things he hoped for someday. Exiting the vehicle, he took up residence on the curb at the bottom of the stairs. Scanning the scene, for a few minutes, all he could see were little bodies teeming across the steps and scurrying to mothers with open arms. He didn't think he could remember that feeling, the warmth and safety of a mother's embrace; it was a foreign concept. Frowning, he tried to retrieve any memory of physical affection from his mother to no avail.

And then he saw her, his mind abruptly giving up and focusing on only her. She was quietly exiting the building and the sun was reflecting off her dark hair as she took each step. Even after spending all day with kindergarteners she was still composed and graceful.

He forgot he was staring from plain sight until she looked right at him. Her mouth formed a tiny "O" of surprise.

"GaEul…" he began, unsure of how she was going to react. His mouth was suddenly dry and even so he couldn't stop swallowing nervously. She hadn't moved, her eyes searching his as if questioning his motives.

"Last night-" He took a step closer. "I didn't mean it. I-I-I…" God this was embarrassing, he couldn't even speak straight let alone make up for his ugly words the night before.

"Sunbae, what are you-"

Forgetting about the speech he had hastily composed on the way over, he let his emotions take over. Reaching out he grabbed her wrist, drawing her into him. Pinning her to his chest, he felt her hear thudding away with a velocity that matched his. With arms wrapped tightly around her, he buried his face in her hair. Her small frame felt so warm against his and he was full of regret for ever letting her go.

"Miahne GaEul," he breathed into her hair. " I was scared too. Mianhe."

The sound of the children's laughter drowned out his words and he was unsure she had heard him for she remained frozen and mute in his embrace. Then slowly, he felt her gentle hands grab hold of his coat, those small hands grabbing tightly to handfuls of material as all of the air left her lungs and warm tears seeped slowly into his collar.

He felt his eyes will with water as well, closing them as tightly as his hands kept their grip on her. "Mianhe… GaEul, mianhe."

_I'll never let go of you again._

* * *

The wedding magazines were spread across her bed as she gazed at photo after photo. JanDi sighed looking at everything before her. There were so many decisions to make and here she was stuck by herself to make them.

Pushing it all aside, she wondered what GaEul and YiJung were up to. After his dramatic exit earlier in the day, they had apparently reconciled and were out on a date. As much as she wanted to be furious with him for breaking her friend's hear the way he had, she couldn't imagine bearing the kind if news he had been dealt. At this point, she was just happy he had fixed the whole thing. She wished that JiHoo and JunPyo would to the same but so far it seemed unlikely.

_JunPyo._ Her fiance was locked away in his office apparently working so hard he didn't even have time to tell her what exactly he was working on. She understood that he was extremely busy being the head of the company, but she couldn't shake the feeling that work was his way of avoiding talking about anything of consequence. _We don't talk about the important things anymore. Everything is just surface talk. He doesn't even seem interested in the wedding plans since YiJung was diagnosed._Hesitating, she looked at her phone. There were two people she could call and each conversation would be equally risky. Biting her lip she bounced between her options perplexedly.

On a gut feeling she chose, holding her breath as dialed the number.

* * *

The night air was crisp and refreshing as they walked slowly down the sidewalk.

YiJung's hand was warm in hers and GaEul was content to just be by his side. The gentle sway of their bodies felt natural and in sync. The events of the night were no longer looming over their heads and they were able to enjoy each other's company.

"What happens now?"

She felt his grasp grow slightly tighter.

"Mian… we don't have to talk about this." She was afraid to push the issue even though she had a million and one questions burning through her skull.

"Anyo, you should know." His answer was surprising, but she was eager to hear what he had to say. They were still walking with his eyes trained ahead but she was content with the mere fact that he was willing to talk about it. "Friday they start the treatment. I go in at nine to get a central line," he continued. "It's a tube that will go into a vein in my chest."

"And it stays in?" A lump was forming in the back of her throat with each new piece of information.

"Yeah. I'll have to be real careful to keep it clean and taken care of, but it will save me time and a bunch of needle sticks."

"Araso… so the medicine- it goes in there?" She was trying to understand without making him give every little detail but it was difficult with so much new information.

"Yes. Friday I'll need to stay overnight because it's the first day. But each time I go after that it will be an out-patient procedure and I'll be able to go home." He paused to look at her as if he knew her confidence was wavering. She smiled at him reassuringly even though inside she wanted to start crying again.

Steering them to the right, he directed their steps to a bench overlooking the street. Sitting down on the bench, he put his arm around her. It wasn't that cold outside, but she was grateful for the warmth it created.

"It helps," he mused out loud.

"What does?" She was confused by the sudden statement.

"Having someone to explain everything to… Lately I'm the one that is getting talked to. I never get a chance to explain my own situation to anyone." He looked out at the city lights. "I never have chances to talk it through with someone."

"YiJung-ah, I'm glad I can help. I was afraid to be too nosy." She spoke quietly, leaning against his shoulder.

"GaEul," he said quite seriously moving away. "Can you handle honesty?"

"What?"

"I promise to tell you if you are asking too much but you have to promise to understand that if I don't want to talk it's not because I don't care for your feelings- I just won't be able to…" He looked down at his feet, eyes glinting in the dark.

She smiled slightly, also looking down shyly. "It won't be easy and I might not be perfect, but for YiJung sunbae- I will do my best to understand."

He nodded. "I have hard time talking to the guys." He smiled and even in the dark his face was the cutest she'd ever seen. "But that doesn't matter anymore."

"It doesn't?"

"Anyo," he declared firmly. "You know why? It's because I have Chu-Ga-Eul." He tapped her nose playfully with each syllable. She was sure if it was daylight her face have been visibly redder.

"Ya! She giggled under his touch, wrinkling her nose. He laughed tickling her. "Ya!" she shrieked, squirming away from him and nearly falling off the bench. With a strong tug she felt herself being pulled back up by the collar of her jacket. The momentum tipped her backwards and somehow her head landed in YiJung's lap. Looking down at her with his handsome eyes he flashed her a smile.

"I got you," he reassured with an affectionate laugh. She giggled back and rolled toward his stomach as they both chortled pleasantly. Embracing her, he cradled her torso as she lay across the bench and they gazed into the sky.

He sighed, "GaEul…"

"Hmmm?"

"Friday… let's go together?"

"You want me to be there?" She looked surprised.

"Yes."

"Really?" It was so cute when she was confused.

"Yes, really. Did you forget the promise already?" He asked, pulling her closer to him.

Shaking her head, she stared up at the stars.

"Anyo, let's go together."

* * *

Any thoughts you have after that, please share them and review!


	8. Day One Down

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 8: Day One Down**

He found himself getting slightly dizzy as he watched his friend run around the room in a frenzy of motion, grabbing this and that and throwing it all into a bag in one jumbled mess.

"Do you need me to get anything for you?" WooBin offered tentatively while stepping back as YiJung practically bowled him over in the process of packing.

"Anyo, I got it. I just need-" The rest of the response was lost to the nervousness.

Slightly bemused, but feeling guilty for that, WooBin watched him continue to take laps haphazardly for a few more seconds before deciding that it was time to intervene."Yo, YiJung!" He threw out his arm as the man passed, stopping him in his tracks. Grasping YiJung's sleeve firmly, he looked his friend in the eyes. "Slow down, everything's going to be fine. Araso?"

The potter looked down, closing his eyes before taking a slow breath. Nodding, he relaxed a bit, and WooBin let go, turning his attention the task at hand.

"Good. Now, let's take a look at what you have here." He dumped the contents of the duffel across the bed, weeding through them and beginning to fold pieces of clothing. "You just need things for one night, right?"

"Yeah." YiJung seemed a bit calmer as he ran his fingers through his hair and joined in with the sorting. "Just a night."

"Araso." He nodded as they worked side by side.

_Araso, YiJung. It'll be alright._

* * *

He could already tell that this meeting was going take longer than he wanted it to and with each passing moment he found himself becoming more and more antsy.

Trying not to give away his anxiousness, JunPyo restricted the amount of times he glanced at his watch and instead tried to turn his attention to the presentation. It was nearing ten o'clock and YiJung had been slated to arrive at the hospital soon. If not for the importance of this conference, he would have cancelled it without hesitation. JiHoo's words, although he did not agree with, still burned in his mind.

As he battled a complete lack of focus, Secretary Jung smoothly slid him a dossier. With his eyes still on the speaker, he opened it, glancing down just long enough to read the message. _9:45- YJ checked in, undergoing pre-treatment testing._

Drawing his pen he quickly scrawled a reply. _Make sure the car is ready. _That was all he needed to say, he trusted the secretary to have things prepared. In his twenty-five years, Mr. Jung had never once failed him. The man was the closest thing to a father he'd ever experienced growing up.

Lightly drumming his fingers on the table, he tried to ease back into the presentation as the clock on the wall ticked with obnoxious ferocity.

He was once again the patient and therefore, unable to escape being bombarded with medical terms, instructions, and procedures. YiJung sighed, listening to the nurse informing them that he was now to head upstairs for more preliminary tests. At this rate, he wondered if and when they were ever going to get to the actual treatment. Thanking her politely he rose from the chair, collecting his jacket from the back of it. Beside him WooBin followed suit, letting him exit first.

The first thing he saw as he rounded the corner was the slender form of his friend, leaning against the counter with a chart spread before him.

"Oh, JiHoo's here," WooBin commented coming up behind YiJung. "That must mean that-"

He had already spotted her lingering nearby, nervously twisting her long locks around her finger. "GaEul."

"YiJung!" Her face lit up as she ran to him and he eagerly opened her arms for an embrace that never came. Instead, she grew silent, stopping just short of throwing her arms around him. He wondered what was holding her back until she reached for his shirt collar, gently pulling it aside. He followed her gaze to his chest where the top few buttons were undone and her hand revealed his newly inserted central line.

"Does it hurt?" She asked quietly.

"Anyo." He tenderly kissed her on the top of the head before buttoning his shirt to hide the line. "Please don't worry GaEul, everything is alright. Araso?" Her reaction made him uneasy and he was not ready to cause any additional distress for either of them so early in the day.

Holding out his arm, he offered it to her with a smile. "Ga Ja."

"Where?" She looked puzzled.

"Uh…" With all the anxiety from the morning, he was having a hard time keeping track of all the stops they had to make. "Upstairs next?" He looked at WooBin who held up a folder already brimming full of informational papers and leaflets and nodded.

"Yeah, upstairs."

"Shall we head that way?" YiJung slipped his arm around hers before she could get another word in. He knew it would be best for him to act as if nothing was out of the ordinary- except this was not a normal day and here he was putting up a front already.

* * *

He'd only been on shift for a few hours and it was already chaos.

JiHoo frowned, staring at the stack of charts before him. He had really been hoping for a light day so that he could go down to the oncology ward and spend some time with YiJung. It was lucky enough that he had managed to stop by and wish him well at the beginning of the day, but he had been hoping to be there during the actual treatment.

There was a shrill alarm from down the call. Someone was coding and the sound of running feet down the hall signaled him to the arrival of several of his coworkers who rushed by, white coats trailing behind him. His attending waved at him to follow. He wasn't allowed to think about YiJung any more, right now he had other things to take care of.

_Mianhe YiJung, I'll try again once things calm down._

* * *

After what seemed an eternity, he was finally about to speak to an actual doctor who would hopefully be giving the go ahead for the treatment.

"Aneonghaseo," the doctor greeted YiJung warmly.

"Aneonghaseao."

"How are you feeling today? No cold or flu-like symptoms?"

"Anyo."

"Ok so no cough, chills, aches- good." The doctor surveyed the chart quickly, "Everything looks good. Your blood counts are high enough and your vital signs look good so we can go ahead and start the chemotherapy today. I'm going to give you this to look over and sign.

The oncologist handed him the clipboard and a pen. YiJung stared at the first page, the words blurring together after the title. It was a strange feeling to see and hear the word chemotherapy being used with regards to his health. He tried not to, but all he could think about was the hell he would experience for the next few months if he signed that paper.

In his panic, he felt GaEul gave his hand a small, reassuring squeeze. "It's alright," she whispered to him.

Her voice gave him the courage to shake free of the nervousness long enough to sign his name at the bottom. The doctor nodded, saying something about sending a nurse in to get started but the blood rushing in his ears was so loud he didn't catch it.

"Gwenchana?"

He exhaled leaning back uncomfortably, feeling WooBin's hand on his shoulder and GaEul's on his forearm. Shakily, he smiled at them both tentatively. "Gwenchana."

WooBin smiled back. "Can I get you anything while we wait?" He was always so eager to help out. Loyalty was definitely one of WooBin's strongest points.

"Anyo. I'm alright."

"YiJung-ah," GaEul piped up, reaching into her bag. "Do you want you ipod? I brought it in case you wanted it. Maybe it would help you to relax?"

Her thoughtfulness made him feel more at ease almost instantaneously. "I'll probably listen later. I have you guys to keep me company right now." He reached over, batting at her hair playfully. "Thanks." He watched her wrinkle her nose in response, pulling away with a grin. It was good to hear her laugh, made everything seem a bit more normal. He knew his friends were just trying to be supportive, but he couldn't figure out how to ask them to just act like it was a typical day when obviously it wasn't.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse appeared a tray with various medical supplies. GaEul's smiling face disappeared almost immediately, her amusement fading at the sight of the IV tubing and syringes. YiJung felt his protective self sprang into action, eager to forget his problems and do something protective instead. He reached out and tapped her lightly on the arm.

"GaEul, go with WooBin for a minute," he instructed firmly.

She shook her head quickly, still looking at the nurse with apprehension. The color had drained from her cheeks and the shimmer from her eyes was absent. It frightened him more than he expected, to see her so scared, but he would never let her know he was wavering inside. "I'll be fine, I promise." He hoped his voice was steady enough to convince her as he tucked her smooth hair behind her ear.

"I'm just going to set this up and then you can come right back." The nurse kindly added, accustomed to this sort of situation, no doubt.

"Ya." YiJung took GaEul's delicate hand in his, caressing her slender fingers. "Everything's going to be fine, araso?"

She looked at him with glossy brown eyes and nodded but her demeanor was still very hesitant. Cautiously, WooBin stepped forward to put an arm around her shoulders. He nodded reassuringly to YiJung as he gently led her away.

Sighing, YiJung looked ahead at the blank wall. He was thankful for WooBin's presence but frustrated that he couldn't do much himself.

"Your friends seem very supportive." The nurse commented as she spread out her tools.

"They are."

"It helps to have people there for you. Friends, family, they all make the process a lot easier. It may be frustrating at first to be the center of all the attention, but they're going to be a big help once they settle in.

He nodded, swallowing nervously as she put on her gloves.

"Araso, let's talk about you. Are you ready to go?"

"I think so."

She smiled warmly at his insecure reply. "It's totally normal to be nervous. Everyone is on the first go-around. How's that central line feeling? I just need you to undo the top few buttons for me."

"Kind of strange," he murmured while obeying her request.

"It takes a bit to get used to." She gently extracted the line from beneath his collar. "They key is to take care of this really well or you can get a pretty serious infection. So if it becomes painful or you feel sick or anything out of the ordinary- please give us a call."

He nodded, watching her twist a syringe onto the end of the tubing.

"This is just a flush to clear the line; it might feel strange going in." He was grateful to see that she worked adeptly and efficiently, preparing a second as soon as the first was in. "Alright, now I'm going to push the anti-nausea medication. We always give this even if you feel fine because it takes a bit to kick in and it's much better to be safe than sorry."

Again he nodded, trying to keep all of the information he was receiving organized in his brain somehow.

"I know this is a lot to take in but you'll get the hang of it. It's a learning process and we'll help teach you and your friends so don't worry. Do you have any questions?"

He was glad seemed to understand what was going on in his mind. "Anyo," he mustered to reply.

"Alright." She hung a black bag on the IV pole, stepping back casually. "You're started."

"That's it?" He inquired in disbelief. As they talked, he hadn't even registered that she had attached all the necessary tubing. Slowly, drip by drip the chemotherapy was already sliding down the IV and into the vein in his chest.

"That's it. Now we just wait for the drip to finish. It takes about four or five hours unfortunately. I'll be stopping in to check on you and if you need anything at all, just hit your call button."

He was pleasantly surprised at how easily the treatment was administered and found himself to be extremely thankful for such an understanding nurse.

"Kahmsamnidah."

She smiled brightly back at him, the first person since the diagnosis to act so normally around him. "I'll send your friends back in now."

* * *

Trying not to watch each and every dripof the IV snake its way through the plastic IV tubing and into his chest, she kept her attention on the game they were playing.

GaEul studied YiJung's face as he furrowed his brow in concentration.

"Are you thirsty?" She asked.

"Maybe a little, it's okay though." He looked up and ruffled her hair affectionately.

"Yo YiJung-ah. They said you should keep hydrated as much as possible." WooBin interjected from several feet away where he had parked his chair to give the two their space. He put down his book, looking over at the potter. "Want me to get you something?"

"Anyo. Gwenchana."

"I was going to go find a bathroom anyway." WooBin stated, beginning to rise.

"Ah, it's okay, I have some stuff here." She piped up,bending down to rifle through the large bag she'd been toting around. When she sat up, she produced several bottles of juice. Tossing one if the bottles at WooBin who caught it easily with one hand and setting another aside for herself, she uncapped a third juice and handed it to YiJung. He accepted it gratefully, taking a few swallows. WooBin also drank from his bottle, stretching lazily as he set it down on the windowsill.

"Kumawah."

"Anyo, it's nothing."

"But… how did you know I liked this kind?"

"I just remembered. I also brought some snacks that you like." As soon she spoke she felt the blood rush to her face and felt suddenly very shy. Years of being apart made it feel as if they were just starting to date again and she was still nervous around him.

"Chu GaEul, are you blushing?" He smiled at her, a genuine smile this time. It had been a few days since she's seen that expression on his handsome face.

"Anyo!" She squirmed, ducking back down to pretend to dig in her bag again. Resurfacing she hid behind a book much to his amusement.

"Ya," YiJung laughed, mouth wide with a grin. "Don't I get to see your pretty face?"

"You're flattery won't win me over" She teased back, refusing to put it down. She could hear him laughing from behind the pages, a sound that took her way from this dull hospital room.

"Ya!" He tapped the front of the book, pushing it into her nose. Letting out a tiny squeak she dropped it on the floor before giving him an exasperated look. Behind her she heard WooBin stifle a chuckle.

YiJung froze, unsure of how to react. "GauEul… Mian-" he began, his eyes questioning her. She knew he had a feeling she wasn't serious but he was stuck wondering if she was okay. The look on his face was so cute however, that she couldn't help but to giggle.

"Ya!" he whined playfully, "That's not fair. Get over here you." Still laughing, she retrieved the book and settled beside him once more.

"I'm still winning you know." He grinned mischievously, taking another sip of juice.

She swatted at him with the book in reply. The sudden movement made him miss his mouth and left a trail of juice dribbling down his chin. It only took one look at each other before they dissolved into a fit of laughter again. When they caught their breaths once more, she leaned against his shoulder contentedly. The space felt warm and familiar.

_Maybe everything will be okay after all._

* * *

Looking at his watch, his heart sank. He had no idea how it had become so late so quickly and he could feel the anger for the

The door was closed so he gently knocked before entering. Opening his mouth to speak, he stopped short at the sight of YiJung dozing on the bed, headphones threaded into his ears. Beside him, GaEul also slept, curled like a cat on the small hospital chair.

"Oh JunPyo, you came."

He jumped a little, startled at the sudden voice. He hadn't noticed WooBin sitting quietly in the corner although it didn't surprise him. Wherever YiJung was, WooBin was always sure to be close behind.

"How is he?" he asked tentatively. YiJung looked just like he usually did when he fell asleep on long trips, but the hospital bed made it hard to tell if that was wishful thinking or not. The prince's smile however sent a wave of relief through his body.

"He did really well, mostly he's been bored. I think he fell asleep about an hour ago, slept right through the end of the treatment." He paused to look over at the slumbering couple. "I don't think either of them got very much rest last night."

JunPyo nodded, he hadn't either. Thinking about the diagnosis was no easier today then the day he found out. To make things worse, he was still feeling terrible for only showing up at the end of the day. "I know I'm late but-."

"Yah," Woobin have him a short smack on the arm. "You're the head of Shinwah. The important thing is you came. JiHoo's still tied up somewhere in the hospital but he called down earlier. And JanDi came by after lunch. It was only for a few hours but it was good she came. Normalcy is good for him so when you can come, you do."

Despite the encouragement, he stared down at his shoes, mentally kicking himself for not calling or sending a message earlier. There was no possible way he could have postponed the meeting but he still felt guilty for not working something out.

"You going to stay?" WooBin asked casually. "If you hang out here, I can go get us something to eat. I don't think anyone's eaten since lunch."

"Yeah, sure." He shrugged off his coat, laying over the back of the chair neatly. "Go ahead, you must be ready for a break anyways."

"Araso." WooBin gave him a clap on the shoulder as he left with a smile. Sighing, JunPyo watched his two friends as they breathed in sync with one another. The two of them side by side made him think of how little he'd spoken to his own fiancée. Pulling out his phone he typed out a text.

_Jagiya, mianhe. I went to the hospital to see YiJung, I'll be home in a few hours. It's been a long day and I can't wait to see how the wedding plans are coming! Saranghae._

As he hit send YiJung stirred, stretching his legs out and pulling the headphones from his ears. He opened his eyes, sitting up and looking around with a sleepy squint. "Ah JunPyo. When did you get here?" He dropped his voice, catching sight of GaEul.

"Not too long ago. I told WooBin to go out for a bit so he left to pick up some food. Are you hungry?"

"Maybe a little."

"YiJung-ah."

The potter looked at him, still in the process of waking up. "Bwoh?"

"Mianhe- that I wasn't here this morning."

"Hajima. It was work, you're an important guy."

"I know- I just-"

"JunPyo, gwenchana. I didn't want today to be a huge deal anyways, araso?" They looked at each other seriously for a few moments before they cracked a smile.

"Araso. " JunPyo nodded, looking about the room curiously. "You brought games?"

"GaEul did. Boy did they come in handy today, its way more boring than you'd even imagine." He slowly reached over her sleeping form to extract a game. "You want to play?"

"You're on."

* * *

He practically impaled the elevator button he pushed to so hard. He was hungry, dirty, tired and frustrated and his shift had just ended, leaving him with one thing on his mind.

JiHoo sighed, digging his hands deep into his pockets. It wasn't as if he'd chosen to stay away all day, it was unavoidable, but still it bothered him. Thankfully one of the nurses, the one who always whispered about how attractive he was, had been slipping him updates all day and when he had given YiJung a call earlier the potter had seemed in good spirits.

The doors opened and he stepped onto the floor, shuddering a little at the dark words clearly labeling the wing as the oncology unit. YiJung's room was simple enough to find, there were few places VIP patients were placed. He was sloppily preparing an apology speech when the door swung open before he could reach the handle to open it himself. All words escaped his mouth as JiHoo found himself unexpectedly face to face with not WooBin, not Gaeul, not YiJung, but… JunPyo.


	9. I Can't Forget

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 9: Uncertainty**

* * *

Shortly after JiHoo arrived, WooBin returned with arms full of food. YiJung was pleased to have all of his friends together for dinner, even if it was only take-out shared in a hospital room. The smell of food and sound of gentle conversation from his friends was a welcome end to a long day.

"GaEul," YiJung rubbed the slumbering girl's shoulder gently.

"YiJung-ah?" She sleepily murmured as he swept her long bangs from her face.

"Ne," he whispered.

As if electrocuted by the sound of his voice, she jolted awake. "Gwenchana?"

"Ne, gwenchana." He replied in a calm voice as he smoothed out the ruffled pieces that were sticking out from the top of her hair. "Everything's okay." She relaxed a bit, letting her cheek rest against his hand. Her skin was smooth under his fingertips and he melted inside as she leaned into his touch. "JunPyo and JiHoo are here now and they brought food. You must be hungry, we didn't have lunch."

"Ah, so embarrassing!" Her eyes widened at the guests and she pulled away, turning from the group and covering her face.

"Anyo, you look beautiful," he assured her, pulling her hands away and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. That seemed to help as she smiled and greeted the rest of the F4 with her normal confidence.

The aroma of the food made his stomach grumble, he hadn't realized how hungry he really was. Now that the first treatment was over, the butterflies that had occupied his belly all morning were gone. Surprisingly, he was feeling pretty good despite being a little tired.

"So when do you get out of here?" JunPyo asked as he helped WooBin lay out the food.

"Tomorrow morning."

"That's good, right."

"Yeah, then Tuesday again. But I won't have to stay overnight next time because I'll be an outpatient from now on." He reached across to grab a two pairs of chopsticks as he spoke. Breaking the first apart, he rubbed them together to remove any splinters before passing them to GaEul who blushed again and turned away from the group. It was cute, her newfound awkwardness in front of the F4. After all, it was the first time they were officially declared themselves a couple.

"We can work out a schedule, so you don't have to be alone during the treatments."

He found he was aware of the fact that his friends weren't referencing the chemotherapy as_ his_ treatment yet. It was frustrating to know how much worry and distress he was causing them. "Anyo, I don't want to interfere with you guys' busy schedules. I'll be alright," he murmured quickly filling his mouth with rice.

"Ya, even if it's to keep you from being bored." JunPyo mumbled, also with cheeks full of food.

"Ne, we want to." JiHoo and WooBin agreed sincerely.

GaEul was smiling and he felt a smile slip across his lips too. "Araso." He looked around at the spread, chewing. "This looks good WooBin, thank you."

"Ne, it's nice to sit down with everyone."

The conversation was casual, but not quite as relaxed as usual. He wasn't sure, but he thought he saw JunPyo and JiHoo avoiding eye contact. Ever since JiHoo had arrived, both men had been stiffer than usual. Whatever it was, a feud or just uncomfortable feelings with the current situation, he figured it would work itself out eventually. Opening his own chopsticks, he tried to lighten the mood.

"What are we doing tomorrow?"

"Bwoh?" The guys all looked at him, mouths practically hanging open.

"What are _we_ going to do? YiJung actually wants to do something on a weekend?"

"Ya, I'm not like JiHoo." YiJung insisted.

"Ya, YiJung." JiHoo shot back with fake anger.

"Anyo, you just like your alone time," he laughed in reply. "I've been away from you all for years. It's time to make up for that." This statement was met with nods and smiles of enthusiasm.

"Araso. YiJung and I make our own schedules so that's good. What about you guys?" WooBin asked as he helped himself to more dinner.

"I have evening shift tomorrow so I can do something during the day." JiHoo added with a smile.

"Consider all my day meetings cancelled." JunPyo quickly spit out, glancing at JiHoo uneasily. YiJung frowned at the look, unsure of exactly what was going on. He hated being left out of the loop and he knew they were only doing that because he was sick.

WooBin jumped on the empty silence, pushing the conversation along. "Well YiJung, you'll be discharged at ten and you'll want to go home and get cleaned up and unpacked, right?"

He nodded, slipping his hand under the table and interlacing his fingers with GaEul's so she didn't feel left out of the conversation. She smiled at him with her beautiful eyes. He could never get enough of those eyes. _How did I get so lucky?_

"So, lunch together?" JunPyo proposed, interrupting their moment.

"Ne, sounds good." Everyone else agreed looking the happiest they'd been all day. "YiJung?"

"Sounds like a plan."

A sharp rap on the door startled JunPyo who practically dumped his plate across his lap when he jumped. They all snickered loudly, almost drowning out the petite nurse who had entered the room.

"Excuse me, I hate to have to do this but visiting hours are coming to a close."

"Ya, but he's VIP." JunPyo began to protest before JiHoo gave him a look that clearly told him to shut up.

The nurse looked down at her shoes, red in the face. "Mianhe, but-"

"Anyo," WooBin stepped in rising. "We've all had a long day. Let's give YiJung a break. Besides, you guys have a lot on your plates as well." He knew the last part was thrown in so that he didn't feel embarrassed, that was classic WooBin for you. He gave the nurse a friendly wave of thanks and saw her blushing before she quickly exited. Even after living in Sweden for so long, he was still well known in his home country

"Yo, couldn't you be any nicer?" WooBin chided JunPyo

"She was going to kick us out. Nobody kicks anybody out unless I say its okay." He indignantly replied, still eating despite as the other two men cleaned up.

JiHoo stood up quietly, throwing the last of the to-go trays in the trash. "I'll be leaving first."

"Araso."

JunPyo also rose and to YiJung it looked like he was anxious to leave ahead of JiHoo. "Anyo I'll be leaving first. Mr. Jung is waiting."

He nodded, waving goodbye to them both and thanking them for stopping by. Both men exited quickly although neither said a word and although nobody mentioned it, there was a sturdy wall between them. He had no time to dwell upon it however as WooBin and GaEul were also packing their things.

"We'll see you tomorrow afternoon, ne?"

"Ne. They said the paperwork should be done by nine."

"Araso." WooBin's face was hesitant. "It wouldn't be a problem for me to-"

"Anyo, go home. You've been here all day."

"Ne." Woobin carefully cleaned up the rest of the mess, tossing in the trash by the door. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Oh, WooBin-ah-" he blurted as WooBin turned the doorknob.

"Ne."

"Komawo."

He nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching with just the smallest hint of a smile before leaving the couple alone. GaEul approached the bed slowly. YiJung knew she didn't want to leave and part of him wanted her to stay as well, be he knew it was better for both of them this way. He would spend all night just watching her and feeling her presence beside him and she would stay up all night worrying.

"Are you sure you won't be lonely?" She asked, her fingers firmly locked between his.

He gave her a gentle smile. "I'll always miss you, every time you're not here." Gosh he was turning into a sap. He used to be the cool Casanova, but for her it was worth it to change.

"I could stay."

"Anyo, I'll be alright." He felt bad for making her worry so much. "I'll probably read a little and then sleep."

"Chincha?"

He nodded, kissing her hand. "Ne. How about this, I'll wait for you to call me before you sleep. Then I can tell you goodnight properly." He pulled her near, pressing his lips to her forehead and closing his eyes. The way she fit so perfectly by his side was so natural it was an unnatural feeling for him. He felt her hand slide gently from his as she reluctantly pulled away and his lips tasted cold air.

"Aneong." Her voice was light and airy and her scent floated around him and he held his breath hoping it would linger. Sinking back against the pillows he kept his eyes closed, drifting on the edge of sleep and waiting for the phone to ring.

* * *

The air was cooler outside the building, a welcome change from the heat and stuffiness of the hospital. Happy to be free of the relatively cheerful, but still strained environment of YiJung's room, he watched the tall figure striding away silently ahead of him.

"Ya, JunPyo." With his long legs and large stride, he caught up to the head of Shinwah easily, reaching out to grab his attention.

"What do you want?" The reply was colder than he expected but he knew that with JunPyo the cold exterior was a coverup for some other strong emotion he was suppressing."

"Just- talk to me for a second."

"It's not like you actually care." The words were a slap across the face as they looked each other straight in the eyes.

"JanDi- she's worried about you."

JiHoo saw his fists clench tightly at his fiancée's name. He realized it wasn't the best way to start this conversation, but he had promised her he'd try to talk to him. "She called to ask me to speak to you because she's worried about you," he continued. "_I'm_ worried about you. I know you have a lot going on and-"

"Do you love her?" The question was thrown out there quickly and hung in the air like some sort of ominous dark cloud before a storm.

"JunPyo."

"Do you?" His gaze was practically boring a hole into JiHoo's eyes. The young doctor felt his mouth go dry knowing the answer and what response it would illicit.

"Yes or no." There was noticeable restraint in JunPyo's voice.

"Yes." JiHoo admitted quietly, bracing himself for the retaliation. Instead however, the other man relaxed slightly, taking a few steps back with a sigh.

"Well at least you were up front about it." He stood, absentmindedly scuffing the bottom of his shoe against the sidewalk before continuing. "JiHoo, I know I was gone and she needed you to be there when I couldn't. It's just-"

"JunPyo."

"Anyo, let me finish."

"I waited so long to be with her, thought about it day and night. And finally I get home and for a few days it was perfect. Everything was perfect and then… YiJung." He turned his head away and JiHoo with sickening realization, suspected he was fighting the urge to cry. "Suddenly there's this serious thing but after so long we don't know how to talk about it- we can't talk about it." He paused, taking a long, slow breath as if to center his thoughts before continuing.

"You were my best friend. You were supposed to be going through this with me, supposed to be someone I could talk to. But how can I talk comfortably to someone so close to my fiancée.

"JunPyo, listen closely. JanDi- I'm her best friend. You're her fiancée. She never once stopped talking about you, never once looked at me like that. We had our chance and she chose you. When she calls on me it's because I'm her best friend; she knows how to talk to me. She wants to talk to you but she doesn't know how to." He paused to peer at JunPyo's tearstained face but he waved for him to continue, hiding behind his upturned collar.

"You don't know how to talk to her but you can talk to me. Aren't I your best friend too?"

"JiHoo," he shook his head. "When I came home, I was anxious to share my experiences with you. But there I was in the middle of it all, trying to maintain my company, and understand YiJung's diagnosis- alone. I'm there, waiting for one of you guys to ask me if I'm alright. I was waiting for you to be my best friend, to be confused and frustrated and scared with me not accusing me. I came home and I don't even know how to process this, any of this and you-" He stopped there, hands jammed into his pockets, shaking with frustration and fear and anger.

The air was suddenly quiet, silence pervaded the parking lot and JiHoo shifted uncomfortably. Although he had become better at this sort of conversation since JanDi came into his life, this was definitely not his strong suit. Quietly, so quietly that it was almost a whisper; he managed to form a sentence.

"I can't forget."

"Forget what?"

"The night you saved my life."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just- listen. I thought you were dying and I was calling for you to answer me, to say something, to just stay awake. And there you were in my arms, telling me in what I thought was your last sentence that I was the only one you'd give her to."

He had worried about what to say but he found once he started, the rest came tumbling out like a stream flowing downhill. JunPyo was intently watching him and it was now JiHoo's turn to fight tears.

"And I knew she was waiting for you, that she was yours, and that we'd never have what she has with you. For four years I stood next to her watching her pine for only you. And the whole time I just couldn't forget those words… 'It has to be you'. You could be dying and you were concerned about her and I couldn't even be selfish and say that I wanted you to live for me. I wanted you to live for her so that she wouldn't have to live without you."

JunPyo was pacing now, small steps back and forth.

"Mianhe JunPyo. Mianhe." JiHoo felt his breaths coming quicker and he felt the water escaping from his eyes. "Somewhere along the line I fell in love with her, yes. But I could never forget that I want her to be with you. I tried so hard- I wanted to forget. I hate myself for being so stupid and because of that I had resentful feelings. Mianhe… mianhe." He wiped his nose with his sleeve not even caring. His stomach was in knots, sick with worry and guilt.

"Yah…" JunPyo grabbed him sharply by the arm, tugging him forward and turning him to face him. With one hand on each of his shoulders he looked at him with eyes that were also full of fault. "JiHoo, Gwaenchana. I didn't know what your thinking was. I was afraid of losing her because those years away were torture. It was like part of me was gone and when things weren't perfect when I came home- I lost my confidence. I was afraid and I pushed those feelings on you."

"It feels so wrong." JiHoo lamented as the two stepped away from each other, both standing side by side and looking up at the stars.

"YiJung?" JunPyo guessed at the same time JiHoo said the name.

"Ne. YiJung's the one going through this terrible situation and yet our troubles still seem so important to us regardless."

"Friendships are important. Now we can move ahead and be back to supporting him one hundred percent."

The sky was as clear as the air and the pain of the diagnosis was settling in, replacing the torn feelings they had just released. JiHoo shivered despite the heat, thoughts now muddled for a completely different reason.

"He seemed alright tonight. I think I had worked myself into expecting worse."

"Ne. It's only the first day." JiHoo replied, biting his tongue to refrain from finishing his stream of thoughts. _It gets worse. _Being a medical student made it incredibly difficult to cope with this sort of thing. He couldn't erase what he had learned, what he knew was in store as the treatment progressed.

"You know, YiJung's strong. He'll be alright."

_I hope you're right JunPyo_. His mind was slowing now, fatigue settling in. He knew YiJung was strong, but the whole situation was just so-

"I hate the uncertainty."

They were back to thinking on the same page and it took all the energy he had to respond.

"Me too JunPyo, me too."

* * *

_It's been a while so any comments would be very helpful._

_Was everyone in character enough?_


	10. Joyaheo

_Thanks everyone for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)_

_~Alicia_**  
**

* * *

**Through Muddy Water  
**

**Chapter 10: Joyaheo**

It was only five o'clock but she was already fully dressed, hair done, and bag packed. It was habit now, to be up so early even if she didn't have to be at the hospital for rounds.

With all that was going on, for the past week it had been impossible for JanDi to go back to sleep after waking and this today was no exception. It looked like she's be spending another morning in Shinwah library alone with her textbooks and the rising sun.

Stepping out of her front door she stopped short at the sight of the black car parked outside her apartment. It was strikingly familiar even in the weak light of the morning and her heart froze with worry as she peered across the street. _He hadn't called to say he was coming._

"JunPyo?" she called tentatively.

"Ne," came a voice from behind her. It startled her and as soon as she recognized it she turned around to smack her fiancée's arm.

"Ya! Who gave you permission to sneak around out here?"

He laughed at her outburst, gathering her into his arms so she couldn't move. "I'm head of Shinwah, I can sneak around anywhere I want, especially my fiancée's place." She rolled her eyes as he buried his face in her hair, muffling his voice "Good morning Do you have time before class?"

"Bwoh?" She asked trying desperately to smooth her hair from beneath his arms.

He released her shoulders, taking her hand instead and steering them both towards the waiting car. "I thought we could have breakfast. I need to talk to you about something." He paused to open the car door, ushering her inside.

She frowned suspiciously. "What's going on?"

"Last night JiHoo and I-" He reached out for her hand again and she held her breath but instead of a serious face, she saw JunPyo's quirky smile. "I just wanted to talk to you."

She felt warm inside, seeing his face light up like that for the first time in a week. Sliding into the seat she tugged him along with her. Under the orange glow of the sunrise she kissed him, savoring the feelings that she had missed for too long. When the kiss was over and sat back in the leather seats, she slipped her fingers back between his. "I'd like to hear about it, let's go eat."

* * *

He felt like a doctor as he stood before the sink, soap covering his palms as he lathered bubbles between his fingers and down his forearms. Watching the foam swirl down the drain, WooBin gently patted his hands dry before crossing the kitchen to where YiJung sat patiently waiting.

"Ok," he sat down, hands in the air like a surgeon, surveying the supplies laid before him. YiJung reached over, picking up and peeling open the first sterile package enough for WooBin to tug a pair of gloves from within it. The latex felt foreign in comparison to the leather he was accustomed to slipping into.

"Are you cold?" He asked YiJung. It was strange to see his friend dressed down to just the bottom half of a suit and even stranger when you added in the plastic tubing protruding from his chest.

"Anyo, I'm alright."

"Ne." WooBin reached over hesitating before examining the potter's chest. The dark stitches below the catheter stood out on YiJung's smooth skin. He was relieved that the neither the incision nor port showed any sign of infection. _So far, so good._

"You have a date with Gaeul tonight?" He asked, moving on to open the heparin kit. Once a day they were going to have to do this in order to keep YiJung's central line clear and accessible for treatment. He'd spent most of the morning looking over all the instructions he had neatly organized into a binder, but he was still nervous to be attempting the procedure without a nurse guiding him.

YiJung looked slightly embarrassed, a newfound reaction which WooBin found amusing. "Oh, that. She's just coming over here and we're going to watch a movie."

"That's still a date." Uncapping the first flush, pulled back on the syringe gently to unlock it and then forward until a drop of liquid dribbled from the top to ensure any air was dispelled. He concentrated hard on all the little details the nurses had shown him the previous day. It was a complicated dance of handling the material and extremely important to keep everything sterile and contaminant free. His sentences were short because most of his focus was on the task at hand but YiJung didn't seem to mind.

"Ne. She didn't seem to want to go out tonight; I think she's worried that I won't be up for it."

"Does that bother you?" Counting under his breath, he cleaned the first line for a full ten seconds before releasing the clamp and connecting the syringe to the line.

"Anyo, she's just so thoughtful it makes me feel bad."

WooBin nodded, finally taking a moment to look up. "Ok buddy, first one. Ready?"

"Ne."

The plunger slid smoothly forward as the heparin made its way through the tubing and into YiJung's chest. From the corner of his eye he saw the potter's face contort into a grimace.

"Gwaenchana?"

YiJung shook his head in disgust. "That stuff tastes awful."

"Chincha? You taste it?"

"Ne. It's a side effect of the drug- the nurse told me yesterday. It's just a really strange experience I'll have to get used to." He squirmed a little in his seat, clearly expression distain for the heparin.

"Mian," he closed the clamp on the first line and began to prep the second in the same way. "I'll make sure you have something to drink next time, araso?" He wished he could fetch some juice for him before he did the next line but there was no way to do so without compromising the sterile field.

"Just keep going and get it over with." YiJung replied still looking uncomfortable.

It took all of WooBin's power not to rush the last syringe and when he was done he clamped off the second line with a smile. "All set."

"Kumawo." YiJung slipped an undershirt over his head, carefully tucking the catheter inside as WooBin stripped off the gloves, tossing them in the special trash can along with the rest of the medical waste.

"Anyo, you don't have to thank me." He headed back to the sink to wash his hands, the obnoxious white powder residue of the gloves easily washing away. After drying his hands, he opened the fridge and extracted two bottles of water. Taking a seat he passed one across the table to YiJung who opened it immediately and drank greedily. WooBin also drank, slowly in comparison while studying his friend's now relaxed face. "Happy to be home?"

"Ne, It's much more comfortable here than the hospital. Wish I could shower though."

"Right, you can't get it wet for a few days." He was still trying to keep all of the restrictions and instructions straight in his head. It was amazing how quickly YiJung had picked up on things though.

"No showers, baths, or swimming for78 hours and I only got it yesterday," he whined, itching the back of his scalp. WooBin laughed quietly. YiJung was one of the cleanest in the group, he had always been concerned with his appearance especially during his Shinwah Casanova days.

"You look fine." It wasn't a lie, he genuinely looked good today. If they hadn't just spent the last half hour maintaining a central line, he wouldn't have pegged him for being sick.

They both enjoyed the sunshine and silence of the airy kitchen before YiJung stretched lazily, finishing his water and drumming his fingers on the table loudly. He looked over at WooBin with a smirk.

"Wae?" WooBin narrowed his eyes at him.

"Where shall we go get lunch,_ jagiya_?" He leaned his elbows on the table, blinking at him, lips tight as if he was trying not to burst out laughing any second. It was a little too cute for a grown man but amusing all the same.

"Ya!" WooBin swatted at him with his empty bottle. "It's not that bad."

YiJung laughed heartily, shaking his head. "It's pretty bad. Actually I think GaEul might get jealous if we keep this up." He unsuccessfully attempted to fake a serious face while wagging his finger.

"You're something else." WooBin chided, taking away his and YiJung's empty water bottles and throwing them both in the trash. He paused to look out the back window at clouds floating by. _I haven't really left your side for the past few days, am I overstepping my bounds here?_

"WooBin-ah." YiJung was calling from the table.

"Oh?"

"You better not be thinking too hard about what I just said, araso?" He was looking at him with his usual warm smile mixed with a speckling of concern. Years of childhood friendship had created a bond that persisted even after the years away from each other and both men could still read each other like their favorite dog-eared novels. WooBin gave a smile in return. _You always did know me best YiJung-ah._

"Araso."

"Ya," YiJung called for his attention again. "Listen, if you're ever bothering me I'll say something."

There was a long pause. It had been a long four years, when he was isolated from the F4, spending all his time with his father's boisterous friends. Loneliness had been his friend and he was still finding it difficult to be suddenly thrown back into such a tightly bound social circle. "Kumawo," he acknowledged shyly.

"Aish. Let's not thank each other anymore. Besides," YiJung checked his watch quickly, "everyone's expecting us in a few minutes. Shall we get going?"

"Araso." He searched his pockets for the keys, holding them up with a smile. "Ga Ja!"

* * *

The sun was shining warmly on the pavement, casting late summer shadows from the buildings and as he strode down the sidewalk it seemed as if even Mother Nature was in favor of his good mood.

JunPyo grinned, eyes shining brightly behind his dark sunglasses. He had finally been able to get some of his feelings off of his chest at breakfast. Jandi had been patient, listening intently and allowing him to be honest. _I will work hard so that eventually we can talk comfortably, _he had promised. She had promised him she would be patient and also work hard in return and the rest of the morning thereafter had only gotten better.

Up ahead he caught sight of a a familiar blur of light hair. "Ya, JiHoo!"

"Oh JunPyo," the young doctor greeted, his smile reminiscent of one he would have given during their high school days. "You came."

"Of course, YiJung invited so here I am."

"Ne. It is something isn't it." They looked across the street together, both unable to stop from smiling. It appeared as if good moods were contagious and both men were in high spirits.

" JiHoo-ah.

"Ne?" He looked at him quizzically.

He looked over, his dark bangs falling thickly across his forehead. "Kumawo. This morning ... I was able to talk to JanDi." He couldn't help but to smile again at mention of her name.

JiHoo nodded, hands in pockets. "Good, now keep it that way araso?"

"Araso, he laughed out loud. "Araso."

"Oh? Look at these two early birds," came a cheerful voice from behind. YiJung had arrived, another grinning face to add to the group.

"Yo, what's up?" greeted WooBin as he strode alongside the potter in his usual spot. JunPyo didn't remember the last time he had seen one without the other.

"Early? I think it's more like you two coming late." He replied stubbornly.

"The person who makes the plans can never be late." YiJung shot right back with a grin.

"Aish, let's eat already." JiHoo teased, playfully pushing past them both.

"Ya," YiJung chuckled, "Aren't I supposed to go first?"

One by one they filed through the doorway, JiHoo leading, YiJung chasing, and WooBin falling back to hold the door. Third in line, JunPyo obediently followed until the prince caught him by the elbow before he could enter. "It's good have you two back." WooBin said, just quiet enough to stay out of earshot of YiJung.

JunPyo simply smiled for the thousandth time that day, nodding and taking the door. He motioned for WooBin to step ahead, taking the end of the line for once. "It's good to have everyone back together again."

* * *

She had yet to experience a bad date with the legendary Casanova but so far this one was her favorite, probably because of its striking simplicity. GaEul and YiJung had eaten dinner side by side at the large dark table of his dining room where he had listened to her talk about her students with great interest and she had listened to him speak about Sweden with equal attentiveness.

Shehad never been one for fanciness; in fact she was surprised it was so comfortable inside the So residence. From where she sat, relaxed on the roomy couch, she could see that the style was rich, but cozy and rather simplistic.

"Comfortable?" YiJung asked, carefully shaking out the softest blanket GaEul had ever touched to cover their laps.

"Ne." She replied shyly.

"Good."

The after-effects of the rich food and wine were making her sleepy and when he took a seat beside her she let her head rest against his shoulder, innocently looking up at his perfect jawline. Being so close, she was learning every detail of his handsome features. He caught her closing her eyes to take in the moment and kissed her forehead before flashing one of his million dollar grins. "Don't get too comfortable araso? We haven't even started the movie yet."

"I won't," she promised, knowing it was probably one she wouldn't be keeping. Tucking her legs to the side, she snuggled closer to him. The space on the side of this neck was warm and soft where her cheek touched his skin. As the lights dimmed, she felt him slip an arm around her shoulders. Not suave or fake, but protective and real. _YiJung-ah, is this as natural for us as it feels?_

With a click of the remote, the movie began but GaEul had a hard time paying attention. She was too busy taking in the events of the past week. Tonight was really the first time they'd been truly alone since the diagnosis. Sure WooBin and the other guys had given them their space, but it wasn't the same as this.

_Leukemia… cancer… chemotherapy… hospital… _These were not words that were supposed to be part of her vocabulary. In a perfect world nobody would need to know those words. _Today is Saturday, next treatment is Monday. Monday- I should take the day off on Monday. But I already took yesterday off…_

The volume jumped as the movie switched scenes and he realized how off track her thoughts were getting. She mentally kicked herself for letting her worrisome mind infiltrate such a perfect night. Turning her attention back to the screen, she realized that YiJung had grown rather silent. _And you warned me not to get too comfortable._

"YiJung-ah," she whispered, reaching up and tugging gently on the front of his shirt.

"Ne" he murmured, taking her hand away from his collar and putting it on his lap where he interlocked his fingers with hers.

"Are you tired?"

"A little." With her head so close to his she could feel the vibrations from his voice. Wrapping her free arm more tightly around his, she tried not to move her head, which was now his pillow.

"Should I let you sleep?" she whispered, unable to see his face above her.

"Anyo," he replied, mumbling into her hair. "I want more time with you."

"You can still have time with me," she assured, disentangling her legs from beneath her and awkwardly stretching with her head and torso still locked in his embrace. "Here." She slowly tried to reposition her body on the couch. Instead of succeeding however, she managed to force YiJung to awkwardly flop sideways. Picking up his head, he looked at her with a half confused and half annoyed face. "Where are you going?" he whined with a sleepy voice.

"Nowhere," she responded, resisting the urge to giggle at his flyaway hair and furrowed brow. Patting her lap with one hand she reached out to coax him with the other. "Come here."

He obliged, laying his head in her lap so she could feel his breath through her jeans. Pulling the blanket over his body she tucked it around his shoulders.

"Stay." He wrapped his arms around her leg.

"Bwoh?"

"If I sleep, will you stay?"

"Ne. I'll stay. I'm not going anywhere." _I don't want to be alone either- we can stay together._

Letting go of her leg, he rolled to his back, eyes still closed but facing upwards.

"GaEul… mianhe."

"Anyo, don't apologize YiJung-ah." She stroked his hair tenderly, tilting her own head back and closing her eyes. "It's not your fault, definitely not your fault."

"GaEul,.." She looked up at the shadowy ceiling, eyelids growing heavier with each tick of the clock. "GaEul," he called again.

"Ya,still not sleeping?" she teased, looking down and putting a finger to his lips to silence him.

Beneath her touch she saw him smile contentedly. "Joaheyo."

Her heart skipped a beat as he found her hand once more, holding it to his chest like a child would grasp a security blanket. Gradually her breath slowed to match his, rhythmic and soft and they slept in sync, holding each other close because long as they had a grip on one another that was all that mattered.

* * *

_As always, constructive criticism and positive feedback are gladly accepted :)_


	11. Be Strong

_I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't updated in a while. A couple weeks ago my Pepe lost a long and courageous battle with cancer. He took every day with such bravery and taught us all how to live like there was no tomorrow. I am going to continue to write this fanfic with a lot of inspiration from his life. I hope you will continue to read, enjoy, and support it. Thanks!_

* * *

**Through Muddy Water**  
**Chapter 11: Be Strong**

The angry grumble of thunder woke her so suddenly that for a few moments she hadn't a clue why she wasn't still sleeping. Closing her eyes, GaEul listened to the rain falling heavy on the roof above them. In the dark, she felt around the crease of the couch for her phone, peering at the florescent numbers as they glowed in the blackness. It was just short of eight but seemed much to dark outside for that to be true.

She rolled her head unpleasantly, her neck stiff from sleeping sitting up without any head support. The warm weight in her lap told her that neither of them had moved in the night. He was still with her, cradled in her arms, his breath leaking through the blanket to brush her leg softly and evenly. With fingers still entwined in his hair, she leaded back against the smooth leather and closed her eyes to soak in the simple pleasure of the stillness of the morning.

The next time she opened her eyes the setting was still as peaceful as before but her feet tingled, the nerves deprived of oxygen for too long. She hated to move YiJung, but her body was beginning to protest and ache for space. Shimmying sideways, she quickly slipped from beneath him. He stirred for a moment and she held her breath but he merely wrapped his fingers around the covers and continued to sleep peacefully.

Pulling the blanket up to his chin and tucking it around him tenderly, she tiptoed from the room. Stepping into the kitchen, she found it well lit, the bright wood giving of a cozy feel. The floor was surprisingly warm as she shuffled across it. It wouldn't surprise her if it was heated from below.

Her mouth felt dry and thick from sleeping. Curiously, she looked around unsure of how to go about getting a drink of water. YiJung had already made it clear that she was allowed to find anything she needed but it was still hard for her to adjust to such exquisite items. She opened the first cabinet, lucking out and finding it full of glasses. Selecting the least expensive looking one she picked it up tentatively.

"YiJung-ah. Why didn't you answer my ca-"

Her heart skipped a beat at the sudden noise as she snapped upright nearly whacking her head in the process. The glass slipped from her hand, shattering against the floor beneath her. Cautiously she stuck her head out from behind the cabinet door, pulse pounding and eyes widening at the sight of the visitor.

"Oh WooBin-ah. You scared me."

"Mianhe GaEul." He apologized, hands up in apology as he looked at her rather confusedly.

She stood there frozen awkwardly in her stocking feet amidst the glass, anxiously smoothing out her hair and hoping that he didn't notice her messy state. Both her and YiJung were alike in that sense, liking to keep need and well groomed. "I just-" She mumbled uncomfortably, looking down at the dark hardwood floor that was now littered with shiny slivers.

"Ah, let me help you. Don't move, araso?"

She nodded shyly, avoiding his gaze like a puppy that peed on the floor and was caught as he knelt beside her, sweeping a spot to her right clear of the debris with his trademark leather gloves. She felt bad being unable to help, but without the safety of shoes she was of no use. "Take a few steps over here," he instructed, eying the floor carefully. She obliged, treading lightly to the clear space.

"Kahmsahmnidah."

He smiled. "Didn't step on any, right?"

"Ne."

"Good." He rose, walking swiftly past her and opening a closet opposite from where she stood. "Did you stay here all night?"

There was the question she'd been dreading. She felt the blood instantaneously rush to her face and knew that her blushing was too obvious to lie around. Although the inquiry was posed casually, she bounced up and down slightly on her toes, worrying about what he was thinking as he reappeared carrying a dustpan and broom. "Oh that. We were watching a movie and we fell both fell asleep. It was an accident, I-I-I I didn't even realize." She stammered uneasily, looking anywhere but directly at the Prince.

"Ne, and YiJung-ah- is he awake?" WooBin asked, bending back down to collect the larger pieces of glass before sweeping up the smaller shards neatly.

"Oh," she looked up hastily, still embarrassed at the current situation. He had passed over her reply so naturally it was if she hadn't said anything significant. "An-n-yo. He's still asleep in the other room. I thought it would be better to let him rest." She relaxed a little as the focus of the discussion turned to something other than herself.

"Kurae," Woobin rolled up his sleeves with a smile, clearly trying to put her at ease. Throwing out the remnants of the morning's accident he looked around the kitchen. "How about having some breakfast then."

Surprised at his relaxed reaction, she nodded as he strode confidently to the refrigerator "Ne. Sounds good. What can I do to help?"

The smell of rain hung loosely in the air as they ate quietly. As he set the table, GaEul had opened the large widows that were sheltered from the deluge outside so that the cool air could filter through the room. They sat across from each other, sipping tea over the empty dishes from the meal which had been delicious. A background force in their high school days, she was learning something new about WooBin sunbae every day now it seemed.

"Are you going to school tomorrow?"

"Ne. I offered to take a personal day but YiJung resisted. He said because I'm a new teacher I should uphold my commitment as much as possible."

"He's right." WooBin instantaneously replied.

She nodded, biting her lip. She knew that both men were correct but she was still uneasy about not being able to be there during the upcoming treatment. The lack of ability to control such things was unsettling.

"You'll be able to make it for the second half. This appointment is a bit later than the last one. Plus there's all the pre-testing. And as the treatments get more difficult, and then you can look at taking time off from work."

She wished he hadn't approached that topic. Staring down her cup of tea she swallowed hard. "And… they will get worse?"

"Well he tolerated the first really well. We won't know for sure how it will go, but we have to be prepared for it to be difficult."

He was looking down as well, both of them avoiding each other's eyes. There was a stagnant pause in the conversation as they both processed the reality of his words. After what felt like an hour, but was only a mere five minutes, the noisy clang of the large clock in the hall broke the silence and signaled the passing of another hour.

"It's getting late, maybe we should wake him?" GaEul worried out loud, realizing that she was speaking only after she'd already spoken.

WooBin checked his watch casually, as he took another sip of tea. "Almost noon, perhaps we should wake him so he'll be able to sleep later tonight. He needs a good night's rest before tomorrow."

The whole scene was so ridiculous; GaEul wearing the same clothing she's worn the previous day after sleeping on the So family couch, WooBin sitting across from her finishing a home-cooked breakfast, both of them talking about YiJung as if he was their child. She wished she could laugh about the situation instead of feeling like her world was slowly shifting into something she didn't recognize. But this morning, instead of dwelling on this thought, she rose, beginning to politely stack her used dishes. "I ate well, kahmsahmnidah."

The prince also rose, taking the plates from her hands. "I got this, you go wake YiJung, I have a feeling he'll be a lot more cooperative for you." He smiled softly before looking her in the eyes with purpose. "GaEul."

"Ne."

"Be strong. For him- he's happier with you than you'll ever realize."

* * *

He was comfortable and warm, curled up with his hands tucked between his knees. Ever since he was little he'd slept like that. The sound of his mother screaming, sobbing, and threatening her life used to echo down the halls and he'd make himself as small as possible in his bed in the hopes that she wouldn't call for him. His brother was never awake, or at least pretended not to be. YiJung had never been that confident, but was always afraid that if he didn't go to her she'd actually go through with her words.

"YiJung-ah?" There was a female voice calling him, a familiar voice. There was a flash of light and cool air rushed against his cheek. The blanket that had been tucked around his chin was gone and he sighed in annoyance.

"Ya." He wanted her to go away, it was too early to listen to how inattentive his father and brother were.

"YiJung-ah, are you awake yet sleepyhead?" The voice wasn't his mother's, it was softer, gentler, melodic almost.

"GaEul…?" he murmured sleepily, squinting against the light as her form came into focus. Her long hair draped across her crossed arms which were propped against the edge of the couch. "What are you here?" he asked confusedly. He didn't remember leaving the door unlocked or giving her a key.

"I never left." She whispered, reaching out to let her hand rest on his arm.

"Bwoh?" He shook his head, trying to make some sense of what he was hearing.

"We fell asleep during the movie, remember?" She brushed a stray hair from his forehead, her big eyes boring into him. Her makeup was partially worn and her clothes ruffled but somehow she looked even more beautiful than the last time he looked at her.

"Oh," he reached out from beneath the blanket, grabbing her wrist and pulling it to him. "Five more minutes." Closing his eyes again he relished in the feel of her small palm against his chest. He wondered if she could feel his heartbeat. She giggled a little, a contented laugh, her slender fingers wrapping around his. "You might not ask for that when you hear what time it is.

He cracked open one eye suspiciously. He knew it was strange that she looked like she'd been awake for a while. "What time is it?"

"Just past twelve."

"Ah chincha?" he moaned, rolling to his back and pulling the blanket over his head. "I don't usually sleep this late." Time management was another one of his prides. There were many morning's he'd awake before the sun to get going on an important piece of pottery.

"Anyo, you were tired. WooBin's here, he made breakfast. I put some aside for you."

There she was thoughtful like she always had been and knowing that it was impossible to get mad at her for not waking him earlier. "Kumawo."

She smiled shyly, rubbing the back of her neck and rolling her head to the side in a stretch. He thought he saw a wince cross her face as she turned her face. Concerned, he propped himself up on one arm, studying her face intently. Gweanchana?"

"Ne, gwaenchana. It's nothing." She assured him, patting his hand and scooting closer to the couch. He could smell his cologne lingering on her, melding with her honey vanilla scent. He remembered the way it felt when she had cradled his head in her lap, stroking his hair. "Mian," he apologized quietly, realizing that she had sacrificed her own comfort for him.

"Wae?"

"That you slept uncomfortably because of me."

She shook her head quickly. "Hajima. I liked having you that close. I got to watch over you this time."

He never in a million years had thought that a female would have said that to him and he'd actually enjoy it. Once a powerful Casanova, in a matter of a few weeks he'd been reduced to a purring kitten. Now, he couldn't help but stare at her with a goofy grin until he forced himself to stop. "Is it really noon?"

"Ne."

He sighed heavily, sitting upright. "Araso, I'm up, I'm up."

"Well then, good Morning."

He shook his head, looking up and tapping her cute little nose with a finger. "More like good afternoon." With a smile she tugged his hand gently and he let her lead him as he stumbled, still slightly groggy, towards the kitchen.

"Ah look who's awake." WooBin teased as YiJung entered the room.

"Ya, don't you have your own home to cook at?" He shot back, patting down his untamed locks. He knew neither of them cared but absolutely hated that his best friend and girl were seeing him so unkempt.

He felt GaEul lightly touch his waist as she slipped by. "You look fine," she whispered as she passed, sending shivers up his spine.

"That's what I always tell him." WooBin nodded, tossing a plastic bag in his direction. "Anyways, here."

"What's this?"

"It's some sort of shower-less shampoo. I knew your hair would be bugging you and you can't shower until tomorrow so found that."

He wasn't surprised by Woobin's thoughtfulness, but he was slightly embarrassed at all the attention he was receiving from his friends. "It's just one more day WooBin-ah, you didn't have to go through the trouble." Unconsciously he rubbed his fingers through his hair. He'd never admit that he was really pleased to have an alternative to going completely shampoo-less for another day. "Kumawo."

"Ne. Come eat, it's still warm enough."

"Araso." He was surprisingly hungry, a good sign considering the fact that food hadn't been of much interest to him for the past few weeks. He knew it would be delicious too, WooBin was an excellent closet cook.

He finished quickly, anxious to clean up and change his clothing. WooBin was relaxing at the table, newspaper spread before him. GaEul was nowhere to be seen but the soft sound of running water and clinking behind him told him she was cleaning up.

"Do you want to flush your line now, or after you clean up?" WooBin had risen, unpacking a small black bag. Right, his central line needed to be taken care of. He'd forgotten about that, it was still so new.

"Uh, just do it now then I'll wash up."

"Araso."

Unbuttoning his shirt, YiJung carefully exposed the foreign port. It didn't feel so awkward anymore, but looking at it still gave him quite a shock.

"Want to give us a hand?" WooBin inquired, nodding at GaEul who entered the room, sleeves rolled up and hands red from the hot water.

Her face lost a bit of color at the sight of the tubing poking out from his chest. "Anyo, I'm just going to uh- tidy up the other room."

"Why don't you go gather your things and I'll take you home to change before we do whatever it is we're going to do today. I'll come get you when we're done" WooBin suggested kindly.

"Ne." she squeaked, hightailing it for the other room as fast as she could.

YiJung sighed, laying his forehead on the table.

"She'll come around eventually. It's still new to her."

He picked his head up. "How did you adjust so quickly?"

"I wouldn't say I've adjusted."

"Anyo?"

WooBin paused, laying down the next syringe. "Anyo. When things happen, I find something to do that's related to the issue. It makes me feel better to have some way to be involved in what's happening. That's how I deal with troubles." He picked up another alcohol wipe, continuing where he left off as he spoke. "GaEul, she needs to keep the mindset that everything's okay. She'll be by your side faithfully but all of this medical stuff reminds her that something is wrong. That's what scares her- not being able to forget for even a second that something is wrong. It's what scares us all really, we just express ourselves differently.

YiJung looked down. "When she avoids it, that scares me the most. You're here with me staring this in the face but you're looking at it saying it will be alright. She's with me saying it's going to be alright too, but that fear she has… looking at her I can't stop thinking what she'd do if anything were to happen-"

"Hajima." His tone was firm and cold. YiJung could see his teeth were clenched as he spoke. "Nothing's going to happen."

There was silence between them. WooBin capped the last line, sweeping the paper debris into a pile, refusing to make eye contact.

"You need to tell her what you told me."

"I can't. You remember the night I was diagnosed."

"That was a different day." He stripped off the gloves, looking away. "She needs to know, she can't pretend nothing's going on forever. She needs to hear it from you. If she means as much to you as I think she does, you'll tell her."

There was the dull thunk as WooBin tossed the used items in the special medical waste bin. From behind, the prince suddenly looked like a stranger with tight posture.

"WooBin-ah…" His stomach turned at his friend's sudden change of demeanor. He couldn't understand how the conversation had turned sour all of a sudden. This was a foreign experience , WooBin rarely acted out if ever. He struggled to find the correct words to say. "I'll talk to her… araso? I'll tell her."

He saw WooBin's shoulder's heave in a sigh. He seemed to relax as he inhaled, centering himself once again. "It's not really my business YiJung. Mianhe, I don't know what got to me."

It was a lie, they both knew what was on his mind but now wasn't the time to say. "It's alright," he insisted, "Everything's alright."

Maybe if he kept saying it then eventually they would all start to believe it.

* * *

_Now that I'm back I'd love to hear from my readers!_

_Is the story moving too slow? To repetitive? I have some things planned for the next few chapters... Are you guys still feeling interested or do I need more variety in the plot?_


	12. Slipping

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 12: Slipping**

Never before had the F4 gathered as one group in the studio and despite the open floor plan, four heirs plus GaEul made it seem uncomfortably crowded. Uneasy, YiJung anxiously paced the floor and supervised rather than joining his comrades at the large tables.

At the first, JiHoo sat quietly focused. His long fingers gently caressed the clay he'd been given. The violinist was living proof that music and art often went hand in hand. Just across the table however, it was an entirely different story. The intense ball of frustration known as JunPyo was also busy, fighting with his lopsided lump of materials. Every so often there came a pause followed by restrained huffs of discontent. "Aish! Even GaEul's better at this," he whined, pounding anything he'd begun flat in a fury.

"Ya JiHoo-ah, why didn't you ever take up pottery?" WooBin called from the second table where he and GaEul both were seated.

The musician gave a small smile, refusing to be distracted by the others as he continued to work his clay into a recognizable shape. "This never matched the feeling that music gave me. Plus, it was already taken by someone. Perhaps GaEul should have though."

"Oh?" GaEul looked up at the mention of her name and scrutinizing the competition. "To be fair, I had a few classes."

YiJung swallowed a laugh, knowing none of his friends looked even near ready to be bragging about their progress. If he had to choose based on the misshapen blobs in front of his friends, from what he could distinguish, JiHoo was probably doing the best of the four with GaEul close behind. The smell, sight, and feel of the clay made his fingers thirst for a chance to spin but he would never be able to in front of them all. Almost all of his pieces that meant anything had been created in the quiet of a late night or early morning when he was able to set free the emotions locked beneath his surface.

He lingered behind GaEul because she couldn't see him grinning like an idiot from behind her head and also because from there he could watch her hands and smell her hair. She sighed, pursing her lips and blowing a strand of hair out of her way with exasperation. Seizing the opportunity, he reached around her and took her hands gently in his with a soft laugh. "You still put too much pressure on your wrist here."

She ever so subtly leaned against him. He held her wrist steady and breathed in her scent. It had been a long time since he let someone get this close to capturing his heart and surprisingly he was enjoying every second of it.

WooBin cleared his throat, eying them across the table with an amused look. YiJung let go, slightly embarrassed at his sudden lack of control in front of them all. He could only imagine how red GaEul's face must have turned. Nonchalantly, he tried to make his way to the other table.

"Ya JunPyo, you have to be more gentle with it. Firm, but still gentle."

Absorbed in his mess, JunPyo continued to manhandle his project with a steady stream of exclamations flowing from his mouth. "Aish… chincha?... Anyo- AISH!"

YiJung laughed, knowing his words were falling upon deaf ears. He decided that moving onward would be more productive than trying to teach the leader.

"You're a bit timid JiHoo-ah. Care and finesse will make it pretty, but it also needs to be strong." The musician nodded, tilting his head to view his work and contemplate the instructions he was given.

"This must be what it's like for GaEul in the classroom. YiJung's teacher, JiHoo's the quiet focused one, GaEul's the cute good girl and JunPyo's the bratty student." WooBin piped up.

"Yah, am not." JunPyo whined, giving up on making the pinch pot. "If I'm the brat then YiJung's the handsome young teacher stealing the heart of his student."

YiJung saw WooBin instantly lean back and dig his elbow into JunPyo's side. Four years ago it might have pissed him off but not today. It had been a long time since his Casanova days and even his father's words had faded as he worked abroad in Sweden. Even so, WooBin quickly collected the conversation, sending it in a different direction.

"Remember when we were in kindergarten when we used to play with clay? YiJung was always the best even then and it made me jealous sometimes." YiJung knew the words ran deeper than the friends realized. WooBin had always been jealous of their talents; jealous and painfully embarrassed of his own family's background. He flashed a smile at his friend and received one back almost instantly in return.

"JunPyo used to hog all of the clay." JiHoo broke his silence and murmured, just loud enough for his counterpart to hear.

"At least he didn't try to eat it," was the counter reply.

"Chincha?" GaEul piped up incredulously. "Who eats clay?"

"Yeah, who eats clay?" The three men asked simultaneously, zeroing their gaze on WooBin.

"Ya," he laughed apologetically. "I was an adventurous child. I only wanted to try it once." He sheepishly looked up with his hands spread.

"Just once…? Or twice."

"Or maybe until the teacher put you in the corner."

They all laughed heartily at the thought of prince song being sentenced to the corner by the kindergarten teacher.

"Well… I have a student who always wants to eat the paste during arts class." GaEul offered in WooBin's defense. Everyone chuckled merrily once more at this.

"See, not the only one." WooBin stated matter of factly, bending back over his work.

There was a faint audible buzzing noise and JunPyo threw his hands up in frustration. "Aish!" He held his dirtied hands up like a doctor and stared at his pocket until WooBin had the sense to throw a towel at him. Slipping out the back door, he excused himself to take the call.

YiJung barely noticed him go, because he was once again entirely focused on GaEul and her pretty eyes.

* * *

He didn't think anyone saw him slip out of the room, nobody usual caught on when he left anyways. JiHoo liked to think it was because it was a frequent occurrence.

JunPyo was by the gate, looking out at the street.

"Business call?"

He spun on his heel and pocketed the phone quietly. "Ne."

JiHoo studied his face, knowing that his friend was lying about the call. That much was obvious, but the reason why was not. "Everything alright?"

"Ne. Secretary Jung will take care of it."

"Good." They stood there in silence surveying the stars. It was always outside under the night sky that they were able to open their hearts to each other. "JunPyo, you can't fool me. What's bothering you?"

He sighed, leaning against the cool metal. "The wedding."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"Anyo, JanDi… I love her and I want this- I just… I'm not enjoying the planning."

"Well you do have a lot of other things to take care of."

"It's not stressful really it's more- uninteresting? Anyo, that's not it either. It's just…" He clenched his jaw in frustration, fists also locked tightly. "I don't know what it is."

"Ya," JiHoo breathed, leaning against the gate as well. "If it doesn't feel right then maybe you should wait."

The surprise on the president's face was clearly evident in the moonlight. "But this is what she's looked forward to," he whispered.

JiHoo realized how inconsiderate he suddenly seemed towards JanDi's feelings. "Is there something going on with you two?"

There was a heavy sigh. "Not really. We've been communicating a lot better now. I've really been trying to connect with her. I don't think it's an issue with us so much as…"

He trailed off before he said it. JiHoo looked down.

"JanDi's so optimistic but I'm just having a really hard time. It doesn't seem right- to have such a celebration in the middle of this. I'm not comfortable with the idea."

"JunPyo. I know you want to make her happy but it will only hurt your relationship if you're not a hundred percent sure you want to go through with this. If she loves you as much as I know she does then she needs to hear this from you."

"Ne, I know." JunPyo scuffed the edge of his toe against the pavement uneasily. "That's the easy part, knowing. It's the unknown that follows that's scary."

* * *

The atmosphere was considerably quieter with just three bodies. YiJung looked up at the clock, already feeling tired despite sleeping so late.

WooBin spread his arms in a lazy stretch. "What are those guys up to?"

"Not sure."

"Araso, I'll go find out."

With just himself and Gaeul left, YiJung was able to settle down, his hands expertly kneading out clay.

"You don't usually like us to watch." She said quietly.

"I know." He answered with a short sentence, hoping she wouldn't push the issue. No such luck.

She leaned over the table to peer into his eyes. "Gwaenchana?"

He looked up at her shining eyes with a half smile. "I guess I just… want to share this with you guys. Something that's important to me so you can understand."

She looked away and he felt his heart suddenly sink lower than her gaze.

"Wae?"

"Nothing," was the reply. YiJung knew better than to take that at face value. One of the many rules of women, he knew quite well was never to underestimate the simple answer 'nothing'.

He lowered his voice to her level, trying to find her eyes again. "GaEul, what did I do?"

"Nothing." There it was again, God he hated that word.

"Anyo, it's something. Wae? Why are you suddenly upset?" It was the second time today someone had suddenly become cold with him. Was he really being that insensitive?

She put her hands down, leaving clay palmprints on her jeans. For a moment she stayed still like that, staring at the wall before her. Then, she finally spoke. "I don't like hearing you talk like that. When you say things like that it frightens me, so please just- don't. Araso?" It was matter-of-fact, blunt, but riddled with emotion.

If it had been any other girl he would have stormed out. Nitpicky females were not his taste, but the way her voice wavered tugged at his heart.

"Mianhe," he whispered, putting his hand gently on hers.

She didn't shrug him off, but she didn't warm up to him either. "I'll be fine," was the response as she continued to harshly form her bowl, her movements clumsy and rigid as she pinched the clay too tightly.

"Mianhe… mianhe… mianhe." He apologized over and over until she took his hand in hers.

"Hajima. There's nothing to be sorry about."

* * *

He could feel his phone ring in his pocket and he prayed nobody else could hear the vibration. WooBin covered the phone with his hand, cupping it close to his body. Anyone calling for casual reasons knew to hang up after one ring with the promise that the call would be returned in due time.

It rang again and is father was looking at him now, brow slightly furrowed. Stepping from the room as politely as he could manage he checked the screen, answering and whispering quickly into the phone.

"YiJung-ah gwaencanayo?"

"Ne, gwenchana."

He sighed in relief, looking up at the ceiling. "You should be sleeping."

"I tried."

"GaEul?" He guessed, looking over his shoulder slightly. The meeting was still going on but he knew all the men would be wondering where he'd gone.

"Ne," he heard the potter admit shyly.

"So call her." He didn't mean to be rushing the potter, but it was imperative that he not miss the get-together.

"Anyo, she needs to be up early."

"Araso." He wasn't sure exactly what his friend was looking for in this call. He didn't want to admit it, but it was becoming rather annoying to talk about nothing.

"WooBin-ah?"

"Ne?"

"I'm slipping." There it was. Their old code word, created that night in the bridge as a means of accountability between the two. He quietly sighed, worried about both his friend and his father's reaction. "Do you need me to come over?" He would do it of course, there would be some lie he could come up with to back out of the manor.

"Anyo, I threw it all out."

"Chincha?"

"I promise. I poured it all down the drain."

It sounded like the truth so he didn't ask again. "Araso."

"WooBin-ah?"

"Ne."

"Are you… okay?"

Of course he wasn't and they'd made a promise to be truthful but sometimes the truth could do more damage than good. So he lied. "Ne, I'm alright. You're alright." It didn't sound very convincing and he paused before continuing. "We'll both be fine, araso? It's just because of tomorrow you're feeling like this."

"Ne," came the quiet reply. "WooBin-ah…"

"Oh?"

"Kahmsahmnidah."

He didn't deserve thanking, but YiJung was always giving it to him. "Go to sleep. I'll pick you up in the morning."

He hung up the phone before there was a reply and prepared himself to go back to the council. He wasn't okay, and he certainly was not ready to about to get involved in another of his father's messes but he had no choice but to grin and bear it.

* * *

_Eeek! The wedding... will it still happen?_

_What's going on with WooBin & his Dad, hmmm..._

_Is there tension rising between our favorite couple?_

**What do you think?**_  
_


	13. Vacation It Is!

_I'm back!_

_I just realized how much I missed this story and got back into the writing swing. I'm terribly sorry to keep you all waiting. The good news is I have been re-inspired- yippee!_

_So yeah... here's Chapter 13 which is not my favorite. It's a transition chapter really from one spot of the story to a fun idea so bear with I'll have Chapter 14 soon enough. So glad to be back, I'll work hard ^-^_

* * *

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 13: Vacation It Is**

He already hated the sterile smell and chintzy décor of the oncology ward and it was only his second time stepping onto the floor. Wrinkling his nose, YiJung brooded silently as he stepped off the elevator, WooBin tagging along closely behind.

"Yo, it's too early to be in a bad mood." He felt the prince nudge him gently from behind. He ignored it of course, choosing to stay grumpy because it was easier than putting in effort to be happy.

"I don't care."

"Ya, don't be like that. She's coming after work."

Sometimes it was scary how well WooBin knew his thoughts. Even so he continued to stubbornly ignore his friend's attempts at cheering him up. He was not looking forward to another day spent sitting idly in a white walled room.

"YiJung-ah, you were the one who told her to go."

It was true, he told her to go to work. She'd only been a teacher for a year and he didn't want her to jeopardize her career for him. Even so, he was still wishing that he hadn't said anything and that she was there. Not even because he was frightened and needed her, but more so for the company. Not that WooBin wasn't company enough, it was just… complicated. In one short week his whole life had become complicated.

WooBin knocked shoulders with him, pushing him off balance with a smile. "It's just three more hours until school ends."

Reluctantly, but because he couldn't resist, he gave a playful smack back. "Ah so in three hours, you'll finally leave me alone?"

"Anyo, then I'll be babysitting you two." was the reply as the prince slung his arm over the potter's shoulders.

YiJung let a smile escape, poking his friend in the side. "Ya, you just wait until we get out of here- you're really in for it then.

"Ah chincha?"

"Ya," he laughed as he was dragged down the hall. "You don't believe me?"

"YiJung-ah, you were never one for fighting."

Because they were considered VIP, all the results of the blood tests run an hour earlier were already back and they were ushered into the private treatment room quickly. Instructed to get ready as a nurse would be by soon, YiJung obediently unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and took a seat, looking at WooBin who was pacing with the phone to his ear.

"Who are you calling?"

"Your place. I want to make sure the staff cleans everything before we're back."

Right. According to the doctors, they had already detected a decline in his white blood cell count. Eventually, they told him, he would be very susceptible to illness and infection. Just one more thing to look forward to he lamented. This day was so up and down it was hard to keep track of his emotions.

There was a knock at the door and a nurse appeared, greeting him warmly. He found it funny how these people could be so cheerful when surrounded by such a negative atmosphere. As she approached his side WooBin, who was still on the phone, gave him a questioning look. YiJung rolled his eyes, "I'm fine." Nodding, his friend stepped out into the hall.

The nurse gently examined his port.

"Nothing hurts right?"

"Anyo."

"Looks good." She gave him a friendly smile and nodded towards the hall. "That your brother out there?"

"Anyo. Friend." _He might as well be my brother though,_ he thought to himself.

"You're very fortunate, to have a good friend like that. Keep close to him."

It was ironic, that even in this situation he could be called fortunate but he had to admit it was true. Through the slats in the blinds he could see the back of his friend's head and he knew that there wasn't anyone in the world who could ever understand him better than WooBin.

"Yeh. We're very close."

She smiled and nodded, pushing a syringe full of medication into his line. "Alright, these might make you a little sleepy. If you need anything, give us a call."

"Kahmsahmnidah."

* * *

He sat in the same chair he'd occupied the last time they were in the hospital, hidden behind a newspaper but still very much aware of his sleeping friend's every move.

There was a knock on the door as JunPyo entered. WooBin saw the men dressed in black step aside and take up watch from the hall. Of the four of them, as head of Shinwa, JunPyo was still accompanied by guards wherever he went. WooBin had the option, but preferred not to get his father's men involved when unnecessary.

"How's he doing?"

"Sleeping. One of the side effects of the steroids is drowsiness," WooBin explained, folding up his newspaper neatly and laying it flat so he could face his friend uninterrupted.

"You seem to know a lot about the treatment." JunPyo commented, removing his jacket and taking up a seat beside him.

The prince nodded. "Ne, I try to understand the brunt of it so there's less for him to worry about." He looked over at the potter as he spoke.

"It's good. He's lucky to have someone like that." He looked up at the clock.

"Just started?"

"A little over an hour ago and it takes four or five."

"Ah," he looked slightly uncomfortable in the plain plastic chair.

"Nothing to do today?" WooBin asked in an attempt to stir up conversation. Funnily enough, he always had found JunPyo to be the hardest for him to connect to.

"I have a few hours free before the next meeting."

"And you didn't want to go home to JanDi?"

"I told her I'd be stopping here. She understands- or at least I'd like to think she does. She's pretty busy nowadays anyhow."

Woobin raised an eyebrow at his words. "Work, all of this," he gestured around the room, "the wedding planning, it must be stressful."

"It is." It was a complete sentence but to WooBin it seemed unfinished. Patiently, he waited for the rest to come out on it's own before probing any further.

"I just… nothing feels right about it- the wedding." The young man drew a breath slowly. "It's not JanDi, even when we're not on the same page, everything still feels right about her. It's just… this." He looked forward at the wall for a while before asking wearily, "Does YiJung know about any of this?"

WooBin shook his head negatively. "Are you planning to talk to him about it?"

"Anyo, we don't want to burden him with that right now. It hasn't even been a week."

WooBin opened his mouth to respond, but another knock came from the door. JunPyo turned with a smile.

"Anneonghaseyo Dr. Yoon."

JiHoo laughed softly making a face as he crossed the threshold. "Please don't, I've dealt with enough patients already this shift."

"Are you done now?"

"Finally." He shrugged off his white coat rather wearily. "I was not built for overnights."

Both his counterparts laughed. "I think you're just not built to stay awake."

"Very funny. Speaking of-" He stole a glance across the room at YiJung. "About an hour in?"

"Ne."

"Everyone knows this stuff except for me." JunPyo whined restlessly.

"Anyo, be glad you don't need to know this stuff. Besides," JiHoo eyed the dossier beneath the president of Shinwa's hand, "I would never trade for that."

"Fair enough," he admitted.

JiHoo sighed, stretching out his long legs with a satisfied look. There was a long moment of quiet, a rarity within the F4. The three friends were all waiting and watching, unsure of what to say next.

"WooBin."

"Yeh."

"Does YiJung talk to you about how he's feeling?"

"Anyo, not much."

"Usually it helps when there's someone going through the same thing. The regular patients receive treatment down the hall in the usual treatment room. They get to talk to each other and just interact with other patients. It might be worth talking to him about."

Woobin hesitated without knowing why. "I don't know if he'd be up for that."

"It's just an option, araso? And if you need me to talk to him about it then I can do that." The young doctor's voice was firm but gentle.

"Araso." WooBin agreed halfheartedly. He was having a hard time distinguishing if he was wrong in his gut feelings or if he was just confused due to all the recent commotion.

There was movement from the bed and all three friends automatically leaned forward.

"Ah, you're awake."

YiJung blinked, registering the sight before him before turning his head with an annoyed pout."Aish, chincha? Don't you all have places to be?"

"At the moment, no."

"How are you feeling?"

"I should keep track of how often people ask me that."

JiHoo swatted at his foot playfully. "Ya. I'm a doctor just answer."

"Doctor in training," he teased as JiHoo gave him a look.

"Alright."

JiHoo examined the chart at the foot of the bed. "Good. They should be on top of the anti-nausea meds so it stays that way. Let me go check on that."

"Gomawo."

WooBin put a hand on his friend's shoulder and the potter squirmed away from the touch, slightly cranky from his nap. "Ya... I'm alright, don't worry so much."

"You can tell me that all you want but I'm still going to-"

"-keep at it?" YiJung answered for him. "I know." He looked up at his friend sincerely. "I'd do the same so don't expect anything less than that from you."

* * *

She was surprised that it was JiHoo waiting for her outside as it wasn't often that WooBin wasn't there to pick her up. At first GaEul had felt uncomfortable receiving rides when she had a car of her own, but YiJung had insisted that she let them chauffer her from work to the hospital, and his house. It did make things easier, and she found that the company of others facing the same emotions as her was a comfort.

"Sunbae!"

"GaEul. How was school?"

"Besides the one student who had to stay in time out all day? Good." She smiled at him as she approached the curb.

"Ah, that was WooBin in kindergarten… I think. Either him or JunPyo. Anyhow, everything's going just fine, just an hour or two more." She liked that he gave her an update even before she even had a chance.

"Who's at the hospital now?" She asked, taking the helmet that he held out to her and slipping it easily onto her head.

"WooBin and JunPyo."

"Oh," she frowned as she climbed onto the bike behind him.

He must have heard the confusion in her voice because he immediately asked if something was wrong. "Gwaenchana?"

JanDi said JunPyo was busy today that's all. Maybe it was a misunderstanding."

"Perhaps," came the vague reply. "Ga Ja?"

The ride was short and he easily found a spot to park his bike after dropping GaEul at the door. By the time he reached the room the happy couple had already reunited and a twinge of jealously flashed through his body at the sight of them holding hands and talking about their day.

"Are you on call much for the next few days?" WooBin asked him as he took a seat once more.

"Anyo actually. I have the next two days off- it's a rarity but it does happen." He smiled, just realizing the importance of what he was saying. "Its funny I never even realized until now. Thanks for reminding me WooBin.

"Heh, no problem bro."

YiJung turned to GaEul and patted her hand. "You must be glad it is Friday." She smiled back at him with a nod, obviously pleased to be by his side.

"Yeh, two days away from those little monkeys."

"Yah Goo JunPyo, better not let JanDi hear you talk about kids that way, she'll be so happy to be a mother someday." She warned seriously.

YiJung laughed at her outburst.

"Waaeee?" she whined playfully.

"You two _are_ best friends. That sounded just like JanDi, didn't it?"

"You know, it kind of did."

"Yah Goo JunPyo," YiJung teased, mimicking her.

"Aish…" She tugged her hand away in mock anger.

JiHoo couldn't stop himself from laughing at the whole thing. It was true, GaEul had definitely picked up some of JanDi's mannerisms. He couldn't tell what was more amusing- the fact that YiJung noticed and found it hysterical or the fact that GaEul was dishing it right back at her boyfriend.

"Let's go away this weekend." JunPyo murmured suddenly.

"Bwoh?" All heads turned immediately.

Amidst the laughter, JiHoo barely heard the original statement. "Away this weekend?"

JunPyo sat up straighter in his chair, like a bird ruffling its feathers in defense. He cleared his throat and looked around the room. "Vacation. The four of us- we'll take JanDi and GaEul too."

The was a long pause as nobody was sure what to say next. After several pensive looks, there was a quiet reply from the corner. "Araso, let's go."

"Chincha?" WooBin sat upright, peering around GaEul's head at the potter.

"I'm tired of doctors- no offense."

Thoughtfully, JiHoo tilted his head, it"Looks like we're going on vacation then."

"Ya, are you serious?" WooBin exclaimed, looking at everyone with surprise.

"I think it'll be good." He could tell that the prince was uncomfortable with the idea so he did his best to assure him. "Even if it's just for a night, araso," he asked while shooting JunPyo a look that read _Don't push it._ "Besides… YiJung, JunPyo, GaEul, and myself all say yes."

WooBin looked YiJung in the eyes questioningly. JiHoo knew that that one look gave more confirmation than any of his words ever could and after a few moments of silent communication WooBin sighed and stood up with a smile.

"Araso, vacation it is!"

* * *

Ahhh vacation with the F4, JanDi and GaEul... how will it go?

_*Also as a side note, I really appreciate you guys' kind words and reviews. Please feel free to throw out criticisms or ideas, etc._


	14. Goodnight Jagiya

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 14: Goodnight Jagiya**

It was the first time he had seen her so genuinely happy about something since his initial diagnosis and as Woobin pulled up the car beside JunPyo's he watched her with a smile.

"Wahhh it's so beautiful!" GaEul exclaimed, spinning in a circle looking up at the sky. Beside her JanDi was doing the same and the two of them giggled like high schoolers before staggering to the front porch and leaning against the rail breathlessly.

YiJung stepped out of the car, breathing in the fresh salt air. He had never had a problem with motion sickness before, but about halfway to their destination the ride had become stuffy and uncomfortable. He knew he shouldn't be surprised, but believe it or not, he was actually starting to have moments when he forgot he was sick and it put a damper on the morning to be reminded.

"Ahhh…" WooBin sighed, stretching his long legs and pulling suitcases from the trunk. "Shall we bring these in?"

Extracting his duffel from the trunk, YiJung nodded and followed behind. He met up with GaEul at the front door, nudging her gently with a smile. She bit her lip shyly, looking so cute that if his hands hadn't have been full he surely would have tackled her into a hug.

"Yo, Mr. President let's go!" WooBin spiritedly shouted at JunPyo who, across the lawn, was busy chasing JanDi and leaving JiHoo to quietly unpack the car.

Together the six of them entered the house, dropping their bags on the floor and gathering in a group. The entryway was spacious and airy, clean and simple in design- a perfect place for a getaway.

"Araso." JunPyo half-shouted, snatching a wriggling JanDi tightly in his arms with a grin. "There are three bedrooms and six of us. JiHoo-ah and WooBin-ah take the first, YiJung and Chu-GaEul in the second, and-" he paused rather triumphantly, "I will share with Guem JanDi."

"Ya!" All five friends shouted simultaneously. JanDi tried her best to escape his embrace, face red with effort.

"Bwoh?"

"You can't make the rooms like that!"

"Ah chinca?" He looked down at his fiancée, faking an innocent look.

"ANDWAE!" They exclaimed collectively.

Ever more mature than his counterpart, JiHoo pointed at each of the members of the group seriously. "Woo-Bin and Yi-Jung. GaEul and JanDi. JunPyo…" He pointed at the president's face with the best stern face he could must without laughing, "You're with me."

"Ya JiHoo-ah, you're no fun." JunPyo pouted letting go of JanDi who brushed the stray grass off her jacket and made a beeline for her bags.

JiHoo ignored his protests with a grin, shaking his head at the typical response. Taking up the suitcases in hands once more, he began making his way up the stairs.

WooBin gave JunPyo a pat on the shoulder. "You had to know that was never going to work."

"Aish!" JunPyo exclaimed, shaking his head. He looked up the staircase with a frown for a second before taking off in a rush as if he suddenly realized something. "Ya JiHoo-ah! You better be picking out the biggest room right now, araso?" YiJung heard him exclaim as he went bounding up the stairs.

Chuckling, WooBin picked up his and YiJung's bags.

"I got it." YiJung insisted, reaching for the handle.

WooBin refused politely. "Anyo, gwaenchana. Why don't you help GaEul with hers."

"Eh… " he took a step back. "Araso."

WooBin gave him a smile, nodding his head at the teacher who was trying to fit all of her belongings in her arms. YiJung hurried over, taking them from her arms.

"Oh anyo, I can get it."

"Too late," he flashed a grin at her over the bags. "Just get that suitcase and go ahead of me."

"Ne."

He had told to go first so that he could catch her if she tripped, but as they ascended he found himself enjoying the view from behind. WooBin noticed him looking and gave him a fair slap to the back of the head. He flinched at the impact and instantly apologized under his breath. He couldn't help it really, she had a nice shape and he wasn't trying to be perverted or anything it was just a fact.

"Did you say something?" GaEul asked, turning her head to look at him.

He ducked behind the boxes so she couldn't see his guilty face. "Uh… anyo. How many more steps?"

From behind, WooBin snickered at his recovery.

"Just a few, are you sure you're alright carrying all that?"

"Ne. Definitely. You just watch your step."

"GaEul!" JanDi called eagerly, appearing at the top of the stair and helping her friend tug the suitcase the rest of the way up. "The room is really pretty with flowers and we have a balcony and everything."

"Oh chincha?"

"Ne, come on!"

"I guess we're this way," GaEul told him as she was dragged down the hall.

YiJung followed obediently, passing by a large bedroom where he could see JiHoo already neatly hanging clothing in the closet with JunPyo sprawled across the bed lazily.

"Yo," WooBin elbowed him as he turned to enter the third room. "_Behave_."

"Aish… do you want to die?"

In reply, WooBin gave a knowing smirk, backing through the doorframe before YiJung could find a way to hit him.

Dumping the bags on the bed, YiJung straightened out his shirt which was wrinkled from the car trip. He carefully peeked between the buttons to ensure that his port was still secured. He had learned to tape the extra slack of the lines to avoid them getting snagged.

"GaEul," he called tentatively to the balcony. Her and JanDi were at it again, laughing and holding onto each other joyfully like four years had never passed at all. They didn't seem to hear him so he stood there awkwardly watching. "I'm going to put these here and go help WooBin unpack, araso?" he called a little louder.

"Araso!" he heard JanDi shout back before there was another fit of laughter.

He was almost out the door when the patter of small footsteps appeared behind him followed by a small tug on his sleeve. He felt a small hand wrap around his wrist lightly.

"Gomawo."

"Chunmaneyo." He smiled, turning and tucking her hair behind her ear. It was good to see her old smile again. "Go," he encouraged, pointing to the balcony where JanDi was taking pictures. "We'll gather for lunch in a bit." She smiled, nodding brightly before taking off.

Her smiles were dangerously contagious and as he entered his bedroom even WooBin noticed that he was wearing one as well.

"What are you so happy about?" WooBin raised an eyebrow in mock suspicion.

"Ya!" YiJung threw a pillow at his head which the prince easily dodged. He expected it to be immediately thrown back at him but instead it was picked up, brushed off and placed back on the bed neatly.

"Is it because of GaEul."

"Ne, it's really nice to see her in brighter spirits." He unzipped his suitcase, starting to take out his clothes one by one.

Putting a hand on his arm to stop him, WooBin frowned surveying the room. "Before we put everything away I might clean a little."

"Ya, it's clean enough really. You don't have to. If I wanted to be in a sterile environment I'd go back to the hospital."

"I suppose."

YiJung lay down on the bed, patting the edge and staring at the ceiling. "Relax WooBin-ah. It's vacation. When was the last time we all had a chance just to be comfortable like this?"

"Mmm," WooBin murmured, looking out across the water. "It is nice to be on the shore."

Together they enjoyed the view quietly for a few moments. The waves crashed into the shore leaving behind smooth sand shiny with salt. Here it was the opposite of their busy lives, calm and peaceful and satisfying.

"YiJung-ah?"

"Mmm?" He murmured lazily.

"I'm glad we came, are you?"

"Ne, very glad."

* * *

Early fall was his favorite time of year. Outside by the ocean there was a gentle breeze- enough to keep the air cool but not enough to blow sand all over the food.

"Ah sunbae this looks really delicious!" GaEul praised as she carefully unpacked the lunchboxes and laid them out on the blanket

JiHoo smiled unwrapping chopsticks. "It's nothing."

Across the blanket JunPyo had wasted no time in shoveling mass amounts of food onto his plate. Reaching over for an egg-roll and discovering that there weren't anymore, JanDi gave him a frown. Quickly, he sheepishly transferred half of his bounty to her which, naturally, she shared with everyone else in turn. WooBin silently arranged his plate neatly, dropping bits and pieces of food onto YiJung's plate accompanied with a look that plainly said 'Don't even think about refusing this.'

JiHoo stretched lazily, leaning back and looking at the sky above them.

"So what is everyone doing after this?" WooBin asked, covering his mouth as he chewed.

JunPyo leaned back comfortably, looking down the waterline. "JanDi and I are going to walk to the end of the beach. There's a pier that overlooks the water where the sunset it supposed to be really beautiful." He looked quite pleased with his plan as he explained.

GaEul's eyes grew wide. "Oooh," she exclaimed softly, her chopsticks halfway to her mouth.

"Did you want to go?" YiJung asked quietly, putting his hand over hers.

She looked at him, slightly pink in the face. "Ani… I mean not if you don't want to."

Pulling her hand to his lips he kissed it gently. "I do, with you I do." His words and touch sent her into a daze and YiJung could see her face flush red from across the blanket.

JanDi pulled on her friend's jacket eagerly. "GaEul, it will be a double date. The last time we did that was in high school, remember?"

"Ugh, don't remind me." JunPyo groaned remembering the disastrous end that date had come to.

"Ya, you won't beat me up, right?" YiJung played around, cowering in mock terror.

"Treat your girl like I treat mine and I won't."

"Ya, like you treat yours?" WooBin burst out laughing. "I can't believe you managed to keep her after all the stupid things you've done. JanDi is one special woman to be able to put up with you."

"Aish, what would you know anyways Song WooBin."

JiHoo laughed at all the playful banter, pleased that everyone was getting along so well. The sea air and the company made him feel more complete than he had in a while. "You should get going if you want to make sunset," he announced, checking his watch.

"Ne!" The two couples agreed, gathering there things.

"Just get going, JiHoo and I can get this." WooBin said, waving them away.

"Gomawo."

"Are you warm enough?" YiJung checked, looking GaEul up and down.

"Yeh." She replied, buttoning her jacket.

He reached out and took her hand in his happily. "Ga ja!"

"Don't be too long!" WooBin yelled after the four with a grin.

"They sure seem happy together."

"JanDi and JunPyo or GaEul and YiJung."

"Both."

JiHoo nodded as he cleared the plates, stopping short of the last one. It looked like it had barely been touched and he felt his good mood begin to deflate like a balloon. Sighing, he carefully scraped it back into the lunch box to save for later.

"Gwaenchana? Oh… he didn't eat much, did he."

JiHoo shook his head.

Woobin ran a hand through his hair. "He'll be hungry eventually. The car ride down made him feel a bit sick, let's let his stomach settle before we push it."

JiHoo could tell his optimism was slightly forced. "WooBin-ah. You don't need to pretend with me. You forget I know as much and perhaps more than you do about these treatments."

For a moment WooBin was stunned to silence. "Mian."

"Ani… I should apologize too. I just- it seemed so normal for a while."

"He's having a good time. We all are. Let's be thankful for that, araso?"

"Ne. You're right." He picked up the rest of the plates quietly. "Let's go get the fire pit set up."

* * *

At the end of the day, the F4 were all reduced to silence. Together, they sat around the dying flame, simply enjoying the company of one other. Surrounded by his friends, YiJung felt better than he had felt since returning from Sweden.

"Ya," JunPyo broke the silence, prodding YiJung, pointing to his right with a goofy grin. "Keyopta."

JanDi and GaEul were sleeping, heads stacked on top of each other, arms intertwined against the cold. Both of them seemed engulfed in their hooded sweatshirts but their sweet faces were still visible. They seemed happy, content, warm. YiJung reached for the camera.

"Ya! Don't take pictures of her when she's sleeping."

"I think it's cute."

"They're not drooling or anything, it's just cute." YiJung insisted. In the end he ended up taking a snapshot anyway. He knew that despite the protests, JunPyo would most certainly be asking for a copy of the photo later.

JiHoo looked at his watch, stretching. "We should get these two to bed- we all should get to bed if we're going to get up and enjoy the time we have tomorrow." He stood with a yawn, beginning to pour sand over the fire.

JunPyo quickly jumped up, shielding his fiancée. "Ah don't wake them, they've had a really busy day. I'll carry her."

"I'll help." YiJung carefully supported GaEul's head as JunPyo picked up JanDi, disentangling her arm from her best friend's. Once he picked her up, YiJung slid his arms around his girl.

"Let me get it," WooBin volunteered.

"Ani, I can carry her."

"You must be tired from the walk to the pier and back."

"WooBin. Jebal. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this." Just that one plea and WooBin immediately backed down. YiJung hated generating pity for himself but it was the truth.

Luckily, GaEul wasn't that heavy and in her sleep she clung to his jacket, making it easier to support her weight.

"Oppa?"

It was the first time he'd heard her call him that. For a few seconds, her eyes fluttered open.

"Ani.. I can wal-" she quietly protested.

YiJung kept moving, making his way up the stairs despite her feeble pleas. "Gwaenchana, go back to sleep it's late."

"Hajiman, JanDi…"

"JunPyo has her, we're taking you to your rooms." He soothed in a quiet voice looking down at his sleeping angel. She was so perfect and beautiful and _his_.

When they reached the room he didn't want to put her down. If he had it his way he'd lie down next to her on the bed and never let go. Beside them, JunPyo pulled the covers up over his fiancée, brushing some stray hairs of her face. He bent down to whisper next to her ear. "JanDi, saranghae."

Following suit, YiJung begrudgingly released his hold, taking her delicate fingers off of his lapel with a kind of smug satisfaction. _She was hanging on to me, _he though fondly. Making sure she was covered securely with the blanket he bent down, hovering over her smooth forehead.

"Goodnight jagiya. Sleep well."

He sealed the wish with a kiss and left the room walking on air.

* * *

_Yay! I get so excited when I update this fic. Partially because it takes so long for me to write between all my schoolwork and classes and also because although I am the author I still love seeing where by brain takes the story._

Thanks again to all my readers... really looking forward to your continued support and feedback!  



	15. Brave Face

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 15:Brave Face  
**

The bright sun streaming through the windows roused him from his sleep. Rolling onto he back he stretched out his arms, suddenly realizing that hid friend was no longer beside him. "WooBin-ah?" he murmured sleepily.

"Oh, you woke up." WooBin stepped in from the balcony and drew the blinds closed, blocking the light from flooding the room.

"Ne, what time is it?" YiJung asked, propping himself up on his arms.

"Nine. Mian, I should have closed these last night." WooBin apologized, gesturing to the darkened windows.

"Ah, Gwaenchana." Slowly he was adjusting to the new way WooBin was treating him. The prince had always been protective and helpful but since the diagnosis it was much more noticeable. As much as he hated to admit it, YiJung kind of liked not having to worry about so much on his own.

"Sleep a little more."

"What about you?" He noticed that WooBin seemed to have already washed and dressed.

"I'm going to go see if JiHoo needs help with breakfast. The girls are already awake I think, I heard a lot of giggling coming from the bathroom. JunPyo won't be up for a while but that's nothing new."

"Ani… If everyone's getting up I'll get up too." YiJung insisted with a yawn.

"It will be a little while before everyone's ready. Just stay in bed for another twenty minutes.

"Ani, I'm getting up," he said while hoisting himself out of bed.

"You are so stubborn sometimes."

"So are you, you know."

"Yeh, that's true too," WooBin laughed. "Maybe that's why we get along so well."

YiJung nodded in agreement.

"Well if we're both up we should go help out downstairs. Why don't you grab a shower then we can flush your port before we go downstairs."

"Araso." He unconsciously touched his chest gently where the tubing existed. It was amazing how quickly he had gotten accustomed to the central line.

WooBin saw him and gave an encouraging smile. "Ya, before you know it this will all be over and just a story to tell.

YiJung nodded fervently before smiling back. "Just a story. I think I can believe that."

By the time they had all gathered downstairs, the kitchen was filled with an appealing aroma. JiHoo looked up from the food he was setting out on the table to greet them.

"Good Morning."

"Ahh, it really smells good. Since when did you become such a good cook?"

"It wasn't me," admitted JiHoo. "The girls made breakfast this morning."

"Oh chincha?" YiJung and WooBin asked, looking past JiHoo to the kitchen where JanDi and GaEul were busy washing the remnants of breakfast pots and pans. It was a strange paradox to see them as giggling best friends that chased each other around one night and grown women cooking and cleaning the next. How different things had become over the years.

"Ya, don't sound so incredulous. My fiancée is an excellent cook," came a sudden voice from behind.

"Oh! You're awake."

"Wae? You never get up this early." Both WooBin and YiJung were surprised at JunPyo's appearance.

"It's our last day, of course I'd get up early," he scoffed indignantly. "Besides, do you know how many early meetings you have to attend when you run a company like Shinwah. "

"Ne." It seemed that even the not-a-morning-person JunPyo had changed since they had parted ways.

"Ya Goo JunPyo, WooBin sunbae, YiJung sunbae. Are you going to let all the food get cold?" JanDi asked as she settled down beside GaEul and JiHoo.

"Oh, mianhe." YiJung apologized taking a seat.

WooBin and JunPyo joined, practically drooling at the sight of the feast before them.

"Kahmsahmnida, it looks great ladies. Let's eat!"

The morning had passed quickly, breakfast ending with a table full of contented people and a table covered in empty dishes. When they had finished WooBin had sent the girls outside to enjoy the sunshine, enlisting the guys to clean up. There was much whining and prodding and begrudging help but it was finished sooner than later and somehow YiJung and WooBin had ended up on the deck together.

Reclining comfortably in their chairs, neither spoke but instead immersed themselves in reading; WooBin and his newspaper and YiJung in his book. The weather was perfect again and it seemed a shame that they would be leaving before the day was over.

"Oh, what's this?"

GaEul was running to the porch from the beach excitedly. "WooBin sunbae, YiJung-ah," she huffed out of breath as she reached the stairs. "JiHoo sunbae is taking us for a sail, do you want to come?"

WooBin looked at YiJung expectantly who surprisingly refused the offer immediately. "Anyo, you go have fun. I'm going to spend some time catching up with JunPyo."

"Ah, chincha?" her face showed visible disappointment.

"Yeh, he's so busy I haven't seen him in a while. Enjoy the time with JanDi, when we get back home she'll be quite busy again. We have a lot of time together so don't worry." He explained, standing to pull her a tight hug. It was a classic cassanova move, give a plausible reason for not going and then reassure the girl that it had nothing to do with the relationship having issues.

"Araso." She took the bait, running happily back across the sand to her awaiting best friend.

"Be safe!" YiJung called hastily behind them.

WooBin found the whole thing peculiar. For the entirety of the trip YiJung had immediately acquiesced to his girlfriend's whims. Why the change now? He looked at his friend curiously. "Hajiman… JunPyo is taking a nap."

"I know." YiJung's answer was surprisingly curt. He seemed suddenly agitated for some reason, running his fingers along the balcony anxiously.

"Gwaenchan-"

"Tired- I didn't want her to see." His responses were short and carried a tone of arrogance. WooBin wasn't sure why he was in a sour mood all of a sudden but if there was one thing you didn't do, it was mess with YiJung when he was in a bad mood.

"YiJung-ah…" WooBin began cautiously.

"Just wake me before they come back," the potter muttered hastily as he stomped inside without warning, leaving his friend dumfounded behind him.

Dazed, WooBin sat alone on the deck listening to the crashing of the waves that filled the silent air. He was confused at his friend's sudden behavior. It wasn't like YiJung to suddenly blow up like that in front of him. Occasionally he'd seen it happen with the others, but never before with him.

His pocket suddenly vibrated interrupting his thoughts. He didn't recognize the number but he answered anyways. "Yoboseyo?"

A deep voice, breathy and unfamiliar spoke his name. "Song WooBin."

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"Tell your father to mind his own business," replied the harsh voice on the other line.

"I'm not involved in my father's work," he replied coldly. It was true; he despised his father's work, avoiding anything but the legitimate business end of things.

"If he doesn't back down he can expect retaliation." The cold voice was slow and deliberate, the sentence obviously meant as a threat.

"I am not involved. Don't call this number again," he commanded. Before there was any reply he hung up the phone with a definitive click.

Taking a breath, he tried to get his head around the call. What sort of mess had his father gotten into now? Was it worth speaking to him about? Probably not. Knowing that his son was uninterested in his illegal activities, WooBin's father kept him close, but often in the dark. He would have liked to believe it was out of respect, but he knew it was really out of spite. The only reason his father really kept him close was so that he could try and recruit his only son to take over all aspects of the family business.

He felt a hand touch his shoulder and he reacted immediately, grabbing the wrist and giving it a sharp twist.

"Aish!"

"JunPyo! Mianhe!" He jumped to his feet, letting go of his friend who stood, shaking his arm with a pained expression. "You startled me."

"_I_ startled _you_?" He gave him a strange look. WooBin realized the statement was unusual considering he was the least shakable member of the group.

"N-n-ne," he stuttered, surprised at his inability to speak clearly.

JunPyo looked at him oddly while rubbing his forearm for relief. "WooBin, are you feeling alright?"

"Ne… just a weird phone call. Probably a joke. Mian"

"If you say so." JunPyo yawned looking at the water and then around the deck. "Where is everyone?"

"JiHoo took the girls out for a sail. YiJung's sleeping."

"A sail huh," he looked back out at the ocean.

"Ne."

"Is YiJung okay?"

"I think so, just tired. He's beginning to need more rest than usual."

JunPyo nodded, still looking groggy from his nap. "So this phone call…"

"Just someone looking for my father." WooBin tried to make it seem like nothing even though something about the whole thing felt unsettling. JunPyo seemed to understand that it wasn't time to further press the issue and fell silent.

After a good amount of silence, WooBin finally rose, stretching casually. "Any ideas for dinner?"

"Raymun," JunPyo said quite seriously.

WooBin wasn't sure if it was a joke or the president's sleepy mind speaking. He laughed, pushing his friend on the chair. "Something better than that, we were served a 5-star breakfast this morning by _your _fiancée."

"Araso, araso. " He paused looking up innocently, "I don't know what we have."

WooBin ordered, pushing him towards the door

"Well then let's go find out, ga ja!"

The water was clear and smooth, a perfect day for a sail and she wished she could enjoy it rather than worry about her best friend.

"GaEul," Jandi called motioning for her to sit. "I want to talk to you about something."

"Oh?" She asked even though they both knew what was on both their minds.

"I just wanted to know if you're-" she paused trying to find the right words. "I want to know how everything is."

"With YiJung?" GaEul acknowledged slowly.

"Ne, with YiJung, with WooBin, with _you_."

GaEul sighed, looking down at her sandals and biting her lip. "It's been- difficult. WooBin sunbae is a good friend. He takes care of a lot. I try to help but I feel as if I'm in the way a lot of the time."

"Wae? You're a great help."

"Ani, it's just… I get so afraid sometimes. He doesn't want me to worry but I can't help it. When I'm afraid YiJung-ah worries about me and I don't want that."

"We're all afraid GaEul," JanDi promised, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder comfortingly.

"But WooBin sunbae is so strong. He's useful and calm." Her voice wavered slightly.

"I'm not calm, I'm not strong. I'm so scared. What if- what if the treatments don't work. What if he doesn't-get- better." She began to sob openly between words.

JanDi wiped her tears quickly, shocked at how quickly her friend's grief had all come out. All of those feelings must have been hidden for so long that GaEul's heart began to burst at the seams. She felt terrible for not realizing sooner and selfish for worrying about silly things like the wedding date changing.

"I-don't-want.., to be sc-sc-scared all the time."

"You don't need to be, you have us." JanDi promised, pulling her friend in her arms. "And if you are then let me be scared with you. I'm so sorry I've neglected you. I'm so sorry."

"YiJung-ah."

Someone was calling his name and he opened one eye lazily, only half aware that he had fallen asleep. His best friend stood in the doorway.

"Ah WooBin, what time is it?"

"Almost dinner, JiHoo and the girls will be back soon."

"It's that late?" He questioned, sitting up.

"Well, kind of. We're having a bit of an early dinner because we have to drive back. The rest of them have work tomorrow." WooBin came and sat beside the potter. "Are you hungry?"

"A little." WooBin eyed him closely.

"I'll eat, araso?"

The prince smiled, patting him lightly and rising. "Ga Ja."

"Oh… WooBin-ah?"

"Mmm?"

"Earlier, for being so grouchy… mian. Feeling like this all of a sudden- it's just frustrating and a bit unsettling."

WooBin returned to the bed with a sigh. "Nobody's going to fault you YiJung. You don't need to put on an act for us."

There was an uncomfortable silence between them- an unusual awkward silence that they both acknowledged but didn't understand.

"Mian." He forced a reply for the sake of breaking free of the oppressive feeling.

"Aish, enough talk of this." WooBin smiled at him with a brother's smile once more. "Let's go set the table."

"Aaah I'm so sunburned." JanDi frowned.

"I brought medication. I'll give it to you after dinner." GaEul told her friend.

"Ya, JiHoo. I let you take my girlfriend on a boat and you don't even make sure her face is protected?" JunPyo complained jokingly.

JiHoo said nothing as his mouth was full so he pointed to his own red face in reply with narrowed eyes.

"Ya, you three look like this lobster." JunPyo laughed, holding up his chopsticks.

YiJung looked over at GaEul who was indeed quite burnt. "Does it hurt?" he asked gently brushing her cheek.

"Ani… not really." She blushed, making her look an even darker shade of crimson. He still found it endearing how shy she was about touching each other in front of their friends.

"Oh, JunPyo. Did you two have a good time catching up?" GaEul asked, looking from YiJung to JunPyo.

The president gave her a puzzled look, opening his mouth to answer. WooBin saw what was coming and kicked him under the table. He didn't need GaEul to worry any more than she already was.

"It was nice," replied YiJung, quickly shoving rice into his mouth so that he didn't have to say anything else.

"N-ne. It was nice." Echoed JunPyo rather confusedly.

"How was the sail?" WooBin inquired changing the subject yet again. YiJung smiled thankfully across the table at him. Surrounded by his best friends he didn't feel nearly as frustrated as before.

The rest of the meal was finished with stories and jokes and laughter. When everyone had stuffed themselves full and there was no more seafood left to be had, they leaned back in their chairs happily.

"WooBin and I packed this morning so we'll clean up. Go gather your things so we can get going before it gets late."

Thanking him, the remaining four trudged upstairs to pack. YiJung sat on the edge of his bed with a sigh.

"Gwaenchana?" GaEul poked her head in the doorway.

He smiled, happy at the mere presence of her. "Gwaenchana. Just a little tired even though I slept a lot earlier."

"Slept? When?" She caught his little slip up immediately.

"After I talked to JunPyo I took a short nap."

She frowned a little, entering the room to stand before him. "Is that why you didn't come sailing, you felt tired?"

Her gentle gaze was killing him and he looked down at the ground ashamed. "Mian, I shouldn't have lied to you."

She put a hand out to touch his cheek. "Ya… you can tell me these things. Just because you felt tired doesn't mean its bad. I'm not going to go crazy because you're tired. You don't need to put on a brave face all the time."

He reached up to hold her hand against his face. In that moment, with those words- he couldn't help but believe her.

_Aish, I wish I could write fanfiction all day instead of college papers XD  
I had some gaps that I filled with F4 interactions so sorry if it's a little slow at times. I'm super excited for the next chapters though- I started writing them before this one was finished keke... So please stay tuned! And forgive me for being slow to update please ^^_


	16. I Can't Fall Apart

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 16: I Can't Fall Apart**

On the morning of his third treatment he awoke feeling extremely itchy.

Scratching the back of his neck, YiJung felt what he didn't need to see against his dark sheets to know it was there. The evidence of the chemo had been lingering between the teeth of his comb for several days not but now it was worse- spreading onto his pillowcase and beneath the neck of his t-shirt. Shuffling to the bathroom he stared at himself in the mirror for a few moments, taking in the fact that he already looked thinner than before. With one hand he covered his bangs, trying to picture himself without hair. It scared him a little.

Not knowing what else to do with himself, he called WooBin.

"Yobesyo?"

"It's falling out. Really falling out." He felt the need to justify his alarm for some reason.

There was a pause on the other line before his friend responded. "We knew it was going to happen sooner or later." There was another pause. "Gwaenchana?"

"Yeh." He replied, not really sure what else to say. He wasn't not okay.

"Your appointment isn't for another few hours. I'll come early so get yourself ready, araso?"

He felt a little better because he knew if he stayed alone he'd spend the whole time hung up in front of the mirror. At least with WooBin he would have a distraction.

"Araso." There was a soft click and he was gone.

Peeling off his clothes he rummaged in the cabinet for a patch to cover his catheter with. Like a father, WooBin had trained him into a daily routine and these things were slowly becoming second nature. Letting the hot water roll over his body he stood beneath the flow for a long time thinking about nothing in particular.

He didn't wash his hair- he was afraid to make things worse. It was stupid, he knew but he wanted to avoid looking like a cancer patient as long as possible. As long as he looked alright he could feel alright. Stepping from the shower, he paused before the fogged up mirror. His finger lingered over the surface, lightly tracing characters in the mist. _Cancer. _It was still a foreign word really- not something he fully could grasp. He scratched it out aggressively and left the room without a second look.

He'd just finished wrestling on an undershirt when he heard familiar footsteps. He stepped out into the hall. "I forgot you have a spare key."

WooBin smiled. "You've still got mine too if you haven't lost it."

"Anyo, I have it." He'd made sure he knew where it was ever since the night on the bridge. There hadn't been any incidents since then but he felt safer knowing he could get into WooBin's place if needed.

"Shall we…?" WooBin got straight to the point.

"Ne."

"Araso."

YiJung tried to get comfortable as the prince spread a towel across his shoulders. "You're sure about this."

"Yeh, I don't want to deal with the mess."

WooBin nodded, combing out the back of his hair gently. "You can probably pull off shorter hair no problem anyways."

YiJung wrinkled his forehead unhappily. He could imagine how many hairs were disappearing even with such a light touch. He hated short hair but it was better than the uneven, patchy mess that was looming overhead.

"You know, JiHoo's much better at this than I am."

"I trust you enough." He replied.

"Well I'm flattered but I can't guarantee a perfect result," he laughed, beginning to snip small sections in the back.

YiJung closed his eyes trying not to listen to the sound. "GaEul noticed."

"Bwoh?"

"That I was feeling tired yesterday. She told me it was okay." He twiddled his fingers beneath the towel absentmindedly.

"See I told you she'd understand."

"I'd like to try and believe that." He admitted rather dejectedly.

"I think she can handle more than you think." WooBin murmured, trimming the long sections by his ears carefully.

He sighed. "I hope I can handle more than I think."

"Ya, don't say such foolish things."

YiJung looked down.

"Ya! Don't move unless you want to lose an ear!"

"Mian."

Frustratedly WooBin put the scissors down on the counter with a loud clack. "Trust me YiJung-ah, you're stronger than you think."

YiJung didn't answer, but began counting tiles on the floor. He didn't want to listen to anyone scolding him for being afraid.

"Just… hold still, I'm almost done." His tone had returned to being gentler this time, patient and comforting.

YiJung had no idea how his friend was keeping it all together but he didn't question it. As far as security went, he simply felt safer with WooBin around.

"Done!"

"Ah chincha."

"Looks alright, ne?"

"Ne, gwaenchana." It wasn't a lie, it looked fine for sure. It just felt… wrong.

They were three hours in when JiHoo stopped by at the end of his shift. He handed his friend a coffee, taking a drink of his own as they stood by the door. "How 's it going?"

WooBin looked a bit hassled. "A little rough today. He admitted to feeling a bit sick earlier. He's not saying anything but I think he's still fighting some nausea now.

JiHoo looked over at YiJung who had headphones threaded into his ears and his eyes closed. "It should be controllable with the medication for now. Is he asleep?"

"Anyo, just resting."

JiHoo looked at the clock. "Do you want me to pick up GaEul or are you going to go."

"If you could do it, I'd rather be here in case he needs anything." He paused to apologize to the young doctor. "I know you've had a long night- mian."

"Anyo. You're doing what you need to." JiHoo replied, clapping him on the shoulder reassuringly. "Stay here, I won't be long."

"Araso."

After JiHoo left, WooBin wandered over to the potters bedside.

"YiJung-ah," he spoke quietly, "GaEul's on her way from school."

YiJung stirred slightly, reaching up and pulling his headphone from his ear.

"Bwoh?"

"JiHoo-ah just went to pick up GaEul."

"Ah, ne." He yawned, stretching his arms.

"How are you feeling, still nauseous?"

WooBin saw his face pale at the question. "Please don't talk about it."

"Mian. Do you want me to get you anything?"

He shook his head negatively looking rather unhappy. "I'll be fine."

WooBin nodded. "Just a few more hours and we'll go home," he promised. "And GaEul's coming soon," he added trying to brighten his friend's spirits.

A small smile escaped the potter's lips. WooBin knew it would, it seemed the only thing that could instantly change his moods nowadays.

As if on cue, JiHoo and GaEul returned twenty minutes later. Still in her teaching clothes, WooBin was struck by how much older she looked than he had remembered from the weekend.

"Anneyong!" she greeted brightly, halting just short of the bed.

"Oh YiJung… your hair!"

"Ne." He touched it lightly. "Is it alright?"

"It's just… different." Her smiled seemed to dim as she surveyed it. He knew what she was thinking because he thought the same thing when he had finished the cut. _He's starting to look sicker._

WooBin saw the disappointment in his eyes at her reaction.

"It grows on you, it really does." JiHoo commented, taking a seat with a smile.

GaEul put up a smile as well, approaching the bed and leaning over to give YiJung a hug. WooBin saw him shift uncomfortably beneath her embrace. He wondered if it was time to call a nurse.

"Uh,GaEul," YiJung murmured, "can you let go?"

"Oh." She let go, stepping back. This time is was her looking hurt.

"Ani… It's not-" he sighed, conflicted as what to say. WooBin nodded at him to just be honest.

"I'm just- not feeling that well today. It's not you, araso?"

"Oh." Her face shifted to one of concern laced with fear.

"Please don't worry, gwaenchana," He insisted, taking her hand in his. "The medication will help soon."

"How was your day at school?" WooBin offered, stepping in to diffuse the negative feelings.

"Oh, it was alright. Today was show and tell and we had one student who is actually quite talented on the violin Sunbae."

"Ah chincha?"

"Ne. I was so surprised. He's so small to use his fingers so well."

"It is quite difficult at a young age." JiHoo recalled fondly. "What did he play?"

"It was a little girl's birthday so he played Happy Birthday for her. I think he has a crush." She smiled at the though. "Keyopta."

"Sounds like someone we knew back in the day." JiHoo laughed, jerking his head in YiJung's direction. "Although at that age believe it or not, WooBin might have given him a run for his money."

"You guys just love to tell GaEul what a strange kid I was growing up, don't you."

"Anyo, It doesn't change how I see you Sunbae."

"WooBin-ah." YiJung turned pale and sat up suddenly looking rather panicked. "I think I-"

Instinctively, WooBin quickly held a nearby basin beneath his chin as the potter got sick "Araso, araso… gwaenchana, just breathe." He murmured as he rubbed YiJung's back trying to comfort him. It had been a long time since he'd thrown up but he could remember enough to know how unpleasant it was.

Beside him, JiHoo had risen too, filling a glass of water and passing it to him along with a handful of tissues. He pressed the glass into YiJung's hand so that he could rinse out his mouth.

When it was over, YiJung leaned back against the pillows. "Don't worry, I'm alright."

GaEul was frozen in the corner, hands at her mouth in shock. She nodded slowly, keeping her distance as if her presence would make things worse.

WooBin hoped that was the only bout they'd have to deal with but five minutes later when he bolted upright again he found himself praying for it to pass quickly. YiJung's eyes watered as he looked over at his girlfriend between heaves.

She was pressed as far against the wall as you could get, still like a deer caught in the headlights. Her mouth was open and her breaths came quick and short. "Mian, I-I- I have to leave. I can't…" She suddenly fled the room in tears.

"GaEul." YiJung moaned looking up.

"She'll be back." WooBin replied, wiping his face with a towel.

"Ani…" he weakly fought WooBin's grip on his shoulders, straining to get up."

"Just relax," he ordered, keeping his hold.

YiJung threw up a fourth time, knuckles white against the basin. When it was over he winced, but continued pleading with them like a crazy person. "WooBin-ah… Jebal…"

JiHoo looked took the basin from WooBin's hands. "He's not going to let it go. You go after her, I'll stay."

Looking at YiJung who silently pleaded with his eyes bloodshot from being sick he cursed, throwing down the towel. "Alright I'll go, but relax now araso?"

He nodded, turning green again as JiHoo took over.

WooBin left before he could change his mind. In the moment, he didn't know why but he was suddenly angry. He was angry that his friend was sick, angry that the drugs didn't work to stop the pain, angry that cancer even existed.

Right now though he was most angry that the one person who needed less agony in his life was being hurt by a coward of a girl. When he saw her around the corner, instead of comforting her he rounded on her.

"Ya!" He angrily shouted down the hall.

She turned, eyes glassy and cheeks stained with tears.

"Jeongmal? He's in there, sick, and you can't even hold in your feelings long enough for him not to notice? He needs to be worried about himself right now, not you. Did you even think about someone other than yourself back there. You selfish little-"

"Song WooBin!" a voice bellowed behind him.

He spun on heel to face JanDi and a fuming JunPyo who's fists were clenched.

"That's enough."

Stumbling backwards against the wall he looked over at the object of his rage. GaEul was curled into the wall, her small frame shaking with sobs.

"I- want- to- go- home."

JanDi rushed to her friend, covering her as if to shield her from him.

"Take her home." JunPyo ordered, keeping his eyes on WooBin.

"Come," JanDi soothed, walking her broken friend down the hall quickly. "It will be okay."

"I-I-I-" WooBin stuttered.

"If- you- ever-" JunPyo hissed, staring him down menacingly.

"JunPyo." JiHoo called from the door of the room. "Never mind that. I need you to stay with YiJung while I get the doctors to give him more anti-nausea medication."

As JunPyo oblidged, WooBin instinctively followed. JiHoo threw out an arm, stopping him.

"Stay there. There's no sense in going in when you're like this."

"But I-"

"Anyo. Listen WooBin, I'll say this once. I know that besides YiJung, this has been hardest for you. I don't blame you for feeling hurt but _that_ can't happen. She's afraid and it's not her fault she's afraid. I think you're afraid too even though you've been the strongest one here. Find someone to talk to- anyone but _don't_ bottle it up or you'll need to step back. I'll make sure you step back."

WooBin was speechless. He slid down the wall to the floor, resting his spinning head in his hands. "Oh god I didn't even…"

JiHoo touched him on the shoulder ever so lightly. "Take a few moments and gather yourself. Then come back in the room. He's going to need his best friend."

As his footsteps echoed down the hall, WooBin was left with the confusion of what had just happened. Gritting his teeth he pounded a fist against the floor.

_I can't fall apart now, not when YiJung needs me._

___I'm sorry it's kind of a depressing chapter. I read over it and was so sad :(  
Anyhow, there's a lot that's going to start happening now so it should move a bit faster. Thanks so much for continuing to support me! I really hope I can maybe give you guys an update before the next week. I might use this fic as a study break/reward for getting things done keke...  
Thoughts, comments? It might inspire the story :)_


	17. As Long As You Need

_Ok for real though, this is the last update for a bit. Too- much- college- work... ugh.  
This was my last "free" night so I thought I'd get another chapter in. But never fear, we have a ncie long break for Quad finals starting Thursday so new chapters shall commence being written Wednesday once my exam is done!_

* * *

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 17: As Long As You Need**

The car ride home was so silent that the guilt welled up inside him until he had to bite his tongue not to confess to his friend.

WooBin kept his eyes on the road, knowing it was better to wait to discuss the incident at the hospital. After sitting numbly on the floor he had picked himself back up, collected his thoughts, and gone back to YiJung's side. By that time the new medications had kicked in and found the potter dozing and no longer wracked with the nausea that had reared its ugly head earlier.

YiJung didn't know the slew of words he had hurled at GaEul earlier. For all he knew, she had gone home upset after seeing him have such an adverse reaction to the chemo. It wasn't that he wanted to keep the episode from his friend, it just seemed like too much to hand the poor guy.

YiJung made a noise that sounded like a cross between a whimped and a groan from the passenger seat.

"We're almost home," WooBin promised, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. "Are you feeling sick again? I can pull over."

"Anyo," he sighed, exasperated. "I'm just _tired_."

WooBin wished that for YiJung tired meant tired like he was but it was quite apparent that tired meant an entirely different level of fatigue for his friend.

Pulling in to the driveway, he unbuckled quickly and opened the door for YiJung. "Here," he instructed, bending down to ease the potters arm over his shoulder. "Watch your head."

Together they made their way through the gate. WooBin easily unlocking the door while keeping a grip on his friend. It vaguely reminded him of all the nights he's escort an inebriated YiJung home from whatever club he was kicked out of. If only this time it was as simple as that.

When he eased him onto the bed, YiJung lay down almost immediately and closed his eyes.

"Let's get you in better clothes before you sleep araso?" WooBin opened a few drawers looking for something more comfortable. It felt strange to be invading his space but there was no way around it.

"Don't you have anything that's not so fashionable?" He almost laughed but the stifling silence killed his momentary happiness before he had a chance to.

"Bottom drawer."

Finding what he was looking for, he approached the bed. "Sit up for a second."

YiJung oblidged, slowly sitting on the edge of the bed. WooBin reached over and started to undo the top button of his shirt.

The potter resisted immediately.

"Hajima, you're going to wear yourself out. Just let me help."

He shook his head, trying to push him away unsuccessfully.

"Ya," WooBin argued, firmly removing his hands from the shirt. "I'm just going to unbutton it. You can barely sit up straight- save your energy, araso?"

Rather reluctantly the potter let go. When he was finished WooBin took the dirty clothes and tossed them in the hamper as he watched YiJung stubbornly and laboriously wrestle his way into a clean t-shirt.

"It's okay to need help you know."

YiJung said nothing and WooBin left the room to give him privacy to finish changing.

Pulling a bottle of water from the fridge he sighed. YiJung hadn't spoken to any of them since GaEul left. He was sure a lot of it was because he wasn't feeling well, but that wasn't his only reason for falling silent. It killed him to see his friend so upset when he had his health to worry about. The guilt he felt for losing his temper earlier still weighed heavily in the pit of his stomach.

He poured the water into a glass, wondering if his words had greater consequence than he anticipated. He had never expected this.

The room was silent when he re-entered. The potter was lying on his back, apparently dozing at first sight but WooBin could tell he wasn't actually sleeping.

"YiJung-ah."

There was no reply.

"YiJung-ah." He tried a little louder approaching him.

"Wae?" the potter complained, rolling away to face the wall.

He held up the glass. "Drink this."

"I don't want to." He stubbornly refused.

"You need to," WooBin insisted kneeling down by the bed.

YiJung completely ignored him. It was starting to get irritating, the childish behavior but WooBin held back knowing he'd already caused enough torment for the day. Besides, none of this was YiJung's fault.

"If you don't, you're going to get dehydrated and sick and I'll have to bring you back to the hospital for an IV. It's only going to help you to drink," he coaxed carefully.

Shrugging off the blanket, YiJung turned back over lifted himself up just enough to take a few sips.

"Can you try a little more?"

He narrowed his eyes but silently he listened, pushing the glass away when it was half empty. "No more. Just let me sleep," he murmured turning away again and burrowing beneath under the covers.

"Gomawo, I'll leave you alone for a bit now if that's what you want.

There was a slight nod, a shifting of the blanket, a signal to go.

WooBin paused before leaving, trying to find the right words. "She's going to come back."

To this statement there was no reply, just the sound of quiet breathing.

* * *

He had a headache from thinking too much. It wasn't unusual for him to have several things on his mind at once but trying to do paperwork on a major business deal after spending the morning watching your friend suffer in a hospital room was just too much.

With his elbows on his desk, JunPyo rested his head in his hands. The day's events kept playing over and over in his mind and he thought his brain could burst from the repetition.

"JunPyo?" came a soft voice and knock on the door.

"Wae?" he bellowed, harsher than he meant to.

The door opened and his fiancée stepped inside, cautiously approaching his desk. Luckily his outburst hadn't seemed to bother her.

"Gwaenchana?" She asked worriedly.

He said nothing but pulled her into his arms tightly so she couldn't see his pained expression. YiJung and GaEul were now a constant example- a reminder to appreciate what he had. Burying his face into her hood he just stood there, feeling her warm body against his chest.

She didn't struggle, but rather let him hold her, seemingly understanding that this was what he needed.

"How bad was it?" she whispered softly.

"Pretty bad," he admitted, voice muffled by the embrace. "He was really uncomfortable for a few hours. I don't think he could have had anything left to throw up by the time the medicine started helping."

"How are _you_?"

He sighed, picking up his chin and resting in atop of her head. "I'm alright now. It's just hard to concentrate on this while he's going through all of that. I'll get through it though. I have to." He was so thankful that they were able to talk about this now. He needed this, he need her to share these feelings with.

Stepping back and leaning against his desk he cupped her chin in his hands. "How's GaEul doing?"

"She's not talking really. Mostly crying. I finally got her to eat something and she's asleep upstairs for the time being. I'll take her back to her house tomorrow and spend the night there. She shouldn't be alone."

"Ne. That's a good idea. You're a great friend to her." He acknowledged with a sad smile.

She looked down at the ground uncomfortably."JunPyo…"

"Ne?"

"I've been thinking…"

"About?" he played with her fingers between his.

"The wedding, I wanted to keep going because I wanted everything to be perfect. It was selfish. Let's wait a bit longer. I can't go through with this after understanding the situation today. You- you were right, mian."

"You have nothing to apologize for," He assured as he pulled her closer.

She sniffed, fighting tears. "I just got so scared this morning. What if something happened to you? What if it was us and not them? They waited for years and they don't even get the happy ending we have. I feel so guilty just for even thinking about our wedding."

"Anyo, don't cry." He wiped the tears from her cheek softly. "You didn't do anything wrong. We had things planned before YiJung gotsick. You can't help any of this. Nobody could help it- it just happened."

"It's- not –fair." She sobbed into his shoulder.

For a moment he had no clue what to do because JanDi had never been one for hysterics or tears in front of him. Instincts took over quickly however and he held her so close he could feel her heart beat over his. "I know jagiya, I know. We have all the time in the world together. I won't go anywhere." He stroked her hair, fighting his own tears. "You and I are strong. YiJung and GaEul are strong. We're all strong. We'll get through this, I promise."

_I promise._

* * *

The house was dark- with every day closer to winter the sun set later and later and the air slowly lost it's warmth.

WooBin fretted by the potters bedside. It had been a solid five hours since the crippling nausea had subsided but yet his friend continued to toss and turn in his bed. Shaking his head, WooBin dabbed at YiJung's forehead with a towel. YiJung's body had begun trying to process the poisonous drugs, sweating them out as he tried to sleep.

It was nearing three oclock in the morning and he felt his own body was starting to grow weary but he didn't want to leave the room. Biting his lip, WooBin put the towel down and lay down on the bed beside YiJung.

"What are you doing?" YiJung whispered.

"Staying next to you." He replied, switching off the lamp on the nightstand.

There was a long silence and WooBin thought that maybe he had finally fallen asleep. Listening to the soft, easy breathing of his comrade, WooBin felt comfortable enough to begin to drift off. He awoke a moment later however as the potter shifted positions with a sigh.

"Gwaenchana?"

"Mollayo." He rolled over again, this time to the other side.

"Feeling sick?"

"Ani.. ne… ani… mollayo." He rubbed his face in his hands anxiously. "Mollayo."

WooBin turned to face him, looking at his friend's profile in the dark. "She'll come back."

YiJung closed his eyes. "You don't know that."

"She loves you she just needs time."

"You don't know." He whispered in the dark.

"I do. She will." He replied decisively, returning to his back and staring up at the ceiling.

There was another long pause.

"WooBin-ah?"

"Mmm?"

In the dark YiJung's voice was small and feeble like a little child's. "I don't want to feel like this."

He closed his eyes trying not to think about the long road ahead. "I know, it'll get better."

"You don't know that."

Fighting his own doubts he nodded even though it was too dark to see. "I do know."

"You don't know."

"I do. Now go to sleep."

"Only if you sleep too." He warned, also laying on his back and staring above them.

"I will."

"You won't."

He didn't know why, but the bickering made him feel a little better. Folding his arms beneath him he let a small smile escape. "Ya, chincha? Sleep already."

"Always bossing me. Just like when we were younger." YiJung yawned, voice fading into the night.

WooBin watched his eyes flutter closed, pleased to see him settle down finally. It brought him back to the days when he used to run from the heated and violent arguments his father was often engaged in one night and find himself sheltering YiJung from his mother's problems the next. "I'll stay as long as you need," they would promise before turning out the lights.

_YiJung… right now, I'll stay as long as you need._

* * *

_It's a little shorter but it was a good break to start a new chapter at.  
Sorry SoEul fans, GaEul will return to the story soon I just need to play out a few things before them. I hope it's not dragging on too much- I don't want it to get mundane so let me know if it starts feeling sluggish._

The big questions are... Will she come back? Will WooBin confess to what really happened (remember, YiJung doesn't know!)... Is the wedding really on hold? I'm not letting any secrets out so you'll have to stay tuned hehe

Also, I apologize for another depressing chapter. Please read something else after this to cheer you up ^^


	18. Forgive Me

_I'm back! I worked like nuts on this and halfway through I realized that this fiction has just taken on a life of it's own. Really, when I started I was worried about having enough interesting plots to tie in. Anyways, here's the update and before I give to much away I will let you go ahead and read ^^_

* * *

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 18: Forgive Me**

He awoke so suddenly that though for sure someone must have been shaking him. Panicky, WooBin looked to his right for what seemed the thousandth time to find that YiJung was still sleeping. His face was still rather pale and his locks unkempt but he looked comfortable at least. Breathing a sigh of relief the prince lay back down on the bed once morebefore he realized that his phone was softly ringing from inside his pocket.

He didn't recognize the number, but whoever it was had called four times already and must have been the reason for his sudden jolt from sleep. He watched as the screen lit up once again, rubbing his eyes tiredly and dragging himself off the bed.

As he entered the kitchen he pressed "receive" bringing the phone to his ear with a yawn. "Yoboseyo?"

"You're lucky we're giving you a second chance."

He recognized the voice immediately and a strange feeling welled up inside him. "Ya, who is this?" he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. The phone call on vacation he had flustered him but he passed it off rather easily. The occurrence of a second call however, made him especially uneasy.

"Pass the message along or else," the man on the other line continued.

"I'm not involved," he repeated, hanging up before there was anything else for the man to say. Frustrated, he leaned against the counter. His head hurt, crying out from the sleep deprivation and constant worry that he'd been subjected to for the past twenty-four hours. He didn't even want to think about the mess his father might be involved in in a time like this. There were more important things than that man's dirty work.

His phone rang again. He threw his hands up in defeat- this was much more than he wanted this morning. Snapping it open angrily he growled at the caller "Stop calling me!"

There was a good moment of silence before a different voice answered- a much friendlier voice. "Ah… WooBin-ah?"

WooBin blinked and exhaled slowly as he grounded himself again, realizing that it was his friend on the other line. "Oh. JiHoo, mianhe. Is something wrong?"

"Ani, I'm just outside, can you let me in?"

Confused he nodded even though he couldn't quite grasp everything that just happened. "Oh, yeah. O-of course."

He went to the back door, through the studio to let him in. "What are you-" he asked puzzled at the sudden appearance of the young doctor.

"Thought I'd give you a break." JiHoo replied with a smile. "Gwaenchana? You seemed awfully tense just there. Rough night last night?"

"Ah it's just some phone calls I keep receiving. Wrong number or something," he muttered, scratching the back of his neck and trying to act normally. The last thing he needed was for JiHoo to think he was going to snap again.

"You look exhausted."

"Yeah well it was a late night. The nausea seemed to leave near midnight and then it just took a while for him to go to sleep."

"Ne, well I figured you wouldn't sleep much even if he did. I'm right aren't I?" He looked at him with an approving smile.

"Ne," WooBin admitted sheepishly.

"I can stay for a few hours so go home and get some rest, eat something, take a shower, change. Take a break." The slender man patted him on the shoulder, entering the kitchen and making it pretty clear he wasn't about to leave anytime soon.

"I can do all that here." WooBin insisted, reluctant to give up his post.

"Anyo, I know you won't do any of that if you stay. You need to actually physically leave or you won't be able to let yourself have a break."

WooBin frowned even though he knew it was the truth.

"Ya," JiHoo assured him, "You've done more than enough already. Just rest for a few hours so that you can be able to come back and stay with him tonight, araso?"

His heart said no but the dull feeling behind his eyes told him it was a good idea. "Just for a few hours," he conceded. "But I'm coming back tonight."

JiHoo laughed again with that infamous smile of his. "Well I knew that already. I have to go to the hospital for seven o'clock so come back by then, ne?"

He nodded, turning to go but stopping, slightly embarrassed. "Ah can you- uh, can you tell him I wanted to stay."

"Between you and me I think he already know, but I will." JiHoo promised sincerely.

"Ah… The binder with all the emergency contacts, information sheets, and medication guidelines is on the counter in the kitchen."

"Araso."

"And he hasn't eaten since yesterday morning so make sure he gets something."

"Araso."

"And water, he needs to stay hydrated."

"Araso." JiHoo gave him a gentle push towards the door. "I'm a doctor, remember?"

"Kurae. Call me if you have any questions."

"What are you, an appa leaving his child? We'll be fine."

"I mean it," he warned the violinist.

"I know. Just get out of here WooBin," JiHoo chortled as he nicely, but firmly kicked him out of the house and closed the door behind him.

Jamming his hands in his pockets the prince somewhat sulkily fished out his keys.

"I'll see you at seven!"

* * *

She was surprised to see a familiar face appear in her classroom doorway at the end of the day; it was only the second time she'd received a visitor at work.

"Oh, JanDi-ah." GaEul greeted her friend.

"Anneyong!" She looked around the room, eyes wide. "It's so pretty in here!"

GaEul nodded watching as JanDi walked around the perimeter of the room. "Gomawo."

"Did the children make these?" She pointed to a series of drawing on the colorful bulletin board.

"Ne."

"Ah, kyo! These are pictures of you! But you're not alone… this man-"

GaEul swallowed hard. "YiJung-ah," she whispered softly.

JanDi turned away from the board, taking her friend's hand in hers. "You can still call him, he's probably waiting to hear from you."

She pulled away instantly. "I can't…"

"Wae? You love each other. You can get through this, we're all behind you." She pleaded reaching out again.

"Don't you get it? WooBin sunbae was right, I'm nothing more than a negative influence. I can see it JanDi, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. He's scared." She raised her voice loud enough to make a point, but not too loud for the walls of the room were thin.

"We're all scared GaEul." JanDi quetly replied edging closer to her.

GaEul let her shoulders fall, biting back the tears that were returning. "Ani, he's not scared for himself. He's scared for… me. I can't ask him to keep doing that for me."

"Hajiman… he needs you by his side."

"Ani, he needs to get well. He can't do that with me by his side. Because I'm lacking and I can't hide my emotions he has a lot of stress."

"GaEul," JanDi tried once more. "You don't have to be this way."

GaEul paused to stubbornly wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Because I can't be strong beside him I have to be strong in staying away until he gets better. It's all I can do."

* * *

As much as he wanted to relax once home, it wasn't possible. Things in the Song manor were hushed, secretive, and uncomfortable for WooBin. Well-dressed "businessmen" spent most of the afternoon entering and exiting with grim faces and the tension emanating from the large meeting hall in the basement grew more and more tangible by the second.

He still hadn't forgotten about his unexpected wake-up call either. The whole situation really didn't sit well with him and by the time six thirty rolled around he was more than happy to be leaving the house. The night was dark already, the autumn season slowly reaching it's midpoint and the gentle chill of fall air settling in. Pulling on his jacket and gloves, WooBin decided to walk; it wasn't terribly far to YiJung's house and he needed to clear his head. Unfortunately, he was so preoccupied with the night sky that he didn't even see the men in black following him from the moment he left the gate.

The first blow was to his head, it came as he rounded his first corner and it left him stunned and with the world spinning dangerously beneath his feet. Strong arms dragged him to the side and rammed him up against a brick wall with surprising force.

"I told you to listen." A voice growled harshly, just inches from his face.

Blinking, he tried to refocus his vision. It had been a while since he'd dealt with confrontation, but he could still recognize what was going on. Three or four, possibly more, suited men stood around him, trapping him in the corner of the alley. They all looked the same and they all were obviously under the control of the elected boss who stood before him. Just like his father's crew, these were exactly the kind of men he despised.

"I'm not involved," he hissed, looking the one that faced him square in the eye with defiance. "How long will it take you to realize that?"

"Idiot!"

The force of the sudden second blow left him with a throbbing jaw and he licked his lips and tasted blood. Spitting it on the ground, he refused to let them think he was part of his father's plan. A beating he could deal with, the destruction of a clean reputation he'd carefully protected for the past four years he could not.

"I don't know anything my father does. I choose to stay out of it."

He winced slightly as his hair was roughly grabbed and his face was forced close to his attacker's mouth. He could smell the alcohol and cigar smoke from his teeth and his stomach churned.

"Doesn't look like you've much of a choice anymore now does it?" The leader smirked. "Consider this your second warning _Song WooBin."_

The third blow took his breath and he tried helplessly to make his body take in oxygen but a foot collided with his ribs making him recoil into a ball. The kick was followed by another and another and another until he lost count. Gasping, he tried to choke out the words that he wanted to desperately for everyone to realize. "I'm not… like… him…"

Between jagged breaths he felt the fists and feet cease their rampage, heard the maniacal laughter of his attackers fade into the distance, and smelled the metallic sheen of blood on the pavement. The ground grew hazy before him and he felt the lonely wind blow across his torn jacket. He was alone, misunderstood, and hurt and that was as far as his thoughts got before his world faded to black.

* * *

He was running out of time before he had to be at work and there was no sign of WooBin. Looking at the clock, JiHoo frowned. It wasn't like the prince to be late or to not show or to not at least call with an explanation for his absence.

"Stop worrying." YiJung told him as he rinsed off the plates from dinner."I'm not five, you guys don't need to babysit me all the time."

JiHoo didn't reply, too occupied with trying to decide if he should call his attending or leave the potter's house and trust that WooBin was going to show.

Drying his hands, YiJung put the plates back in the cabinet before turning to his friend. "Ya, JiHoo-ah… I appreciate it, I really do. But you know can't be late."

JiHoo nodded. It was true, as a resident he had an obligation to be there for his shift.

"I'll be fine on my own, I feel a lot better today," YiJung insisted.

He eyed the potter closely, checking to make sure he really did seem all right. The day had gone well; they had spent time playing games and YiJung had even managed to eat a fair portion of both his lunch and dinner. Still though, he couldn't help but recognize that YiJung wasn't quite back to himself. He just seemed so… mellow.

"You're going to be really late soon," the potter commented, looking at his phone absentmindedly. He'd been doing that all day. JiHoo knew he was waiting for GaEul to contact him. Several times he had noticed him staring at the screensaver with a sad look on his brow. He had snuck a peek at the phone when YiJung had been showering and discovered that it was set to a photo from vacation- GaEul smiling in front of the sun going down at the pier.

"Ya, she'll call."

"I know he will, he probably just forgot it or something." YiJung replied, still staring at his phone and completely missing the fact that JiHoo was referencing GaEul.

"Araso, I'll be leaving now then. You call me if he doesn't show or if you need anything."

"I will."

As he left, he tried to call WooBin once more because something felt wrong inside. _Song WooBin, where are you?_

* * *

Alone in the empty house, he became increasingly anxious with every second of boredom. Kneading a ball of clay before him, YiJung gave up and slammed his hands down on the table in frustration. Usually the clay brought him relief from stress and tension, but he was so hindered by the physical weakness that affected his arms and hands that it did nothing but make him more upset.

WooBin still wasn't responding. It was close to ten o'clock and he had neither showed nor answered any of his texts or calls. He wasn't sure why, but it was pissing him off that nobody seemed to have time for him. He had tried the others only to find that none of them could take his calls either. JiHoo was busy on call, JunPyo was in an important business meeting, and JanDi was at GaEul's house undoubtedly ignoring his calls.

He knew that none of his anger had anything to do with his friends and everything to do with his condition. And image of GaEul's face frightened and pale before she burst into tears had haunted him since the moment JiHoo had driven away leaving him with nothing but his own pessimistic thoughts. He remembered how she had cried, howled, fallen to the ground, and collapsed to the ground the day he was diagnosed. He remembered the worried overtone in her voice whenever he grew too silent or looked too tired. He remembered the way she would run to his side whenever she arrived after school. He remembered the way she volunteered to take days off for him.

YiJung felt guilty.

It was because of him she fretted, cried, toiled, and worried. She was willing to risk her job, her time, and her well-being to stand beside him. He tore into the clay before him, hurling pieces at the floor before him. One after another until there were globs everywhere and his muscles were too exhausted to keep moving. He was making her hurt and he hated it. He had played with her heart and then given it to her. He had left for years and then returned only to become this- a man with nothing to give his lover but pain.

A very irrational thought came to his head. As irrational as it was he knew it was right. As irrational as it was, it was the only way out. He kicked over the bench in frustration.

Fumbling for his phone called the one person who could tell him what to do. The one person who could stop him from being an idiot. Shaking he dialed the number a third time. And a fourth. And a fifth.

Nothing.

Throwing the phone against the bed he grabbed a pen, and a sheet of paper. The clay on his hands marred it's white surface with ugly streaks of brown. With a deep breath he touched the tip to the first line ignoring the mess.

_GaEul,_

_Mianhe. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I can't be the man you need me to be right now. All I seem to be able to give you is pain. Perhaps we weren't soul-mates after all. Maybe we just wanted something that should have ended years ago. You need to find the right guy for you and be happy with him. I'm sorry it wasn't me. I can't keep hurting you. Don't wait for me to be well anymore. Mianhe._

After he had managed to scrawl her name the rest had simply poured forth. He didn't think, just wrote what was in his head. He didn't want to read it, he knew it was harsh and could shred her heart but how would that be any worse than what he was already doing?Closing his eyes he let a tear slide down his nose and watched it blossom across the page. What he was about to do he didn't want to, but he knew it was for the best.

He called WooBin one last time, half-hoping to be talked out of it.

There was no answer.

Sighing he picked up the note with shaking hands.

_GaEul, forgive me…_

* * *

_Forgive me readers for writing another depressing chapter.  
I promise there is SoEul interaction coming back soon, but for now I'm sure there are plenty of comments after this one... (Ducks behind laptop to avoid all the shrieks and pleading).  
But really, I want to hear everyone's thoughts... the rest of the plot is by no means set in stone. I know where it is going but I can still be influenced *smirk*_

Also, just for fun...  
What's your favorite chapter or moment so far. If there's one that stands out I'll go back and re-read to see what worked well in terms of style, etc.


	19. I'll Stay

_It's the weekend! What's better than a Saturday and an update!^^_

* * *

**Through Muddy Water****  
Chapter 19: I'll Stay**

He was having trouble sleeping again, his body confused by the random hours of his residency.

JiHoo stared at the ceiling, eyes tracing the smooth white surface that stretched above him and brain not quite ready to settle for the night. Sighing, he tried to clear his mind and concentrate on the slow steadiness of his relaxed breathing.

Everything was quiet except for a soft banging noise that he couldn't get out of his head. It almost sounded like something being tossed against the house by the wind but the night was clear and free of even a small breeze. Giving up on sleeping, he rolled from his bed, donned his slippers and padded down the hallway. Squinting through the dark, he peered into his courtyard curiously.

There was a shadowy figure visible just beyond the glass. Breath catching in his throat, he watched whoever it was intently. Strangers never wandered to his residence, the gate was locked and only he and his staff knew the code- well the staff and his friends. Approaching the front door, he could see the intruder more clearly in the moonlight and his heart skipped a beat.

He yanked the door open, stumbling into the cold autumn air. "WooBin-ah?"

The prince stopped, lifting his head.

JiHoo's eyes widened when he saw his friend's face and he swore loudly. He felt the need to pinch himself to make sure what he was seeing was real. "_What happened to you?"_

"They were waiting… on the way to YiJung-ah's. I couldn't s-s-stop them." The prince shivered, hunched over in an awful way.

JiHoo quickly grabbed hold of his jacket, afraid WooBin would collapse right in front of him. "We have to go to the hospital," he murmured.

"Anyo, I'm fine," WooBin protested, resisting the hold rather defiantly despite his obviously fragile state.

JiHoo's mind was racing as he took in the situation. If WooBin had been attacked on the way to YiJung's, then he would have had to walk at least a mile to end up standing before him. It was a miracle he hadn't collapsed already, yet here he was refusing to go to the hospital.

WooBin drew a shaky breath, gripping JiHoo's t-shirt and trying to stand a bit straighter. In the moonlight JiHoo could the sickening glint of blood.

"You're not fine. How the hell is this fine? Aish! Let's get you inside." He pulled the injured man's arm over his shoulders, deciding to at least get him cleaned up and his injuries assessed before pushing the idea of the hospital again.

This idea, WooBin was compliant for and as JiHoo lowered him onto the chair in the kitchen he looked rather relieved to be off his feet.

"Stay put," he commanded.

The prince nodded soundlessly. Thankfully, it seemed as if now that he'd been brought inside he was coming around to the idea of being helped.

Hands shaking, JiHoo filled a bowl with warm water and took out a few clean cloths. He'd treated plenty of fight victims before, but this time it was WooBin and they weren't at a hospital where there was a feeling of security.

He put the bowl on the table. WooBin was still there, slightly bent over and holding his side. Of all the F4, he was the last one that JiHoo could have imagined to need his help. The sight came in second on his list of unsettling events of the past month.

From the bathroom he pulled assorted bandages and tape, mentally making a checklist of all the things he would need to check for. There were a million and one things that could make WooBin's condition critical but he was trying not to worry about that just yet.

Sitting beside his friend, still in his pajamas, he decided to work his way down beginning with the prince's face. Carefully he wiped away the first streaks of dried blood and dirt. There were no open wounds but plenty of already formed bruises and- dear god, shoeprints? He swore again, gently palpating the skin for any deformities.

WooBin was incredibly cooperative until he reached the left cheek. As soon as he touched the area, the prince winced and immediately pulled away.

JiHoo put his hands down and bit his lip. "You probably broke your zygomatic arch. We really should take you to the hospital."

"Ani… Jebal. I came here because I didn't want to go," he insisted rather stubbornly shaking his head and then wincing at the movement.

"I've already found a fracture and I haven't even checked past your face."

"Andwae. That's what they want." He squirmed in the seat as JiHoo dabbed at his neck.

"What who wants?" JiHoo asked, pushing him gently back into the chair and continuing to clean his dirtied face. His blood boiled at the thought of anyone daring to inflict such pain on his friend.

Leaning back in the chair WooBin mumbled an incoherent answer, his eyes fluttering closed. Looking at him, JiHoo swore yet another time.

"Ya, you have to stay awake for now." He gave him a small shake which jolted the injured man awake.

"Hajima," he groaned while rubbing his side.

"You're going to have to put up with me for just a bit longer. Follow my finger," he ordered while moving his hand from side to side.

WooBin tracked it easily with no abnormalities- a good sign. With a sigh, the young doctor relaxed a bit; it looked like the worst of his head injuries was a mild concussion. As he continued cleaning the caked blood that undoubtedly was the result of a blow to the nose, the prince grabbed his hand and looked at him quite seriously. "I'm not like my appa."

"I know that." JiHoo confirmed, taking his hand and gently cleaning that too. There wasn't a single wound across the knuckles and he wondered when and why WooBin had decided not to fight back.

"They didn't listen, they didn't believe me," he continued as JiHoo lifted his chin to inspect his bruised jaw. "I told them I'm not involved. I'm not like him. They didn't believe me."

"Well I do, I believe you. I know you're not like him."

He stopped talking after that, letting JiHoo check his collarbone and arms without a peep. Everything else seemed alright. Pressing an icepack to the prince's jaw he sat back and frowned again. He wanted to go to the hospital but he knew that WooBin was probably right. Whoever he had gotten mixed up with was probably dangerous enough to warrant caution.

"Araso, you need new clothes," he decided, trying not to second guess his decision. "Think you can make it to the bedroom?"

With help, the two successfully reached the next room. Rifling through his drawers JiHoo found a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, handing them over.

"These should fit."

Nodding, WooBin began to slowly unbutton his shirt. JiHoo saw him flinch as he moved too suddenly.

"Gwaenchana?" Obviously not, but he knew WooBin understood the question.

"It hurts."

"Let me see." Unbuttoning the rest of the shirt, he felt along his ribs and the prince gave a sharp intake of breath. They weren't broken, but probably cracked and definitely bruised. There wasn't any sign of internal bleeding however.

"I'm going to get you some painkillers, change out of those clothes and lie down, araso?"

"Araso."

Gathering the prince's jacket, shirt, and shoes he took them into the bathroom. Inspecting the jacket first, he determined it wasn't worth trying to save. It's not like it was an issue to buy a new one. That fact was true for the rest of the clothes as well. Sighing, he rummaged through the pockets to gather WooBin's personal items before tossing them into the trash.

Something fell to the floor with a thunk.

Picking up the cell phone, he saw that the screen was slightly cracked, although not enough to stop him from reading the display. There were seventeen missed calls- five from him earlier and another twelve from YiJung.

_Yijung_. He realized suddenly. _YiJung's been alone this whole time._

JiHoo tried not to panic. Usually he was quite level headed but today seemed had proved to be quite ridiculous. Rationally, if there was an emergency YiJung would call someone else, right?

Flipping open the phone again he checked the inbox. There was one new message.

_I can't hurt GaEul any more. Unless you talk me out of it I'm going to end things for good._

His blood froze, unsure of what to make of the words. Confused, he went back to the bedroom to talk to WooBin. Knocking lightly on the door, he entered when there was no reply. The prince was already asleep, curled around his injured side with the ice tucked under his jaw. He looked halfway comfortable and JiHoo certainly wasn't about to wake him after all he'd been through that night.

He stood unsure of himself, suddenly between a rock and a hard place. He couldn't leave WooBin in such a condition but he also couldn't dismiss the text he had just read. Trembling he fished his own phone out of his pocket, holding down the first speed dial and praying for an answer on the other end.

* * *

An obnoxious buzzing noise was harassing him in his sleep. JunPyo whimpered, rolling about trying to get away from the sound. He _hated_ buzzing insects with a passion potentially surpassed even his love for JanDi. The buzzing didn't stop and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up at the thought of them being in his room.

"Aish!" he shouted, sitting up and swinging a pillow around his head to keep the bugs away. It took him a few minutes to realize that it was actually his phone that was supplying the noise. Snatching it from the bedside table he sincerely hoped for the person on the other end's sake that there was a reason for calling in the middle of the night.

"WAE?" He shouted unhappily.

There was a pause and then, "Ya, JunPyo."

"JiHoo-ah… waeee?" he whined, flopping back against the pillows.

"I need you to go to YiJung's." There was an unusual hesitation to his words that made JunPyo sit upright once again.

"Bwoh? What's going on?" He was fully awake now.

"WooBin was attacked."

"Attacked? Ya, you're messing with me aren't you." He figured it had to be a joke because none of what JiHoo was saying made any sense.

"Ani. He's here, with me now. He's hurt, but he'll be alright. I took care of it and he's resting… But I need you to go to YiJung's _now_."

"Wae?" He asked, fumbling around for a pair of pants and trying to balance the phone in his ear.

"He tried to call WooBin twelve times. He left a message and I don't know what it means but I'm worried about him alone over there. He hasn't tried to call you?"

"Ani, he hasn't called." JunPyo replied, struggling his way into a long sleeved shirt.

"I'd go but- WooBin. Are you-"

"I'm on my way out the door already," WooBin interrupted, jamming his feet into the first pair of shoes he saw. "I'll call you when I get there."

"Gomawo."

"Ne."

He was glad that there weren't any police on the road because he for sure would have been pulled over for speeding. Practically skidding his way into the curb, he parked and strode swiftly to the gate. Ignoring the lock, he kicked it open. He could pay for it to be fixed later.

"YiJung!" he bellowed, working his way through the studio. "YiJung!"

The house seemed eerily quiet but nothing was out of place. For a moment he thought maybe everything was one big overreaction. _JiHoo must have read the text wrong. YiJung's probably just sleeping._ He yawned, looking around the darkened room.

In his periphery, he spied piece of paper sitting on the table. Picking it up, he read it with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Angrily crushing it in his fist, he headed straight for the bedroom, shouting YiJung's name again.

"Ya, YiJung," JunPyo shook the sleeping potter rather roughly trying to wake him up. "YiJung-ah, wake up!"

With a shudder, YiJung opened his eyes and looked around quite confusedly.

"JunPyo…"

"What did you do?" he asked frantically, throwing about the bedcovers and grabbing YiJung's small wrists.

The potter pulled away from him, looking somewhat frightened at his outburst. "What are you-"

"What the hell is this about?" JunPyo half-shouted, shoving the piece of paper before him, scared completely out of his mind of the answer he was going to receive.

YiJungs face crumpled almost immediately and he turned away, pulling the covers back over his head. "I couldn't do it," he admitted softly from beneath his hiding place.

For a moment JunPyo was at a complete loss for words. He sank into a seated position at the side of the bed putting his head in his hands. "Ya, you're going to get better. You can't just-" he began, unsure of what to say.

"I couldn't break up with her."

"Bwoh?" He jerked upright, practically snapping his neck.

"I couldn't tell her it was over. I wrote it down and everything so I could just get through it but in the end I just couldn't. I didn't even dial her number… I just couldn't," came the miserable explanation from beneath the sheets.

JunPyo exhaled, a wave of relief washing over him. He felt so silly for overreacting but he really had expected the worst and he unfortunately because of the situation, his fears were justified. "So this note… this is about GaEul."

"Ne."

"Aish!" He kicked the floor angrily. "Pabo!"

YiJung rolled over and peeked out from under the blankets. "You thought I was going to hurt myself? I'm not that out of my mind."

JunPyo stopped his tantrum to look at the potter apologetically. "Mianhe, I just- with everything going on… and then JiHoo-ah got me all worried."

"JiHoo?"

"Ah, ne. Woobin called him."

YiJung looked upset at this piece of news. "Oh jeongmal, he called JiHoo..."

"Ne, it was late and he didn't want to wake you. He's not feeling well and that's why he didn't come back and missed your calls. He's been sleeping all day." It was only a partial lie he supposed, but he had no choice but to lie. It wouldn't do YiJung any good to know the truth.

"Oh." He sat up slowly, checking his phone again. "You think I'm crazy."

"Anyo," JunPyo playfully swung at him. "If it was me and JanDi…" he trailed off realizing that it was impossible for him to even fathom such a tragedy. He wanted to have something comforting and note-worthy to say but the words just weren't there. "Honestly, I don't know what I'd do."

"It's okay. It's a weird situation."

JunPyo nodded, looking down at the floor. "Don't let her go YiJung-ah. She'll come around, you have to hold on. If you let her go you'll regret it."

"Did you ever want to give up, when you were so far away?"

"Ne. But I was stubborn and I kept remembering that look in her eyes when she said she loved me. Even when she tried to make me believe that it was over and ran away to that fishing village I knew it was a lie. My heart knew it was a lie, her eyes showed it was a lie."

He could feel YiJung looking at him intently and he turned with a smile.

"She loves you. She might be frightened and unable to be next to you for now but she will come around. When you love someone you can't let them go."

YiJung yawned, nodding and looking melancholy.

"Aish, it's three in the morning. Go back to sleep." He felt weird realizing that he had just poured some of his soul out in front of the potter. It wasn't a bad feeling, really just strange. He felt a hand on his arm.

"Stay? It's lonely here alone."

He wanted to cry at how pitiful the request was. The whole dynamic of their friendship was foreign anf turned upside-down. It didn't seem fair that this once confident Casanova was now heartbroken, sick, and lonely. He was not used to comforting friends, especially other guys. The only time he's done it before was when JiHoo's grandfather had passed the year previous and even that had been incredibly awkward. But if staying was what was needed of him then, then stay he would.

"Araso, I'll stay. I'll stay."

* * *

Her friend slept curled into a ball, tightly hugging the comforters to her chest like a little girl. Even in the moonlight she could see the tracks where tears had slipped down the young teacher's cheeks.

JanDi sighed, shrugging off her hospital clothes and watching GaEul from across the room. She wished so badly for time to reverse itself so that none of this mess would had ever happened. _When will they get their happy ending?_ she wondered silently.

Pulling on her pajamas, she jumped as her phone rang loudly. Immediately silencing it she slipped into the bathroom of the tiny apartment.

"JunPyo?"

"Jagiya… you got out on time." It still sounded so magical the way he called her that. Of all the things she missed while he was away, his voice was at the top.

"Ne, why are you still awake?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice."

"You waited up just for that? It's almost four." It was endearing the way he was always waiting for time with her, but it seemed overboard if he had waited into the night like this.

"Ani… It's been a crazy night."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Anyo… well not now, I will tomorrow I promise. I'm just at YiJung's for the night, he's… lonely." She could hear the stress in his voice and she knew he was uncomfortable.

"Chincha? Do you need me to come."

"Ani, stay with GaEul- she needs you. I'll be home tomorrow."

"JanDi-ah…" he said rather vaguely.

"Mmm?"

"He really loves her."

JanDi sighed, thinking about poor, broken GaEul in the other room. "She really loves him too JunPyo."

There was a break in the conversation, neither knowing what to say or do. It was the worst place to be in, a position of helplessness and inability to make things right.

"JanDi-ah?" she heard him whisper softly through the phone.

"Ne."

"I'm glad we were so stubborn. I'm glad that I held on."

"Me too," she whispered back, a tear leaking from her eye. "Saranghaeyo."

"Na-do saranghae, get some sleep Jagiya."

"You too," she yawned.

"Araso," he laughed quietly. And JanDi-ah…"

"Mmm?"

"They'll figure it out… Love always works things out."

* * *

_Sorry about the lack of SoEul again. But there was a JanDi/JunPyo moment!  
Bad news first (like GaEul would want, ne?)... Probably the only update this weekend because I have a 10-20 page paper that is due Monday .  
Good news... Within the next 2 chapters or so we will have some SoEul action, will things get better or worse for our favorite couple? Can love really always work things out?_

_Special thanks to pers3as, Aesha, and the lovely nyrac6275. You guys make writing this so wonderful. Your comments absolutely made my day, seriously they are some of the most helpful and pertient reviews I've ever received. I'm so blessed to have reviewers that speak their mind about part of the story that make an impact or give solid feedback. It has really helped me progress as a writer and helped the story progress as well. Saranghamnida!_

Thanks all again for reading and sharing your thoughts, please continue to support... I'll work hard for you ^^  



	20. I Don't Want to Talk About It

_Ahhh sorry my poor readers! Senior year of college has been beating me over the head and then writers block came along and everything went to pieces. Anyhow, here's a new chapter. I don't know how happy I am with it. This was the hardest one to write for some reason so please leave me some thoughts at the end. Then if I can fix it up I'll know what to pinpoint, thanks!_

* * *

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 20: I Don't Want to Talk About It**

When he opened his eyes the next morning, he immediately regretted waking up.

WooBin's head throbbed uncomfortably and he groaned, stretching out across the mattress. He winced when he realized that the pain wasn't just isolated to his aching skull. Holding his side which hurt more than anything else, he slowly sat up. The bed he was in wasn't his own, neither was the room. He was temporarily confused and from the way his head felt he could tell that he was nursing a concussion.

Closing his eyes, he vaguely remembered regaining consciousness, staggering his was out of the alley and down the street, and then by some miracle making it to his intended destination before someone held him up long enough to take him inside and clean him up. Someone had put ice on his aching bruised, given him clean clothes, and put him in bed.

"JiHoo…" he breathed opening his eyes. He was glad it was JiHoo really, he was the most calm in the group. YiJung would have gone all emotional on him and YiJung would have worried too much.

Swinging his legs to the bed he laughed softly at the fact that the pants he wore were a few inches short. It was a weird thing to find funny but he smiled anyways. Ever so slowly he forced his sore body to stand shuffled down the hall.

"Oh, you're awake." JiHoo looked up from where was sitting at the table, casually flipping through some sort of magazine or journal.

"Ne." WooBin looked at the ground, embarrassed.

Rising, JiHoo pulled out the chair closest to him. "You should sit."

WooBin nodded gratefully and easing into it gently, trying to avoid as much movement as possible. He put his elbows on the table and rubbed his temples hoping his headache would calm down.

"Yoegi… Eat that then take these." The young doctor put a hot bowl of porridge in front of him along with a glass of water and two white pills.

He looked at the food, his stomach grumbling hungrily at the mere sight of it."Gomawo."

"You want to talk about it?" He could feel JiHoo's eyes trying to connect with his and in turn, he tried to avoid them at all costs.

"Not really," he murmured, looking down and stirring the porridge slowly.

JiHoo leaned against the table, still looking at him. "WooBin. I'm not going to make you talk now but you know do need to talk about it, right?"

He had hoped that the conversation would have ended there but even so he knew that JiHoo was right to not let it pass over. He didn't think he could ignore it if one of the F4 stumbled his way to his house in his present condition. Sighing, he spooned some of the porridge into his mouth. It was surprisingly good and he resisted the urge to greedily shovel it down.

"My father- he's up to something again," he began between bites. "And whoever he's entangled with knows that I'm the next in the family line so naturally they came after me to get his attention." He put the spoon down, taking the pills in his mouth and washing them away with the water. "But it doesn't matter because I'm not involved," he added quickly, stuffing more of his breakfast into his mouth.

"If you're not involved, then what was last night?" JiHoo asked gently.

WooBin stiffened automatically at his words, putting his spoon down and shaking his head. "Don't."

"Wae?"

"I'm not like him." He repeated. He wondered how many times he would have to repeat himself before someone believed him.

"I never said you were," was the soft reply. There was a silence that filled the room as neither man spoke. JiHoo took a step back, giving WooBin space and taking up a seat on the far end of the table. "Look, WooBin-ah… whether you want to be or not, _they've_ involved you."

It made him uneasy to think that JiHoo was correct. He could feel his mouth get dry as he thought about it. "Just stop... jebal."

"Ya, you're the one who came here last night. I can help you- we can help."

"No one else needs to know," he retorted rather threateningly, pushing the bowl away in defiance. After living alone for the past four years he didn't know how else to react to this situation and he felt himself falling into his default defense mode.

"I know how this must feel…" JiHoo tried.

"You don't know." He half yelled standing up and instantly hissing as the pain in his side retaliated against the sudden motion. "I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it," he managed through clenched teeth.

"Araso, we won't talk about this now." JiHoo conceded, approaching him and putting out a helping hand.

"JiHoo-ah," he whispered straightening up once more and finding the courage to meet the doctor's eyes.

"Gomawo- for uh… taking care of me."

"I know."

"I still feel like I'm on my own. I know you're all back now but…"

JiHoo shook his head to silence him. "I know, but we're not going anywhere now so take care of yourself. I don't know what we'd do without you-especially YiJung."

"Oh, YiJung-ah." He looked up and suddenly realized where he had been headed before the attack.

JiHoo gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry, JunPyo's over there."

"Oh, Chincha?" It made sense because JiHoo was here with him, but WooBin had a hard time imagining JunPyo and YiJung spending time together alone.

"Mmm. He went to keep him company last night. He called this morning and said everything was just fine."

"Was he… asking about me?" He knew he had probably made YiJung worry all night but he wanted to make sure he wasn't forgotten.

"Are you kidding?" JiHoo raised an eyebrow.

He looked at him, anticipating an answer.

"Of course pabo, that must have been some whack on the head to make you think he wouldn't ask about you."

WooBin smiled, feeling a bit foolish for his insecurity. "Does he know… about last night?"

"Anyo. We said you were sick and didn't want to risk being around him. It should buy you a few days to rest up. If you can stay away for that long," he teased playfully.

"I'll try," he said quite seriously before cracking a grin as well.

"Ah well…" JiHoo smiled, looking down at WooBin's exposed shins. "I had to throw away most of your clothes. Shall we go get you a more suitable outfit?"

Nodding, he finished his water already feeling better about the day.

"Ga Ja!"

* * *

It was rather nice to work in a different environment; YiJung's kitchen was open, airy, and bright which made him feel comfortable and productive.

JunPyo read over the forms in front of him, feeling the sun's warmth on the paper underneath his fingertips. He couldn't believe how accustomed to the workload he had become. Of course it was challenging, but nearly as much as it had been when he first took over the business.

"What smells so strong?"

He looked up to see JunPyo in the doorway, nose wrinkled.

"Smell? What smell?" He had no clue what YiJung was talking about.

"Did you make breakfast?"

"Ne."

"That must be it," the potter commented, yawning and joining him at the table.

"Ya, I'm a pretty good cook you know. JanDi taught me a lot too." He narrowed his eyes defensively.

YiJung laughed at his expression. "I didn't say it smelled bad. My sense of smell is just heightened since I started treatment."

"Oh." He kept learning new things about the potter's chemo every day. Some of it was scary, some of it was helpful, and some of it was just odd little facts like this one.

YiJung yawned again, looking around lazily. "What time is it?"

"Around one."

JunPyo swore he saw his friend's jaw drop. He laughed at the reaction, remembering the days where it was the opposite and he was the one sleeping in.

"You're kidding."

"Aniyo. Look," he leaned over and flashed him his watch.

YiJung groaned unhappily. "I slept so much."

"You were tired. We were up pretty late. I only got here around three in the morning. Cut yourself some slack," JunPyo reassured him, neatly gathering his papers and placing them back in his briefcase. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really, maybe in a bit. I should go wash up."

"Araso," he shifted in his seat slightly uncomfortable with the next question. "Uh… JiHoo said you have to uh- clean your central line. He said something about a binder with instructions."

"Oh, ne." YiJung nodded like it was no big deal at all. "The information's on my desk but I can walk you through it. It's not that difficult. I'll just go change and then bring everything out here."

JunPyo nodded, still a bit flustered at the prospect of handling such an important task. He was also confused by the potter's willingness to be helped. This was certainly a different YiJung than he knew, but then again he realized he never really _knew _YiJung- at least not like WooBin knew him.

As he left, the potter paused at the door, turning around. "About last night…"

JunPyo shook his head. "Don't you dare apologize."

A long time ago he might have felt like he was owed an apology but not now. He wasn't sure when he started to change, but in the past few weeks back in Korea he was slowly becoming a better friend, fiance, and man.

"JunPyo." YiJung looked back again.

"Ne?"

"Gomawo."

"Aish! Just go get dressed already." He smiled through the mock annoyance. His face grew warm with slight embarrassment but all the same, he was happy to hear that he was appreciated.

YiJung smiled again. "Araso, araso. What are you in a hurry to go somewhere? I'm not keeping you from JanDi right?"

"Anyo."

YiJung surveyed him closely, suddenly frowning. "You must have a lot to do with the wedding coming up."

"Ne," he lied, not willing to tell him the truth. "But the staff's handling a lot and well- you know my mother. I'm sure everything is right on schedule."

He could tell by the look on the potter's face that YiJung seemed to find his statement quite amusing. "You know, I never imagined the great chairwoman Kang would be planning the wedding of Goo JunPyo and Guem Jan Di."

"It is something isn't it. Hard to believe she used to spend her days scheming of ways to get rid of her." He smiled fondly at the memory shaking his head in disbelief. They shared comfortable and familiar laughter for a few moments before JunPyo briefly checked his watch. "Ya! Not ready yet? Get going." He shooed his friend with his hands.

"Ya," YiJung laughed, "Chincha? Jugulle*?"

"Aish… " he exclaimed, "using my own expressions against me now are you." He raised an eyebrow trying to hold back his good mood and portray an air of coolness.

YiJung simply rolled his eyes and put his hands in the air. "I'm going, I'm going."

* * *

The night air was refreshing and the freedom of being by himself rejuvenated his mind a little bit.

It wasn't that JunPyo hadn't enjoyed the day at the So residence, it was just that it had taken quite a lot of deliberate action for JunPyo to get through the day. Between nervously learning how to care for someone sick and awkwardly trying to return to a friendship that had been on hiatus for four years, he was ready to have a break.

His phone range and he glanced at the screen before answering.

"Oh JiHoo-ah, I'm just leaving YiJung's now."

"Chincha?"

"Ne, he said he was going to sleep and he'd be fine for the night. I reminded him that you'll be there in the morning to pick him up."

"Gomawo."

"How is WooBin? Are you guys alright?"

"Ne. He's sore and he'll need a week or so to fully heal but he's alright."

"What happened?"

"Some people trying to send a message to his father jumped him on the way to YiJung's. I got him to open up about it a little bit but he's pretty touchy on that subject. I think he's worried about what we think of him."

JunPyo couldn't help but notice that JiHoo sounded as weary as he did on the other end of the phone.

"Ne, YiJung doesn't talk much about his problems either." He added, understanding the doctor's frustrations.

"How was he today? I mean really, how _is_ he?"

His friend's question was expected, but nonetheless still unsettlingly direct. He had unsuccessfully willed that they would skip this part of the chat. JunPyo was tired, feeling stressed and just wanted to go home to his fiancée without any more conversation.

"He's… alright. He was in a good mood today but I know he's thinking about her. Although he didn't say anything about her, was continuously checking his phone. It just feels like he's missing something- like he's almost himself but not," he wearily replied.

JiHoo audibly sighed over the phone. "Kurae. I don't know what to do about those two. We can't force him to call her and we can't make her come to see him either." He sighed once more. "Otoke?"

"Mollayo." He muttered with nothing left to say.

There was a long pause. "Mian JunPyo, I know today was a long day for you. Let's end this conversation for the night. Go home and get some rest, araso?"

JunPyo smiled, still amazed at how well they could read each other even on the phone.

"Ne, I'll meet you two at the hospital after my nine o'clock meeting. It shouldn't take more than three hours at most."

"We'll still be there; all day just like the last time." The weariness was back in JiHoo's tone, JunPyo could hear the strain of the words.

"JiHoo-ah, it's long but we're one step closer to beating this thing."

"Kurae. You're right. Let's hope the process goes quickly for all of our sakes." He paused as if to regroup his thoughts before continuing. "Araso, goodnight JunPyo."

"Goodnight JiHoo. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

_Again, feedback especially for this one is appreciated.  
Also... I have most of the next chapter ALREADY WRITTEN. Therefore I'm hoping for an update tomorrow ^^ (Totally not trying to make it up to you for taking so long with this update or anything... hehe)_

Thanks for being faithful readers, saranghayo!


	21. Better Then Medicine

_In apology for taking so long I present you with... another chapter! Yay for double updates ^^_

* * *

**Through Muddy Water**

**Chapter 21: Better than Medicine**

The bedroom was still dark when he arrived and he checked his watch with a frown. If it was one thing JiHoo had in common with the potter, it was a strong dislike for being late.

"Ya, you're not awake yet?" Tugging at the comforter that concealed his friend, he tried to rouse the sleeping potter. "Come on, you were supposed to be ready when I got here."

YiJung groaned rather loudly and pulled the pillow over his head in protest. JiHoo frowned, it was rather abnormal for his friend to have such a hard time waking in the morning but he realized that YiJung's body was probably just physically tired.

"Gwaenchana?" He asked. "I'm not going."

"Bwoh?"

"I'm not going today." The potter restated, pulling the covers back over himself rather forcefully.

JiHoo shook his head, bewildered at the sudden personality change. "Don't say that, you know you have to go. Come on now, get up."

"Anyo. I don't want to."

He sighed, deciding to approach it from another angle. "YiJung… I know it's not easy, but you have to."

"I said I'm not going!" came the rather harsh reply.

JiHoo stepped back, surprised at the outburst. If it was JunPyo he would have told him he was an idiot and dragged him out anyways but this was YiJung and truth be told he really didn't know how to go about convincing him to get out of bed.

Short of throwing his hands up and calling it quits, he couldn't see any clear direction so he called WooBin who answered on the second ring.

"Yobseyo?"

"WooBin-ah. He's refusing to go."

"Bwoh?"

"YiJung is refusing to get out of bed. He really doesn't want to go and I can't force the kid. I mean I could probably pick him up and carry him out the door fairly easily but I thought maybe you could talk to him before I resorted to that."

"Aish… chincha?"

"Ne, I wouldn't have called you if it wasn't a problem." As the words slipped out rather quickly, JiHoo was surprised at the somewhat frantic feeling he was experiencing. It had been a very long time since something had rattled his calm demeanor.

"Put me on speaker."

Obeying, he switched the phone to speaker and approached the bed again, holding it near the lump of blankets.

"Ya, YiJung-ah."

There was slight movement from the covers.

"You have to get up. You can't skip this." The voice emanating from the phone was strong and authoritative but still gentle. "I know it's difficult, I know you don't want to go through what happened last time again but you need to. You need to get better and this is the only way."

There was a pause as if WooBin was waiting for an answer. When there was no reply, JiHoo heard him sigh and then continue with the same firm but calm tone.

"Mianhe… that I can't be there. But we made a promise right? On the bridge that night- we promised. You can't give up araso? I'm not giving up so you can't either."

The bundle of blankets shifted as YiJung slowly pushed the pillow off of his face and rolled over, pushing the comforter down to his waist.

"Things are going to get better but not unless you can be strong enough to go. JanDi, JunPyo, JiHoo, GaEul, and me- we need you to get better."

The potter stared at the phone with a sort of sad look that broke JiHoo's heart as he watched. It was the first time he'd seen the Casanova look so devastated and so- watched silently as WooBin continued to talk, a steady stream of reassurances and pleas penetrating the layers of blanket.

" Jebal… be strong today. Just for today, we can worry about tomorrow at another time. All that matters right now is today. One day at a time, araso?"

There was a final dramatic pause as YiJung sat up on the edge of the bed, letting the blankets fall from his body. He nodded silently, looking down at the ground.

JiHoo wanted to touch him but his instincts said to let YiJung be for the moment. "I'll give you a few minutes to get ready and then we'll go," he murmured quietly before stepping into the hall to give the potter his privacy.

"He's going?" WooBin asked as he brought the phone back to his ear.

"Ne. He's going."

"Good. Gwaenchana?"

JiHoo sighed heavily contemplating an answer to that question. "I'll be fine, just getting used to this side of him."

"Ne, he doesn't show it often. Mostly he'll only let it out in front of me. It's good though I think- that he's not hiding it."

"I hope so."

"JiHoo-"

"Mmmm?"

"I'm glad you called me. He's the closest I have to a brother, did you know that? Even if you already did you understand right?"

"I understand."

"Gomawo…" WooBin's voice trailed off so suddenly that JiHoo wondered if he was on the edge of crying. When he spoke again, it seemed as if there was something caught in the prince's throat. "Ah- You better get going so you're not late. Keep me updated, araso?"

"I will," he promised. "And I'll take good care of him until you come back."

"Ne, talk to you later."

JiHoo hung up the phone and gave a friendly smile at YiJung who was leaning against the doorframe watching him. "All set? Ga Ja."

As if on cue, YiJung strode ahead , still not speaking a single word.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

They were only an hour and a half in and he had already thrown up so many times that he ran out of energy and fingers to count with.

YiJung cursed under his breath. He knew there was a reason he had wanted to stay home this morning but of course WooBin had convinced him to go to his scheduled appointment. Where did that get him? Nowhere except in another hospital bed spending the morning emptying his body of anything he'd even brought near his mouth in the past week.

"Gwaenchana," JiHoo murmured, settling him back against the pillows with a sympathetic face. He uncapped a bottle of water, handing it to the potter.

"I don't want it," YiJung whined childishly. "It'll all just come back up again."

"You need to stay hydrated or it will be worse, just a little sip."

Swallowing the tiniest mouthful possible, he crossed his arms leaned back on the bed uncomfortably. This was exactly why he hadn't wanted to get out of bed. It was extremely difficult to think of the chemo as making him better when all it seemed to do so far was make his stomach rebel like an angry teenager.

"I'm going to go see if they can increase the nausea medication. You shouldn't have to be this uncomfortable and you can't keep throwing up everything you take in."

YiJung grimaced, one hand on his stomach. "Can you not talk about it?"

"Ah mian," he looked up from the chart he'd swiped from the end of the bed. "Lets see, 5 milligrams… that's only the starting dose." He frowned, brow furrowing "I'm going to request that they raise this. I'll be quick, just relax and I'll be right back I promise."

Through the haze of exhaustion and lingering nausea he didn't even hear what JiHoo said. In fact he wasn't even trying to listen to his friend because at the moment every fiber of his attention was fixed on the door behind the young doctor's head. Mouth open, he confusedly gazed at what he was sure must be some sort of hallucination.

JiHoo turned to see what he was looking at and immediately exhaled in surprise, confirming that he wasn't just seeing things.

_GaEul._

She stood shyly by the door, looking slightly downward. He could see her legs quivering the slightest as she played with the end of her hair. It was one of those cute nervous habits that he had noticed on previous occasions.

"Anneyong," she practically whispered while taking a step forward.

JiHoo immediately crossed the room to greet her. "GaEul, It's good to see you."

"Ne, you too sunbae," she returned.

"I'm going to speak with his doctors for a moment. I'll be back in a few minutes. Make yourself at home, araso?" He put his hand on her shoulder with a gentle smile and nod.

She seemed to hesitate but she stayed where she was even after he left the room. YiJung felt his pulse quicken as the both just stared at each other.

"You're here," he swallowed.

"Ne." She took a step closer looked to the side, biting her lip. "I couldn't stay away."

He wasn't sure what to say. His heart was beating so quickly behind his chest that he could barely hear anything over the blood rushing in his ears.

She took another step closer and his already bothered stomach did a flip of nervousness. He let out a slow breath trying to calm his nerves. "GaEul, I'm not-" he stopped talking and closed his eyes with a groan as a horribly familiar wave of nausea struck.

"You don't want to be here," he whispered, gripping the sheets.

Taking off her coat, she laid it over the back of the chair and walked right up to the side of the bed. His stomach did another flip, confused from the chemo and butterflies. He pinched his eyes tightly closed once more. _Not now, she just came back to me, please, _he prayed silently

There was a hand on his wrist, light and sweet. Her slender fingers brushed against his skin and he shivered unconsciously. The room spun dangerously and he swallowed trying to tame the queasiness that was creeping up on him again.

"Just go, JiHoo will be back any minute. You don't have to watch this."

She didn't answer, but continued to hold his shaking hand. Practically crying, he couldn't take it anymore and reached for the basin, holding it like a security blanket.

"You hate seeing me sick," he murmured waiting for the inevitable.

Slowly, she began to tentatively rub his back. Her touch relaxed his tense body a little. "I hate thinking about you being alone like this more," she whispered.

Her touch was softer, gentler. Under WooBin or JiHoo he felt safe as his friend's firmly supported his frail body, but with GaEul he felt more comfort. She held onto his shoulders as his body rejected what little water he'd drank just a few minutes ago, wiping his mouth with a tissue between heaves. When it seemed as if nothing was left he hovered there, questioning if it was really over.

He felt a drop of warm water against his shoulder and looked up at her face. Her eyes were closed but he saw the water collecting on her eyelashes

"I'm okay, please don't cry."

She nodded, wiping her eyes on her sleeve and quietly taking the basin away from him. Exhausted, he lay back letting his eyes fall closed listening to the soft click of her shoes on the floor as she walked into the bathroom. He heard the toilet flush and when she returned, she placed the bowl back on the table and wiped his forehead with a cool cloth.

Reaching up, he grabbed her wrist. "Come here."

"Bwoh?"

YiJung let go of her arm and patted the edge of the bed with his hand. "Come up here with me," he rasped, throat raw from being sick. He kept his eyes closed, unsure of what she would do but all of a sudden he felt her small frame beside his. He automatically reached out and draped his arm across her shoulders, a smile on his chapped lips.

"You can come closer, I won't break."

Ever so gently she inched closer to him and he pulled her to him so that she was nuzzled up against his shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he whispered softly.

She pulled back a little to survey his face. "I should be asking you that."

He smiled, pulling her back to him. "I'm a lot better now."

Together they lay side by side, breaths evening out and becoming in sync. The warmth of her body next to his felt comforting and he felt his stomach slowly settle enough for him to drift on the edge of sleep.

She was back in his arms, back at his side and YiJung knew that Chu GaEul was better than any medicine they could give him.

* * *

Compared to the scene he walked into, more medication was a poor offering.

Returning to the private room, if JiHoo didn't know any better he could have thought he was in the wrong place. It seemed completely illogical for a patient that had literally been throwing up every ten minutes to look so comfortable and relaxed but right in front of him was living proof.

He watched the two lovers in the bed for a few moments, just observing the peaceful nature between the two of them. He came to the sudden realization that what he was looking at was the power of love in action. He knew it existed, and he's seen plenty of love before but this- this seemed different.

He wondered what had changed to make GaEul come back. Looking at the way she was curled beside him, it didn't seem to bother her that they were in the middle of a hospital. Judging by the freshly cleaned basin and dampened washcloth draped across the potter's head, he could gather that YiJung must have been sick after he had left.

Regardless of how it came to be, it was a beautiful sight really; the two of them reunited and contentedly slumbering away in each other's arms.

JiHoo picked up his phone, dialing the person he knew must be behind all of this.

"She came?" It was the first question out of WooBin's mouth.

JiHoo nodded. "Ne. Did you-"

"I called her this morning- after I hung up with you," the prince hastily explained.

"Well, she came."

"So how is he now?" JiHoo could envision WooBin's grin just by listening to his voice. He smiled, looking back through the glass at the couple.

"For once, he looks… content."

* * *

_THEEYYY'REEE BACK! Yay for SoEul! You had to know I couldn't keep them apart forever right?_  
_As usual, I'd love to hear your reactions ^^_  
_Thanks again readers, saranghayo!_


	22. Nobody is Losing Anybody

_I'm back everyone! On break now, done with classes for a month so hopefully I'll be a better author and give you more updates ._

**Through Muddy Water**  
**Chapter 22: Nobody is Losing Anybody**

All he wanted to do was go back to sleep.

When JiHoo had gently woken him, YiJung had been immediately annoyed. He was actually oddly comfortable in the treatment room with GaEul curled up beside him also napping quietly. When she'd hopped off the bed, the warmth of her body faded leaving him cold and grumpy. In all truthfulness however, he would be glad to get home. The chemo always inevitably made him weak and he was anxious to trade the stiff hospital bed for his own soft covers where he would sleep for the next twelve hours-or maybe even longer than that without interruption.

JiHoo had already left to bring the car around as the nurse handed him the forms to sign. He did, staring at his horrible penmanship. It shocked him how weak even his hands actually were. Feeling tired was one thing, but not even being able to sign your name properly was another entirely.

The hallway seemed like a blur as GaEul pushed his wheelchair carefully. She walked almost as if she was pushing a baby carriage. YiJung didn't really mind though, the extra care was a sweet gesture and even if he did mind, he wasn't in any state to get upset over it. Once outside, JiHoo opened the door to the car and she got in the backseat first. She slid in so he didn't have to walk around as WooBin helped him from the chair to the seat. The outside air was chilly and his head ached so when he was finished buckled up, he instinctively lay down and rested his head on her lap.

She seemed startled at the action, her legs tensing slightly beneath him and he immediately felt self-conscious about his decision.

"Mian…" he mumbled under his breath and preparing himself to sit up.

"Ah, anyo, I just… gwaenchana?" She asked, peering down at him with wide eyes.

He nodded, closing his eyes and relaxing with her words. Truth be told, alright was a relative term at the moment but she was letting him take up residence in her lap so he was comfortable enough.

"Just have a headache," he sighed, crossing his arms and tucking his hands in the folds of his jacket.

"Does it always hurt afterwards?" she asked softly, letting her hand rest lightly against his forehead. He felt her fingertips brush along his thinning hair.

"Mhm," he murmured, "Because of the spinal injection."

He though he felt her shiver beneath him as he explained. Her movements made him worry that he shouldn't stop talking before she got really upset. He knew he couldn't handle it if she was going to get upset.

"I thought the cancer was in your blood."

"It is," he began but he trailed off losing his thought. He was so tired it was really hard to explain things in a way that wouldn't be overwhelming.

"The injections protect his spine so the cancer can't spread," JiHoo piped up, giving an all-knowing look in the rearview. YiJung silently reminded himself to thank his friend later. It wasn't that he didn't care to explain, he just didn't have the physical or emotional energy for details right now. His eyes felt so heavy he could barely keep them open.

"Oh," she said quietly.

He thought he heard a quiver in her voice and he very purposely fought against the fatigue, trying to come up with things to say. "Gwaenchana?" he managed to ask.

In reply, she softly put her palm out and covered his eyes, shielding him from the glare of the sun off the car windows. "Concentrate on yourself first, I'll be fine."

He couldn't see her face, but he had the feeling that she was purposely hiding from him. He also knew she was probably lying to reassure him but even so he let the matter go, allowing the vibrations of the car and the sweet smell of her clothes lull him back to sleep. When he was feeling more rested he'd try to talk to her again.

For now, he was content to try to rest easy and enjoy having her by his side.

She combed his pockets for the key, easily finding it and slipping it into the lock. It gave her an odd sense of deja-vu, the way her hands shook slightly when turning the handle as the two men stumbled into the studio. YiJung leaned against JiHoo wearily with half-lidded eyes, looking almost like he might be intoxicated. GaEul found herself wishing that were the case because if he were drunk, by morning he would be completely fine again.

"Where do you want to go?" JiHoo asked YiJung as he ushered him down the hall. "Couch or bed?"

"Bed," was the automatic answer.

JiHoo nodded as he ushered the potter down the hall. Pausing for a moment, he looked over his shoulder and locked eyes with her.

"GaEul, Can you please bring a glass of water and the bottle of pills from the second shelf on the left side of the sink?"

She nodded, glad to have something- anything to do that might help.

In the kitchen, she quickly filled a glass with water from the refrigerator. Sitting on the shelf she described were two bottles of medication. Both had YiJung's name printed. Confused as to which to take she picked up both, balancing them with the water carefully and making her way back to the bedroom.

YiJung had already changed and was propped up in the bed. He looked rather pale against the dark sheets but when he smiled at her she could still see his dimples and the faint glimmer of happiness in his eyes. He seemed a bit more alert than he had in the car and he motioned for her to come in.

JiHoo took the pills from her hands, checking the labels carefully.

"I wasn't sure which…" she told him uncertainty.

"Mian, I should have been more specific," he apologized scrutinizing the writing and then uncapping the first. "You brought the right ones anyways," he said encouragingly as he handed two to YiJung along with the water.

"Gomawo," he said taking them and swallowing them easily.

"Drink all of that. I'm watching," JiHoo warned with a look.

YiJung made a face but brought the glass back to his lips and took a few more sips with a small snort of annoyance. GaEul giggled at the sight, watching the two bicker with their body language.

"Happy now, _appa_?" YiJung asked with a smirk as he put the glass on the nightstand.

"Yes, yes I am." This brought about another chuckle between the two of them as JiHoo rose and took the cup with him. "You're all set for now?"

"Ne," he confirmed.

"Araso, I'll let you two have your time then. Yell if you need me I'll be just down the hall."

GaEul nodded politely as he left, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. She turned back to YiJung with a shy smile. He had already settled himself down under the covers and was starting to look very sleepy again. She had to admit, it was quite an adorable sight.

"Do you want me to turn out the lights?" she asked. When there was no answer she went to stand when his hand reached out and tugged at her sleeve. "Don't go."

She smiled down at him, biting her lip. "I'm not leaving, I'm just going to turn the lights off so you can sleep."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

He released her, either too exhausted to argue or comfortable enough to believe her. For a moment she actually thought of leaving, the silence of the room was suffocating. At the hospital there had been things to keep her occupied but here- here it was him and her, and reality.

Forcing herself to go back, she approached the bed warily, afraid of how fragile he looked. She lay down beside him, looking at his still handsome jaw-line. Shaking, she took his hand she tugged it up to her cheek, holding it there with both hands.

"Please stay with me," she whispered through the dark. "If I can be strong enough to stay with you, you can stay right here… right here with me." Her throat went dry as she pleaded with his sleeping form. "Please," she repeated. "Please don't ever leave."

"GaEul."

Someone was calling her and she awoke with a start, realizing that she'd fallen asleep without meaning to. It was much darker than earlier and she squinted through the dark, trying to see if there was a clock nearby.

"GaEul." She jumped hearing her name again.

"YiJung-ah?"

"You're awake," he murmured, rolling to face her.

"Ne, are you okay." Through the dark she could just see the outline of his face.

"Is JiHoo still here?"

"He's still here." She reached out to push his bangs from his face.

"Can you get him please… I need his help."

"Oh?" She adjusted the blanket so it covered his exposed shoulders. Lying on top of the covers, she could feel how chilly the room was and she made a mental note to close the window. " What is it, I'm right here."

"Ah ani… I need him for this," he pleaded quietly.

"Whatever it is you can tell me," she assured him. "It's okay."

He fell silent for a moment and rolled away from her, staring at the ceiling. "I have to go to the bathroom," he began apprehensively. "… and I don't think I can get there on my own."

Her heart sank at the words and she swallowed hard as a lump formed in her throat.

"I can't-" he began again, his voice strangled like he could cry as well.

Quickly she reached out lay her hand on his chest, trying to comfort him. She let go when she felt him tense beneath her. She could tell he didn't want the contact and she tried to steady her voice to avoid further upsetting him. "Okay, I'll go get him."

JiHoo was calm as usually and immediately walked into the bedroom, turning on the bedside lamp and helping YiJung to his feet. She felt like she couldn't watch anymore so she retreated hastily to the hall where the tears began to slip from her control. As the last scraps of light disappeared from the sky so did her resolve. One salty drop on the hardwood became two then three then a number she couldn't possibly keep count of.

There was so little she could do, so much out of her control. She wanted to go back four years- to before this stupid disease ever existed in their lives. She'd even go back to when YiJung had no interest in her if it meant that the nightmare would end. It just didn't seem fair, any of it. She felt selfish to be frustrated that her life was so difficult but it was only because seeing him suffer bothered her. So really it wasn't selfishness at all- or was it?

When it came down to it she was thoroughly confused.

"GaEul…" someone called from the doorway. She turned, trying to hide her red eyes. She never used to cry this much and tears felt like just another indication of her many weaknesses.

"Oh JiHoo-ah. I was just…" she didn't really have an explanation to give but his sad half-smile told her it didn't matter.

He stepped closer, handing her his handkerchief. "You don't have to be invincible you know."

She nodded slowly, blowing her nose as he looked at her with friendly eyes.

"Come with me. It's warmer in the kitchen.

He didn't know why, but there was always something about a cup of tea that seemed to remedy all sorts of situations.

"Careful, it's hot," JiHoo warned, putting the steaming mug in front of her and taking a seat across the table. "Are you feeling better now?"

She shook her head slightly. "Ne sunbae, kahmsahmnida."

He smiled, eyes wandering around the room at all the dusty pottery. YiJung would probably throw a fit if he saw the state his studio was in. He actually thought about cleaning it before he realized how absurd he was being. He was beginning to understand just how much one diagnosis could change the life of not only a patient, but also the family and friends of the person who was sick.

As the minutes ticked by GaEul sat quietly, blowing some of the vapor off the top of the tea. JiHoo was silent as well. He fiddled with his fingers, unsure of what to do or say to break the silence.

"We were all wondering when you would come back," he finally said. "It's nice to have you around. I know it makes YiJung happy."

"Ne."

"There's no need to be embarrassed," he commented, taking a sip of his tea. "Everyone handles things in their own way."

"I wanted to call," she said in a weak voice. "I really did. I planned to come back, I wasn't going to run away."

"We know."

"After that day… in the h-hospital. I kept waiting for him to call, to tell me I wasn't being a bother. But he didn't and I didn't know what to do." She looked down at her cup, lip trembling like she could cry again. "WooBin sunbae called apologizing and saying he was s-s-orry."

He took another swallow of tea and let her talk.

"I wondered why he wasn't calling if I wasn't a burden and then I remembered."

"Remembered?" he asked, sitting up a little straighter.

"We made a promise. He promised to tell me as much as he could-" she paused, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers nervously.

"Go on," he prodded gently.

"And I promised that if he didn't talk I would understand that it wasn't because he didn't want to it would be because he wouldn't be able to. And then I realized that he couldn't call me… and I was being stupid and selfish because I was s-s-scared." She hung her head, sniffling again. He could see her trying to restrain herself but fighting a losing battle against the tears.

"Ya," he said softly putting down his tea and approaching her. "You're here now, that's all that matters. You're here and you're trying and that's all anyone can ask."

She nodded slightly, wiping at her eyes with his handkerchief. "Ne Sunbae."

"Everything's going to be fine," he told her, pulling her into a friendly hug. When he let go, he held her at arm's length with a smile. "Why don't you go down to the bathroom and wash your face and then say good night to YiJung. It's getting late and I'll take you home."

She nodded shyly, picking up her cup and neatly bringing it to the sink before looking back at him. "Gomawo."

He shook his head to tell her it was no problem and cleaned up his own cup, rinsing both out with a sigh. Drying them both, he wiped his hands clean and went to check on YiJung.

The potter was awake, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He barely blinked as JiHoo entered, but instead frowned, eyes still fixed above.

"JiHoo-ah."

"Ne."

"Is GaEul okay now?" JiHoo wasn't terribly surprised that he had sensed something was wrong, YiJung potter had always been perceptive like that.

"Ne. I gave her a cup of tea and let her talk. She's alright now."

"Oh," the potter sighed, closing his eyes.

Leaning against the doorframe and surveying his ailing friend was strangely unsettling. WooBin would know what to say here, but JiHoo was having a hard time reading what it was that YiJung was looking for in the conversation.

"Do you think it's going to work?"

The question threw JiHoo off balance; he certainly hadn't expected that to get thrown out there. Crossing his arms with a frown of his own, he replied rather forcefully. "Of course. It's really rough on your body but you'll get through it. You're plenty strong enough."

At his words, the twitches of a smile danced on YiJung's lips. "Ani- Me and GaEul."

"Oh." For a moment JiHoo felt quite foolish but he shrugged it off easily. "Yeah, it's going to work. I know you don't want to hear this anymore, but it's going to take time. She's scared and she doesn't want to let you down. " He paused, running his fingers through his hair and trying to find the right words. "But she loves you YiJung-ah, she really does."

There was silence after that. JiHoo wasn't sure if that was the end of the conversation or if the potter had finally drifted off to sleep. "I think it's best if you let her go home for the night. It's getting late and she has school tomorrow. It will give her a chance to collect herself and I'll bring her back tomorrow."

"JiHoo-ah."

"Ne, YiJung."

"I love her too… I don't want to lose her."

"You're not going to." JiHoo stood up straight now, stepping to the foot of the bed with his jaw set so that he was looking YiJung dead in the eyes.

"Nobody is losing anybody."

_Honestly, how was it? It's been so long, I have to get back into this...  
I'm trying to move things along so expect some new plot twists soon ^^_


	23. Tomorrow

**Through Muddy Water**  
**Chapter 23: Tomorrow**

At least father's blows didn't hurt any more.

Frowning as he looked in the mirror, WooBin studied the rainbow of colors that marred his skin. Most of them had faded from red and purple to an ugly mix of yellow and brown. All except for one, a single angry red stripe across his right cheek that was still stinging.

He hadn't expected anything different to be honest. In fact, he even avoided his father as long as he could but nothing went unnoticed in the Song household. As soon as he even mentioned the men who had attacked him he was mentally prepared himself for the slap he knew was inevitable. It had been a long time since he flinched when his father raised his hand. Any cringing ceased a long time ago when he was four, had ducked the initial hit and then received twice the beating for being afraid.

"_Are you ready to wake up and join us now?" _

"_Father…" he had found himself pleading._

"_Get out of my sight."_

Never, he thought to himself as he touched the mark lightly. Never will I choose his side- I'd die before then.

Sighing, he lay down on his bed and slamming his fist into the mattress. He'd turned into a coward, a submissive coward. What he wouldn't give to have taken a swing at his father, to watch him eat some of his own medicine for a chance. But that would make him just like his father and he refused to let that happen.

He had nowhere to go. He certainly couldn't burden anyone in the F4 right now, especially not with YiJung's illness and JunPyo's wedding coming up. Even JiHoo had too much going on for WooBin to allow himself to bother him. He would just have to grin and bear it.

His phone buzzed from somewhere across the room and he groaned, heaving himself off the bed. Everything was still sore from his run in with his father's enemies. Half-dragging himself to the dresser where his cell was, he smiled as he looked at the number.

"Yobseyo?"

"YiJung-ah!" he replied happily. "You sound really good, how are you feeling?" he asked his friend, feeling his spirits lifting at the mere sound of the potter's voice.

"Yeah," came the reply. "Much better than yesterday. But how are _you_? I heard you were sick."

"Oh yeah…" Woobin sighed, remembering the story they'd concocted to cover up the incident. "I'm fine. I just can't come around you for a few days- it's not good for you to be exposed to the germs."

As he lied through his teeth, he was amazed by how much he wanted to come clean. That's when it hit him that he'd never outright lied to YiJung before. But now, here he was lying about being sick and lying about being fine. He _was_ sick. Sick of his life, sick of being trapped and sick of bad news but he couldn't open his mouth to say it. The last time he remembered feeling this way had found him standing on the edge of a bridge with YiJung begging him to come down.

"Yah, are you still there?"

"Y-yeah. I'm still here. I'm still here."

"Your dad?"

Of course he would know, YiJung always knew. "Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He did, but he couldn't.

"Not now," he whispered. He couldn't bring himself to talk about it knowing there were so many bigger issues at hand. Once again he found himself turning the attention off of himself and back to his friend. "Tell me about your morning," he countered.

Yijung obliged- he always did and sometimes it was just easier that way.

* * *

At noon, all of the children had all scampered off to recess and in their absence, the classroom felt quite empty. If she forgot about Yijung's cancer diagnosis, day to day life wasn't so different until there was a lull that left too much to the imagination.

Just as she thought she was going to start getting emotional once again, the creak of the door being opened caused GaEul to spin on heel.

"Oh, JanDi!" she exclaimed, just the sight of her friend brightening her spirits a little.

JanDi gave her a smile and wave, holding up a lunchbox. "I thought we could eat."

Nodding, she motioned for the other girl to come over. Moving a few stacks of paper she made enough for the two of them at her desk and watched as JanDi spread out the food between them.

"This looks great !" she praised, eyes lighting up at the egg rolls, rice, vegetables and fruit that had been neatly packed. Picking up a pair of chopsticks, she neatly picked up a mouthful, chewing carefully and trying not to laugh as JanDi stuffed twice the amount inter her mouth.

"You still eat like a chipmunk," she laughed from across the table. "But I see why JunPyo likes these so much."

She saw the smile creep over her friend's face at the mention of the name. "Why so embarrassed?" she teased playfully, "he is your fiancée after all and in a few weeks he'll be your _husband."_

"Well actually," JanDi hesitated, her usually bubbly demeanor dampening with every syllable, "That's partially why I came today. To let you know that we cancelled the wedding."

GaEul practically choked on a mouthful of rice, dropping her chopsticks and staring wide eyed. "What? The wedding isn't going to happen?" JanDi looked upset, but not devastated and she was pretty sure if the two had broken up she would have been holding an emotionally wrecked friend, not one who was eating lunch casually in front of her.

"Calm down," JanDi laughed. "It is, just not until YiJung's feeling better. JunPyo and I thought it would be better to postpone things."

"Oh," she replied, not really sure what to say in a situation like this. There had been so much information being tossed at her for the past week it was hard to process. "Postpone…" he murmured, letting the word roll around her mouth, "Until when?"

"Just until the treatment is over," JanDi said as she reached across the table to touch GaEul's arm gently. "Then we can have a real celebration."

She nodded, pushing more eggs into her mouth as words escaped her. She knew that she was supposed to be relieved by this piece of information but that feeling just wasn't quite there yet. None of this made sense- any of it. Just a few weeks ago, she was going on a date with her boyfriend and planning a wedding with her best friend but today Yijung was at home, recovering from a round of chemo and JanDi was cancelling her big day.

"GaEul," JanDi whispered, grasping her hand tightly as if she could see her confusion. "You understand right, we're just trying to give YiJung some time to focus on getting better. Junpyo is worried that if we go on with the wedding it will be too much for him to worry about. You know how important those four consider their friendship to be."

Nodding slightly, Gaeul gave her best smile to the girl across from her. "I know you mean well," she affirmed slowly. "And whatever your decision may be I'll support it. I just don't know how he's going to take this. I don't know how to do this… I don't know if this is right."

"I'm sorry," JanDi whispered.

Her friend's apology only made things worse. Pulling her hand away, she wiped at her eyes which had suddenly gained tears. "A-a-anyo…" she stammered, the lump in her throat growing, "I shouldn't be this upset. I should be apologizing to you for messing up your w-w-wedding."

"Ani," JanDi exclaimed, standing up immediately and coming around to wrap her arms around Gaeul. "You don't apologize for anything. None of this is your fault. None of this is Yijung's fault either. It's nobody's fault, these things just happen." She stroked the other girl's hair gently as she whispered in her ear. "Everything must be so confusing right now, I'm so sorry Gaeul. I'm so so sorry."

Gaeul sniffed, her tears slipping down her cheeks unchecked now as she let her friend hold her. She hadn't thought there were any tears left but she knew now that there was an endless supply no matter what she did to try and lessen the flow.

"Don't cry, we'll figure this out." Jandi told her sincerely. "Whatever happens, I'll be right here. We'll all be right here."

* * *

"Finish that."

Sitting at the kitchen table, he knew it was an order and not an option.

"You know you're the worst of them all," Yijung teased as he stared at the spoonful of rice his friend was pointing at. Pushing it into his mouth, he forced himself to smile even though more food was the last thing he wanted at the minute. "Satisfied?"

"Yes, now drink all of that water." Junpyo ordered, pointing his chopsticks at the glass of water this time around. His plate had already been cleaned long ago and it seemed he was taking the opportunity to push the potter into finishing as well.

Yijung made a face at the elder male. "Jihoo made sure you didn't forget anything huh." It honestly didn't surprise him that the doctor had taken the time to brief one, if not all of his friends on how to 'take care' of him. With Woobin out of the picture for a few of the days Jihoo had completely taken over his role, albeit with a more patient-care type style.

Junpyo grinned widely and laughed. "He did, but he's right."

Nodding slightly, Yijung quickly swallowed and put the cup down definitively. "You better not be refilling this anytime soon." He leaded back in his chair with a slight stretch and yawn. "Has WooBin called you?"

"Once, maybe twice. He'll be back around in a few days," was the nonchalant reply as Junpyo spooned more food onto his plate.

"Did he mention anything?" Yijung asked, wondering if Woobin was talking to anyone else about what was going on at his home. He highly doubted it seeing as his best friend was pretty private and only really talked to him about those sorts of things but it was worth a shot.

"Mmm nothing out of the ordinary. Why?" Junpyo questioned, his face showing a bit of surprise at the sudden question.

"No reason, I just miss seeing that kid that's all." He shrugged, picking up his plate and cup and carrying them to the sink.

Junpyo followed him, with his own. He took the dishes from Yijung and began running the water. "I got this, go sit."

"I'm not incapacitated you know," Yijung half-teased. Sometimes it bothered him how much his friends were helping out, but other times although he'd never admit it, he liked the assistance. With every additional treatment he received, he lost more energy for the day and many everyday tasks took longer than he was used to.

"Yah! If someone offers to do dishes for you you take it. Aish," the elder male complained as he pulled on rubber gloves and began making suds with the sponge.

"You do realize if you leave them there the housekeepers will do them in the morning for me," he laughed, sitting back down and reclining comfortably.

In response, Junpyo turned and flicked a glob of suds at him with a smirk. "Be quiet and just let me do this, alright?"

Throwing his hands in the air, he exaggerated surrender and crossed his legs comfortably. "Why don't you go home after you finish that," he suggested. "It's late and you must be wanting to see Jandi". His words were actually a reflection of his own feelings. It was late and he himself wanted to see Gaeul but unfortunately she was probably already sleeping and he was unwilling to disturb her knowing that she had work the next day.

"You don't want me to stay?" Junpyo inquired as he ran the water and rinsed the last few cups in the sink.

"I'll be alright if you go. I'll probably get myself ready for bed and then read a little before I sleep. Shouldn't take too long, my appointment is pretty early tomorrow anyways."

Junpyo nodded, drying his hands and folding the towel neatly. As haphazard as he seemed in person, he was much cleaner than Yijung ever remembered him being in their younger years. Perhaps the years of running an international company had changed some of his habits.

"Alright," he agreed. "But let's clean your central line before I go."

"I'm impressed," the potter replied with a raised eyebrow. "Either you studied hard or JiHoo threatened you," he teased.

"Yeah well it's important," Junpyo said as he opened the cabinet to the left of the sink and stared at the perfectly arranged pre-packaged supplies. "That kid is unbelievable…"

"I know right, that's Jihoo for you." He shrugged slightly, "It does make it easier."

Junpyo nodded, glancing at the list that was conveniently placed on the inside of the cabinet and taking out supplies one by one.

"One of those on the left, two of the blue packages on the left, one of those clear ones up top…" Yijung recited, pointing out each item easily. "What?" he asked as his friend carried them to the table and spread them out in a semi-organized fashion. "When you do this enough times you get to know the process."

"I supposed," Junpyo murmured, pulling on a pair of gloves and rather tentatively beginning the procedure.

"How are the wedding plans coming along?" he asked, trying to make conversation and forget about the weird looking contraption that was hanging from his chest. He barely felt it anymore and cleaning it several times a day was routine but looking at it still seemed so foreign.

"Fine," was the reply he received.

"Well that's pretty vague," he laughed lightly as the familiar and all too disgusting taste of heparin filled his mouth. "Are you feeling good about things, is Jandi stressing about the preparations?" He didn't mean to be annoying, but being cooped up all day left him wondering what was going on in his friends life. It seemed as if when you were sick that was mostly all people talked to you about.

"I don't really know."

"The wedding's in two weeks and you don't know?" he inquired.

"Don't you think I'd say if I did," came the instant snap.

Yijung sat back, slightly shocked at the outburst. He hadn't thought anything of his questions but it appeared he'd breached a sensitive subject. "Why are you so upset? Is everything alright?"

"It's fine," his friend mumbled, stripping the gloves from his hands with a snap. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired. Things are fine, there's just a lot between the company and home and…"

And here, Yijung thought to himself with a pang of guilt but at the same time anger. He felt bad for being a burden but it wasn't as if he'd chosen to get sick. If he had it his way everything would be the way it was supposed to be.

"I know," he replied, choking down anything else he might want to say. "And it's late so you should go. JanDi's waiting."

Nodding, Junpyo threw out the trash from the used supplies and gathered his jacket from the back of his chair. Yijung watched as he shrugged it on and headed for the door, turning at the last moment to face him.

"I'm sorry."

"I know," he replied with a nod.

"See you tomorrow?" It was actually a question this time when most days it was a statement and Junpyo lingered with a hand on the doorframe waiting for a reply.

"Yeah," Yijung confirmed easily, "See you tomorrow."

* * *

_Ah I can't believe my last update was in December... I honestly don't know what happened. I can't promise fast updates because I'm graduating college in 2 weeks and it's going to get crazy but I am going to try and continue with this. If you're reading now than you are so amazing for sticking around and I want to thank you. _

_I'm not sure if this chapter flows with the rest all that well so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. It's been so long I could use some help getting back in the groove. Thanks again!_


	24. Stop Lying

**Through Muddy Water**  
**Chapter 24: Stop Lying**

It shouldn't surprise him that the fifth round of chemo hits his friend with more ferocity than the first, second, third, or fourth.

With each dose, the toxins build in YiJung's body and JiHoo has enough training and knowledge for this all to make perfect sense. Even so, understanding alone doesn't make watching the process any easier. "This is a good thing, it means the chemo is working," he repeats out loud for the full twenty minutes it takes before the anti-nausea medications finally seem to kick in.

The vibration of his phone in his pocket shakes him from the routine. Glancing over at the potter who is somewhere between awake and unconscious, the doctor decides he seems okay for the moment and slips from the room quietly to take the call.

"Hello?"

"Jihoo-ah, it's Woobin. How is he today?" He knew that Woobin would be calling sooner or later. Even apart from the hospital, he has always been on top of Yijung's treatment schedule.

"Not good," he answers truthfully while taking another peek back into the room. Some part of him still thinks that maybe one of these times he'll see something or someone different in the room.

There's a pregnant pause before the prince speaks again. "I want to come by today."

He knows that it's well intended, that Woobin is missing his friend and just wants to be there but it won't do the sick man any good to worry about anything other than himself. "Is your face still bruised?" he asks.

"It looks better."

He expected this sort of answer but if there was ever a time to be firm it was now. It's funny because Woobin is usually the one calling the shots over him and not this way; it's backwards. "But have you healed enough so he won't worry? You know I'm not trying to keep you away because I don't want you here."

There's another pause because there isn't a favorable answer to that question. In the background JiHoo can hear Yijung coughing again. "I've got to go, just a few more days and you can come back." He doesn't want to hang up, he knows Woobin probably doesn't want him to either but he has to. Showing his phone back into his pocket and running back into the room, he makes it in time to wipe the potter's mouth and lay him back down.

"Who was that?" the younger male croaks, lips chapped from the beginnings of dehydration.

JiHoo sticks a straw in a bottle of water and hands it over, knowing full well he can't lie. "WooBin. He wants to be here but he might still be contagious." He keeps up with the lie they've started because he knows the truth is more than his friend should be worrying about.

Yijung nods, almost as if he expected as such. "You should tell him not to worry so much, I'll be fi-" The sentence is cut short by another angry round of heaving that practically, or rather _does,_ steal the potter's breath, leaving him lying exhausted against the pillow.

And looking at him, Jihoo has no idea how this is fine- none at all.

* * *

"Well you look like hell," are the first words out of his mouth.

He didn't quite mean for it to slip from his lips like that but it's too late to take it back. Even from where he's standing, Junpyo can tell he probably should have thought about it a little bit more before speaking.

Woobin isn't exactly in the mood for such nonsense, especially after talking to Jihoo earlier in the morning and he stands in the doorframe of his room frowning. "How's he look," he questions.

"Yijung?" Junpyo asks, raising an eyebrow. Of course he knows without a doubt who the inquiry is about, but truthfully he hadn't been seen the potter yet that day. "I'm not stopping by until later," he shrugs.

"Then why are you here?"

The words are rather bitter and sharp. Junpyo's knows that out of everyone in the F4, he's probably the person Woobin feels least connected to. "I came check on you," he replies simply. He can see the marbled yellow and brown of fading bruises across the prince's chin and he tries not to stare. He's always known that the song family was involved in questionable activity but never had he seen Woobin suffer such consequences.

"Since when have you ever come to check on me?"

"If you don't want my concern then fine, I won't come next time." He scoffs slightly, annoyed that Woobin is annoyed and doesn't seem to appreciate him expressing concern.

"Don't be an ass." The reply is almost instantaneous.

"I just expected a different reaction from you," he mutters in response.

"Shut up," Woobin shoots, turning away and looking out the window. "You can't possibly be saying that to me right now."

"What are you even talking about?"

"You can go see him, you can go be with him. I'm supposed to be there and I can't yet you're standing there avoiding it like it's some sort of _chore." _The prince slammed his palm against the wall in frustration, his back stiffening as he spoke. "Just get out."

"Woobin."

"Get out, just go…"

Woobin is whispering now, maybe even crying for all Junpyo knows but all he can see is the other man's back. He wants to stay but he doesn't know how to deal with the prince when he's in one of his moods. In fact, he doesn't think Jihoo knows either. Thinking back on it, in all the years they spent as four, the only one who's really knows has been Yijung.

"I'll come back later and tell you how he is," he says softly before turning around to leave. He has no idea if that's what the other male hopes to hear and that alone is enough to make him question if he even knows Woobin at all.

* * *

When he finally woke up, he wasn't sure what time it was or where he had even originally fallen asleep.

Blinking, Yijung could have sworn when he first came home from the hospital he had flopped onto the couch, but now he was comfortably nestled beneath the covers of his own bed. Someone must have moved him without his knowledge. It felt strange to think about not waking up to that, and even weirder to imagine one of his friends carrying him.

Licking his lips, he swallowed and made a face at his parched throat. Rolling over and smiling slightly, he reached for the bottle of water that was sitting just an arm's reach away. He had to admit that everyone close to him was really doing a wonderful job taking care of him. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see that it was still fairly early. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he stayed there for a moment still feeling groggy.

Pushing himself off the edge, he stood and made his way towards the kitchen. He could hear quiet voices from that direction and he knew that there had to be at least one of his friends down there. Shuffling because everything ached, he slowly inches down the hall.

"So you two have officially decided."

"Yes, it wasn't easy but in the end we thought it best to wait."

"It's a good thing- that you've at least come to a decision. Have you thought about when you'll be postponing until?"

"Perhaps a few months, when all of this is in the past."

Pausing, he tilted his head at the snippets of conversation that were filtering down the hall. He could discern JiHoo and Junpyo's voices but what exactly they were talking about he couldn't get his finger on. At first it seemed as if they were discussing a business merger or deal that Junpyo might be dealing with at work but the tone just felt wrong for that sort of conversation.

"And the reservations?"

"Well you know my mother, if she says wait then the staff will wait."

Yijung catches Jihoo's laughter, soft and airy as it floats through the kitchen. He inches closer, wanting to hear the rest of the conversation before revealing his presence. He isn't sure why, but he thinks somehow the topic will come around to himself and he's curious.

"That is true. Are things with you and Jandi alright? Coming to the decision to postpone the wedding must have been stressful."

He practically falls over at the words, head spinning dizzily. He doesn't understand why the wedding which everyone has been preparing for would suddenly be postponed. His stomach twists, already knowing why even though he doesn't want to accept it.

"We're just fine, she seems to understand. Gaeul's her best friend and things are just so… we just think there are more important priorities."

Yijung's actually feeling sick now. He doesn't want to listen anymore so instead de deliberately drags himself into the kitchen past both men who stare at him rather dumbfounded.

"Oh, you're awake."

"How are you feeling?"

He huffs slightly at the question because it's probably the thousandth time he's been asked in the past forty-eight hours. He knows his friends mean well but right now he's upset that his friend has seemingly decided to cancel his wedding because he is sick and to add insult to injury, not tell him. "Fine, came to get a drink," he mumbles.

"I left one in your room for you," Jihoo says gently, standing up to come over to him.

"Felt like tea," he replies. He opened the cupboards looking for what he wanted. His arms felt like lead but he wasn't about to show any more weakness in front of them. They didn't need more reasons to worry; worrying had taken up enough of their lives already.

"I can get it," the young doctor told him, starting to prepare hot water. "Why don't you sit and r-"

Yijung shook his head, stopping as soon as the lightheaded feeling returned. "I've been sleeping all day, I don't feel like sitting."

"I think maybe you should," Junpyo insisted while standing up and offering his own seat.

He didn't move but instead deliberately stood by the sink, leaning against the countertop. Jihoo looked at him curiously but continued preparing the tea.

"Yah, what are you doing?" Junpyo asked, voice rising.

"Practicing."

"For?" Junpyo asks as Jihoo poured the tea into three mugs.

"Just walking around, standing up… I want to be ready for the wedding," he stated simply. He could see the guilt behind the eldest's gaze and he waited to see if he'd say anything.

"You'll have plenty of time for that, just rest now," came the sputtered reply. He knew that behind him Jihoo was probably sending him a look that read something along the line of 'You're going to have to tell him sooner or later'.

He looked at his friend blankly. He couldn't believe that they were keeping this from him, especially when their reasoning was based entirely on his condition.

"The tea is ready, why don't you sit and drink it with us and then if you feel like lying back down you can." There was a hand on his shoulder suddenly as Jihoo gently steered him towards the table. He shook off his hand in annoyance.

"I can get there on my own," he snapped rather angrily. He knew the touch was well intended, but everything about his two friends was frustrating him at the moment. They were blatantly lying to him like he was some sort of child.

"Just let us help you, it's alright to need help." Junpyo piped in, also coming over to stand behind him.

At those words, something inside of him snapped. He felt fuzzy and breathless like he had no space to move, no space to _breathe. _Throwing his hands up, he took a few steps back, trying to reclaim his own space. He felt the alarmed grip of his friends on either side of him but that only made things worse. "Stop lying about things, stop treating me like I'm going to break!" he shouted, barely aware that he was pushing them away.

There was a long and stifling silence as everything froze. All hands slipped off of him and he stood, panting slightly at the exertion of the outburst. "You… should have… told me," he whispered between breaths before walking away.

He felt Jihoo move behind him, hands ready to catch him lest he fall but at least leaving a gap between them. Junpyo stood frozen where he was, quiet for once. Walking into his bedroom, he wearily threw himself onto the bed and haphazardly trying to yanking the covers over his exhausted body and giving up halfway. He was so tired of feeling this way, so tired of needing help, so tired of being a burden, so tired of running out of energy. Frankly, he was tired of being tired.

"Go away," he mumbled into his pillow, a few frustrated tears leaking from the corner of his eyes. "I want to be alone."

It was true except that it really wasn't. There was only one person he wanted- Gaeul.

He wanted Gaeul to be there. He wanted her to come and lie next to him and tell him it was okay to be mad. He wanted her fingers running through his hair, her whispers echoing in his ears. He wantedto disappear into her arms where things felt right instead of wrong.

"I want Gaeul," he found himself whispering as he gave into the tiredness. He felt Jihoo pull the blankets up and over him properly. He wasn't even mad at his friends anymore, he just wanted _her._

"School's almost out, she'll be here soon," was the quiet reply.

"Mm.. sorry…" he barely managed as sleep tugged at his mind.

"I know you are, now just rest now she'll be here soon."

Closing his eyes, he focused on the last part as he began to drift off.

_Soon. She'll be here soon._

* * *

_Hello Readers, it''s sure been a while and I apologize for that. Even thought I always apologize many of you are still here and I appreciate it so much. Even if slowly, I intend to finish this story. It might get tough as my boyfriend's mother just began chemotherapy so this is a touchy subject. Please pray for her and their family._

Thank you for reading,  
Alicia


	25. Right

**Through Muddy Water**  
**Chapter 25: Right**

* * *

Sitting by Yijung's bed, Gaeul ran her fingers through the space where, just months ago, they used to caress the potter's warm, soft locks. Even though there was nothing slipping through her hands at the present moment, if she dipped head low to view his profile he looked like the same Yijung she'd fallen for all those years ago. Really, whether or not he was still what others called handsome didn't really matter in the end because he was there- breathing and alive.

As she pulled the chair closer and leaned her chin on her own hands, she thought about how quickly everyone had adjusted to the world of battling this disease. All around her she saw little ways in which her friends had changed in order to support their friend. Junpyo had begun making time in his schedule to come visit, always sporting the dark circles indicative of not enough sleep. In addition, when she wasn't making sure her fiancee was taking care of himself, Jandi was also always coming to check on both her and Yijung as well as bring the occasional meal and story to make her smile. Woobin of course, was busy being the picture of support even when he couldn't physically be there at the moment. And who could forget Jihoo lending his knowledge of hospitals and advocating fiercely for the best possible care when needed.

All of these things were thoroughly indicative of each of her friend's personalities and hearts. And by comparison she felt weak, falling short. At first news of the diagnosis, she was the opposite of calm and supportive. As treatments began, she'd slowly found her inner strength but it still often felt as if her efforts were a poor second best in comparison.

"I didn't know either," she whispered over his ear gently. His eyes opened the slightest bit with her voice and she pulled the chair closer, resting her elbows on the side of the bed and taking his hand in both of hers almost instantly, feeling the gentle squeeze he gave in recognition. "It's just me, keep sleeping if you're tired."

"No," was the mumbled reply, as Yijung pushed his eyes open and squinted at the clock. "I slept all day. I want to see you."

GaEul laughed, leaning forward to turn on the light as he reached for it slowly. He looked paler under the glow of the lamp and as close as she was, she could clearly see the dark circles under his eyes. Somehow, even so, she could still see the same face that had made her heart race at the porridge shop.

"What are you looking at?" he inquired with a yawn.

"Just how nice you look."

Her comment drew soft laughter from the potter. "Yeah," he breathed, "right."

"It's true," she insisted, bringing her hand up to the edge of his cheek. "You're always going to look handsome to me."

For the first time since they began dating, Yijung shied away from her touch.

"What's wrong?" she asked, surprised at the sudden change. Since coming back from Sweden he'd become a much touchier person with her, always keeping a hand in contact with her own or making sure she was within arm's reach. The attention had only intensified when he'd gotten sick, at points almost frightening, as if he thought he might be in danger of losing this fight.

"Don't lie to me, don't you lie too."

"Yijung…"

"I can deal with being sick but knowing the wedding is cancelled because of me, knowing that you cry at night because of me… I can't take more lies."

"Shh…" she automatically replied, pressing a finger softly to his chapped lips. She wasn't sure where the boldness came from, but it was beginning to come more easily, as if for each ounce of energy he lost, she gained in order to support him. "It's not a lie. Believe me."

For a full two minutes it seemed as if Yijung obeyed. Either that or he was sleeping but after a while he opened his mouth to speak again.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything," he promised.

"That pillow thing," he murmured, "that you used to like when you were small. That you did when I was sick that day."

"Oh that," she giggled, "do you need anything else?"

He shook his head, but a smile danced on his lips. Leaning over, she lifted his head gently up and cradled it close to her as she deftly slipped the pillow out and flipped it over. Laying him back down, she ran her fingers gently down his cheek. "There."

Stepping back to admire the contented look on his face, she reached down to pull off her boots before climbing up and onto the space beside him. Stretching out and looking up at the ceiling she found it amusing how comfortably she was able to do so now. She laughed softly, "Chu Gaeul and So Yijung sharing a bed."

"Yeah well they don't call me Casanova for anything," he grinned. It was nice to see a real smile on his lips and in reply, she lightly swung a pillow at his arm.

"Keep it up and you can sleep alone."

"You wouldn't, you l…"

"Love you too much?" She sighed, laying down and laying a hand on her chest. It was true, she loved him so much. Too damn much to walk away no matter how uncomfortable things may become.

"When did you become so strong?"

The question startled her and he tilted her head in thought. "When I knew I didn't want to lose you again.

"Geul."

"Hmm?" she hummed, reaching over to find his fingers and lace them between hers.

"I'll never regret coming back."

Closer her eyes she drank in his gentle and honest words, affixing them into her mind where she would remember how they sounded in this quiet moment. Without hesitation she answered him with equal confidence.

"You're here now and that's all that matters to me."

* * *

"He was so angry," he sighed, leaning back against the dark leather couch and catching his friend's face in the glow of the fire.

"Wouldn't you be?" was the reply from the F4's prince.

JunPyo groaned, knowing he should have expected that. Of course he would have, just the thought of everyone knowing Yijung was ill before him made his blood boil. Being kept out of the loop was something that bothered him to no end so if he really thought about it, his previous statement was probably stupid.

"You should have told him," Woobin commented, taking a sip from the glass he cradled in his hand. Junpyo himself had one in front of him but he'd barely touched it. Alcohol wasn't of much interest at the moment.

"I know, but it was to protect him."

Woobin sighed, leaning back against his chair, a look of amusement displayed on his face. "He's been angry before you know."

"Not like this."

"Not that you've seen," Woobin corrected.

Junpyo felt his hands curl into fists automatically. He hadn't come to Yijung's best friend to get a lecture, but rather genuinely looking for advice but it seemed the prince was in no mood to do so. Quite honestly, he was getting sick and tired of Woobin's attitudes. He understood that it was stressful not to be able to be there to support a friend through treatment but it wasn't as if they all didn't experience the same thing.

"You wouldn't realize but we haven't exactly been the closest," Woobin said calmly. "But I don't blame you, I never have blamed you. The F4… we were young. We didn't know any better. But it was always me and him… You and Jihoo and Yijung and I." There was a pause as the prince stretched out his legs comfortably before him. "When I tell you these things it's not because I'm trying to accuse you Junpyo."

Blinking, he contemplated the words being said. If there was one thing Jandi had certainly taught him in the past few months, it was to actually shut up and listen sometimes. And to be honest, Woobin's words were absolutely correct. If he thought back to any given moment in their high school past, he could always see a clear separation within the group. Why he hadn't noticed it before he wasn't sure, but it was blatantly obvious now.

"I'm sorry," are the surprisingly first words out of his mouth.

"I know. And you should know I never held it against you. Not once."

The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile. He probably didn't deserve that train of thought but here Woobin was giving it to him. He wondered how many other graces the Song prince had given him across the years, and how many of those were also overlooked.

"So what do I do?" he sighed, leaning back and picking up the glass finally. It felt nice to be sitting by the fire, comfortable talking with an old friend. Something about the truth being revealed was comforting in a sense.

"Well for starters," Woobin's eyes sparkled in the firelight," I do have one idea…"

* * *

The orange hued autumn light streaked through the window of the treatment room, casting shadows far too early in the day. Leaning back on his chair, he reclined comfortably as the plastic tubing that ran from the hanging black bag down to the catheter in his chest slowly delivered what he hoped was a life saving concoction of drugs into his body.

"They say when your treatment ends, the hair starts coming back right away. I thought that was fascinating," GaEul piped up suddenly from her chair which was just feet from his.

"Well maybe I'll keep it bald. Or I'll steal some of yours," he laughed, tugging at the ends of her long hair playfully. Ever since the wedding fiasco had blown over he had been in good spirts. Physically, his body was exhausted, but mentally he wore a smile. It also helped that the doctors had found a good combination of anti-emetics so his twice weekly infusions didn't leave him feeling sick to his stomach for the entire time he was getting them.

There was a knock at the door signaling the ever-anticipated arrival of visitors. Yijung pushed himself up in his chair and wondered who exactly it would be today. It was never a surprise when all of his friends showed up, but always interesting who was first as it changed on any given day. Shaking his head in silent laughter at how sad it was that these were the things keeping his mind occupied these days, he looked over at the door expectantly.

Woobin stepped in first, grin as wide as Yijung had ever seen it. "You bastard, you didn't tell me you were coming," he laughed. Seeing his best friend's face made it feel like he'd been gone for more than just the single week he'd been missing in reality.

"Yeah well when have I ever needed an invitation, huh?" came the expected reply. The prince crossed the room and leaned over to give a gentle hug to him. It was probably the best hug he'd ever gotten from the prince but everything was better when you had to wait for it.

The rest of the gang was quick to follow, each coming over to greet him. Returning all of the embraces, he settled back against the padded comfort of his chair and observed his friends rather suspiciously. "Whats with the hats? It's not that cold out yet."

"Nothing," Junpyo mused, a smile slipping out from behind his bad poker face.

"Look at this kid," Yijung laughed. "Still can't tell a lie. You never wear hats so give it up."

Looking at each other, the three men smirked. Yijung had no idea what was going on but it was clear there was something up their sleeves but before he could question it again, Jihoo held up his hand and counted off of his fingers. "Hana… dul… set!"

With a flourish, the friends pulled over their caps and stood there with a silly grin plastered on each of their faces. An audible gasp slipped out of Gaeul's mouth as Yijung saw there completely dumbstruck and silence for what must have been a full minute or more.

With the hats gone, it was now obvious that neither of the three heirs had a single hair left on their round, smooth heads. With a sort of ridiculous glee he realized that where there had once been neatly coiffed hairstyles were three, shaved, naked skulls that matched his own.

It took him all of another ten seconds before he burst out laughing. "You three look r-i-di-cu-lous," he choked, holding his sides.

"Really?" Woobin asked, "Because I thought we were rather dashing."

"Yeah," added Jihoo. "I was thinking we'd keep this look. Could be the new trend right?"

"You guys are something else," Yijung marveled, eyes sparkling at the sight of his brothers. He had never once expected them to go and pull a stunt like this but yet, here they were in front of his very eyes.

"But what about the wedding? I'm pretty sure your fiancée will want you to be a little more attractive on the special day," he pointed out with a slight frown.

"Hey now," Gaeul giggled, "I still find _you_ handsome so why not Jandi?"

"Well that's because I am," he replied with his trademark Casanova smile. "Much more so than these three egg-heads."

"Easy on the names, I think Junpyo might explode," JiHoo laughed while pointing at the bald president who was doubled over stifling chuckles.

"Too late I think."

"You're lucky you're getting treatment right now or I might have to smack you for starting this," Woobin joked, reaching out a hand to gently squeeze his shoulder.

"Well…" Gaeul piped up expectantly. "I do want to know what Jandi thought when she saw you?"

Yijung nodded, trying to imagine the look on her face when her fiancée walked in devoid of his trademark curls. It made him think back to the day he'd straightened it just to impress her. It was funny how little inane things like hair used to matter so much. Having cancer put everything into a completely different perspective really.

"Eh," Junpyo shrugged, "I've got two weeks to grow it back." He paused and Yijung realized he was purposefully looking him in the eyes. "Right Yijung?"

And Yijung wouldn't be able to wipe the smile off his face even if he tried.

"Right."

* * *

_**Ok, it's been so long I don't know how to explain...**__**  
**__**I really struggled with deciding what to do with this story but lately people have still been subscribing and even leaving the occasional comment for me. I can't tell you how much that means to me. So despite most of my subscribers probably having forgot about this and left this story I will keep going for those that have stuck with me over months and years even as this has progressed... thank you. I know I always apologize but I will again for taking so long. But I also give you my word that even if it takes a while I will keep trying to finish this.**_  
_Please keep praying for my boyfriend's mother too. She finished her first round of chemo and is waiting to see if she is cancer free._

Love you all,**  
**~Alicia


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